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It’s been five days since they got back. Spencer is sitting at the breakfast table trying to make a dent in a mound of chocolate chip waffles. She feels like this is a dream. Paula was only pissed at her for a few hours. Apparently, she and Arthur pulled the same thing back in their day. She’s been freakily pleasant to Spencer all week. But, Spencer is miserable, having not talked to Ashden in approximately 120 hours. And, to her dismay, Arthur left the day before they got back for another conference. She’s starting to get a little depressed, which isn’t like her.
“So, Spence have you talked to Ashden?” Paula’s cheery face repulses her.
“No,” Waffle, juice. “Well why not? Didn’t you have a good weekend?” Bacony crunch.
“We kinda had a fight that we sorta made up from.” Gray words on a waffely page.
“What about?” Citrusy sting. “I don’t feel like talking about it.” Her cup, a mask.
“Was it about sex? Because you’d be stupid to miss out on that boy’s obvious skill.” Spencer gags. “Ew, Mom, god. Can you not do this to me?” She goes up to her room to check for emails and IM’s.
Her thoughts have been reeling. She really needs to talk to someone, but she’s all alone and ends up typing. [Dear Ashden, I’m so sorry about our fight. I was trying to force you to open up. Some things have been getting to me. You were right about the whole wanting to take you thing. I did treat you like a girl and I’m sorry. I like girls though babe. I don’t want to be crude but I need pussy. And when we’re together I love knowing that you’re really a girl underneath. You know I love you and I wanna be with you but, I’m not sure how long this can last. I’m not saying I want you to stop transitioning or anything, but that you need to figure out who you are first. Because you don’t even trust yourself. I trust you, though. I need ask you some things: which part of you is it that loves me; why do you always pull away from me when I get close; are you afraid of me or something; all those things I asked you in the car? I want to help you and I want to understand but I can’t unless you let me in. I hate being apart, Spencer.]
She clicks send and looks despondently out the window. Her phone, which she’s been ignoring, rings. It’s Kyla. Reluctantly, she answers. “Hello? What? She did? Oh my god, she beat him up? He’s ok, right? You don’t? How long? Do you think he will? Be there in two minutes.” She sneaks out around Paula and runs across the street. Kyla is standing outside Ashden’s door. “I can’t hear anything.” She looks worried. “Ash, it’s Spencer. Are you ok?” She talks to his door. “Kyla told me what happened. Please talk to me. At least tell me you didn’t cut.” She puts her ear to the door. A piece of paper slides out.