’And you don’t have to see Kate.’ I said before I could stop myself. It wasn’t about Kate. It was about all the Kate’s in the world, that would maybe eventually get a chance if I would fail again. That would make her laugh like I used to, would make her fall in love, would make her dare to dream again.

’Will you ever let it go?’ She chuckled like every time when I brought it up, as if the mere thought was ridiculous to her.

’Did you ever see me letting go of something when it comes to you?’ I asked. ’You Mrs. Porter- Kennard,’ I pulled her on my lap and wrapped my arms around her middle. ’you look better.’

’That’s all you.’ She molded into my embrace and rested her head on my shoulder. ’You’re so caring. You would be such a great mother… ’ Her voice trailed off and her body tensed.

I kissed her temple and closed my eyes. It was a strange feeling, our hearts that started to beat stronger while Renee’s was getting weaker. In the past weeks, we had taken countless walks through Paris. We had lingered at the table well after our meals, engaging in intimate, lengthy conversations. Or we had simply sat in silence, being together in the moment, gazing at the stars. And I cherished every second, but she never opened up about our loss. Right that moment, I realized I should probably learn how to make peace with the fact that she maybe would never be able to talk about it. Grief, it seemed, was something you never got over. You just had to find a way to live along side of it. And if she should fall behind, I’d wait for her. ’I rather hear more about how sweet I am as your wife, the rest can wait..’

Her smile returned. ’You’re very, very sweet.’

’How sweet?’ I asked, eager to see more of that smile.

’Sweet like this.’ She kissed me lazily, soothingly, until the sky above turned into a canvas of velvety indigo, with stars that blinked like distant diamonds.

’I wasn’t paying attention. Show me again.’