LesFan

Lesbian Fan Social Network

    Fan Fiction

    This story has been set to a rating of NC-17. Age verification is required to proceed.

    Age Verification

    I am years of age as of today, November 9, 2026

    Enter your current age into the field provide above. Stories with a rating of R or NC-17 may contain material not suitable for children. LesFan requires that all individuals wishing to read these stories confirm they are of at least 17 years of age. LesFan uses the MPAA rating labeling system for all stories.

    LesFan will also make a best attempt to filter profane words in stories that are not rated R or NC-17 unless the individual confirms they are of at least 17 years of age.

    LesFan uses the following rating scale for stories.






    Submit

    #10 Touch Tones: Alice Surmises

    Story written on January 21, 2015 by Blackbird.
     Login to add story to favorites
     Login to add author to favorites
    11 votes, average: 5.00 out of 511 votes, average: 5.00 out of 511 votes, average: 5.00 out of 511 votes, average: 5.00 out of 511 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5 (11 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)
    You need to be a registered member to rate this post.     Loading ... Loading ...
    Genre(s):
    Rating:
    fanfiction(s):
    Character(s): , , , , ,
    Number of Comments: 13
    Words: 4994
    Story Shortlink: https://lesfan.com/?p=88117
    Author Notes:

    Yet, here they are, the quasi-starring couple,  seemingly unfazed by the movie’s menacing gestalt. Maybe Claire’s strategy, and the part I expertly played in it, really has run Jenny into the ditch for a while. When she crawls back out of it I hope she’ll give us all a fucking break and get her own

    Yet, here they are, the quasi-starring couple,  seemingly unfazed by the movie’s menacing gestalt. Maybe Claire’s strategy, and the part I expertly played in it, really has run Jenny into the ditch for a while. When she crawls back out of it I hope she’ll give us all a fucking break and get her own fucking life.

    But lingering are the threats Kit got while Bette was away. Another ramp up in the territorial disputes let loose by those trashy girls from the SheBar.

    Jenny smooching camera

    You know, if I could figure out how to sic Schecter onto Denbo, which would insure me a ringside seat, the ensuing blog posts and traffic on my website would take off! The Steinem/Porter/Kennard clip soared past a hundred thousand hits last week. I know I could get really top notch sponsors with millions of hits. All I need is for Jenny, The Serpent, to coil around Dawn, The Lezzie Mobster’s neck, and Alice in Lesbo Land will chronicle the drama and hilarity of them killing each other.

    While lacking merit in the classical sense, I think it has interesting possibilities.

    But truthfully, it’s odd how those pre-Bette and Tina nuclear war days feel like their own special era now. A time when things felt more predictable, back when we all knew Iraq was total bullshit, and that with certainly someone high up in Bush’s Cabinet would go off to jail. And yet, we were mistaken.

    Back when there were happier times, and we knew that Dana would win all her tennis matches, but in the meantime between tournaments keep us wildly amused with her sexual confusion, and her notoriously impotent GayDar. And on those mornings, too, just like clockwork, we could count on it: Shane coming in close to death until a triple expresso shocked away most of the roughness from her nights before.

    Hand to God! I don’t know how we all survived much less remained friends. Their ongoing hostilities, all our disappointments, Dana’s death, Shane and Carmen, everyone’s lies, and the plentiful fuck you’s we vehemently traded with each other – they all seem gone now, forgotten, or miraculously healed.

    Maybe we’re all chiseled together in some – as yet to be discovered – magical rock formation that’s mysteriously fated us all cosmically together. Or is it Jenny’s movie, aka Tina’s movie, aka Bette’s nightmare and ulcer that will enshrine us, and make us all legendary?

    Page 2 of 10‹ Previous1234Next ›Last »
    «
    FF Main Page
    »

    Comments

    3. So many great lines…mixing up anxiety and depression pills…the Winnebago…the hoedown. ..can’t wait to read that episode. Alice…so funny. I identified with her most…not so pretty, a little nerdy as she described herself, and a bit needy. But god she had some of the best lines and facial expressions, didn’t she?

      And this “not a beginner’s starter kit”…oh jeez that made me snort!!

      Wonderful update as I’ve always come to expect from you. I hope your holiday was pleasant and restful. Welcome back!

    5. I liked the beginners’ starter kit too! But this was epic: “After all, to most everyone Bette Porter is kind of a legion, and they’d love to be her friend, swim in her pool, get drunk on her sex appeal, and laugh at her wit and sophisticated sarcasm.”
      Thanx for coming back to us ! And, yes we missed you !

    6. Here’s a comment I got via email –

      Lillian wrote: “Comment: Where do I begin…everything about this storyline was appealing.
      I can feel for Alice; she is beginning to feel out of the loop. Love how Alice covers her back by
      having the plan to use Jenny as her scape goat is need be.
      Cute…Tasha’s a #Republican…She’s going to earnestly #FuckMeOver…(good thinking of placing this in)
      Funny, but true..Shane is not a beginner’s Starter Kit…Bette would know that for sure.
      If someone has a crush on a person…she isn’t going to take advice…law of nature.
      The best part for me is: “After all to most everyone Bette Porter is kind of a legion,
      & they love to be her friend, swim in her pool, get drunk on her sex appeal, laugh at her
      wit & sophisticated sarcasm…who does this remind you of: Jennifer Beals and her
      fans adoration…yes, I am in that fan club…
      Anxiously awaiting for the continuation….”

    7. ” she’s like a masterful or very lucky sailor who’s managed to swing her bow back around, and once again, skillfully catch her sails with the wind.”…….love it …..as well as the other”epic lines” Ben Mac referenced…must be quite a drag for Bette &Tina to live in the fish bowl that is West Hollywood …..can’t wait for Alice to meet Bette’s mom…oh what “wit and sophisticated sarcasm “there will be…thanks BB!

    8. So many bits of snappy dialogue and insight in this installment SHOULD be “lingering” in my mind, and yet the one that is? “Lingering like a far in an elevator.” What am I, twelve?

    10. I love that you all have pulled little zings of dialogue out -the lines that were memorable to you and that you felt something reading. I do love everyone of the lines you’ve brought up, so far, especially the one about Bette being a masterful or very lucky sailor and somehow catching her sails once again with the wind. I felt the energy of that line when I wrote it.

      Another favorite of mine, that still makes me laugh when I read it is, the description of Bette that Alice coalesces when she says that women are holding out hope that Bette may once again lose her mind and her morals and “lie once against amongst the lesbian proletariat.”

      That tickled me when Alice brought that up. It was just another in a long list of Bette’s “ooops, and fuck ups” that have had such unintended consequences for her and everyone else.

      So! Hey Everybody! Thanks so much for reading and letting me know you are enjoying the tale, and Season 7 as I’m spooling it out for your enjoyment.

      Blackbird

    11. You as always maintaining a high standard in this
      history as a rich dialogue in describing bette and Tina, and
      his legion of fans.
      Awaiting new chapter.
      10 Stars.

    Leave a Reply