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    1 Tina

    Story written on August 13, 2023 by BetteisBetter.
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    5 votes, average: 3.80 out of 55 votes, average: 3.80 out of 55 votes, average: 3.80 out of 55 votes, average: 3.80 out of 55 votes, average: 3.80 out of 5 (5 votes, average: 3.80 out of 5)
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    Genre(s): , ,
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    Character(s): , , ,
    Number of Comments: 6
    Words: 8328
    Story Shortlink: https://lesfan.com/?p=115420
    Author Notes:

    ’I.. I’ll figure something out. It’s ok.’ She shrugged her shoulders. Yes she was tired. ’Ok Bette, you figure something out.’ When I closed the closet with a firm thud she was suddenly standing next to me. And yes indeed, her eyes were red-rimmed. ’How long are you staying?’ ’I don’t know yet, but I

    ’I.. I’ll figure something out. It’s ok.’ She shrugged her shoulders. Yes she was tired.

    ’Ok Bette, you figure something out.’ When I closed the closet with a firm thud she was suddenly standing next to me. And yes indeed, her eyes were red-rimmed.

    ’How long are you staying?’

    ’I don’t know yet, but I don’t think I will really matter to you right?’

    ’Right.’ She said. ’I’m going to pick up coffee. See you around.’

    1.6 Tina

    No one wanted to go to Normandy and the beach in autumn; the highway stretched out before me, resembling a deserted ghost town. Not too long ago, the farmers had harvested the grain, leaving behind barren stubble fields. The sun was weary, showing off the heavy battle against the clouds that it would soon loose. The strong Mercedes engine emitted a gentle roar, almost as if reassuring me that trading in an electric car for this one had been a good call.’Call Renee.’ I ordered MBUX. The infotainment system came to life and the dial tone filled the car.

    ’Cherie where’s my mail opener? I can’t find it anywhere.’ Renee was the only person I knew who started a phone conversation as if you stepped right into her track of thoughts. And it amazed me how, with just a few words, she made me feel needed.

    ’Did you check the dresser, under the gramophone?’

    ’Of course. It’s not there.’

    ’Try your nightstand or else the coffee table.’

    The soft shuffling in the background mixed with her wheezing breath. I leaned my elbow on the door panel and rested my temple against my hand. ’Happy to be home?’

    ’Thank you for the beautiful flowers, you’re sweet. I’m so happy to be back.’

    ’What’s the first thing you’re going to do, after you open the mail of course?’

    ’I’m going to take a very long bath and the hairdresser is coming later. My hair is… une catastrophe.’

    I chuckled. We made a small chit-chat till I was reassured she was ok. In the valley to my right dawned one of those picturesque sleepy towns, with a church in the centre. Its steeple rose above resembling the queen on a chessboard, standing out fierce and unwavering. ’Is Bette around maybe? Can you put her on for a sec?’

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    Comments

    1. Hey ladies,

      Welcome back!

      I do remember Renee and the story of last year. I totally loved that one but this rewrite is catching my interest as well.

      My heart is breaking for Bette and Tina, i want to cry for them and hope and wish they will find the love they once had.

      And Renee being so sick, no cure possible. The catalist for Bette returning to Paris.

      I’m looking forward to read the other parts.

    2. A re-write? I’m curious to see what you’ve changed. I loved it the first time around and was waiting for an update.
      Well, I’m off to reading now. :-)

    3. I was exciting seeing the tittle (not knowing of the meaning of 2.0 was). read the story eagerly, thinking it was another chapter of the other story. but then I read, Renee is still alive? hmm.. must be a past story, then.. I thought.. hmm.. it’s weird, the storyline seems different from the one without 2.0.
      then I read Author Note, I should have read it sooner… hehehehe.. (so sorry.. I didn’t read the author note from the beginning because how eager I was to read it) so it is different story, with almost the same background .. and now I wonder what is the difference from the other one? well… my impression reading this one is less bitterness, a lot of stubbornness from both side,, and that makes me wonder what happened with them?

      I love both stories, and can’t wait for the next one.. and thank you for sharing your work with us..

    5. I must say that this story is rather confusing to me… As you have no introduction into any background on this story. Who is Renee? Who is “I”… what’s going on… I am sorry to say that after 3 pages I simply quit reading as I still had no clue as what I was reading. If you are depending on the reader having read another story to figure out who these people are and what is going on, then you need to say so. But your story is like waking up and finding yourself somewhere you have never been before with people you do not know and why you or they are there… With any good story… you cannot assume your reader knows anything…. you must tell the reader what they need to know to get into the story..

      I do remember your last story…. but I also remember that I had a great deal of difficulty following who was talking in your dialogue sequences… thus, I had a great deal of difficulty discerning the story line… Is this Bette talking or is it Tina? I guess some enjoy that style of story telling… I will say that I enjoyed Desert Rose far more than Uncharted Territory.

      Good luck with this one. I wish you much success…

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