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    Beyond My Knowing, chapter 36

    Story written on August 2, 2016 by Jess.
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    Number of Comments: 1
    Words: 5901
    Story Shortlink: https://lesfan.com/?p=93676
    Author Notes:

    ”Jan?” Thalla asked, looking at her. ”I…” Janarin scrambled for something to say, but she couldn’t think of any worlds. ”I’m sorry.” Thalla told her softly. Janarin looked over to her. ”It’s… It’s alright. I mean, I always… I always knew you… might not feel the same way. It… It was stupid.” She smiled, tried

    ”Jan?” Thalla asked, looking at her.

    ”I…” Janarin scrambled for something to say, but she couldn’t think of any worlds.

    ”I’m sorry.” Thalla told her softly.

    Janarin looked over to her. ”It’s… It’s alright. I mean, I always… I always knew you… might not feel the same way. It… It was stupid.” She smiled, tried to smile. ”See? You’re right. I’m stupid. Just like you said.”

    Thalla saw the look on her friend’s face, panicked because she knew it was her fault, and did something very, very stupid. She moved over and put her lips against Janarin’s. It lasted long moments, and then she began to feel very confused, because she’d have thought that Jan would… kiss her back or… or move or react or something. She hadn’t. The kiss parted. Their eyes met, and she saw that Jan’s eyes were wide and scared.

    ”I… thought that would make you feel better…” Thalla said, feeling incredibly, incredibly stupid.

    Janarin blinked, her heart beating fast, her skin hot. She moved and pressed her lips against Thalla’s. She vaguely thought that maybe she was making a huge mistake, but that… had been awful. Probably the worst kiss ever, and it had been her first one ever. She’d just sat there. She… She’d wanted to kiss Thalla so badly, fantasized about what it would be like for hours sometimes, and she couldn’t stand the idea that what had just happened would be all she would ever get to have. She didn’t know what she was doing, but she told herself to put all her feelings into it and hope that she’d know what to do.

    Thalla closed her eyes and kissed back. She liked this kiss a lot more. Pajel’s older brother had kissed her once. Pajel had tackled him after and they’d fought. She’d run away. The next day, Pajel had looked bad enough that she’d been convinced he’d lost to his brother, but he’d been smiling when he’d told her proudly that he’d won the fight. Stupidly, she’d thought that maybe Pajel would ask to kiss her too then. He hadn’t. She’d been both relieved and disappointed. Pajel was younger than her by a few months. His brother was older by a year. So this was her second kiss. Third kiss, really. The second one had been a moment ago, she reminded herself. She tried to tell if she actually felt attracted to Janarin or not, but all she could think was ’Jan’s kissing me’, which was too obvious to really count as a relevant thought.

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    Comments

    1. Oh no,never this easy. THALLA is going with them but the self-doubt is there and knowing how JANARIN feels towards her is enough for her to seek out her mother. KES should be wary of that ship,just a feeling like it isn’t what she thinks it is. Say your goodbyes and go and hurry.Loving this story.THANKS,ps.

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