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A Discourse on Desire..Chapter 16
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But Tina did not come back soon. She was gone on ‘vacation’…that’s what her other neighbour said. So Bette tried to forget her. She tried to forget by throwing herself
into her work. The problem was when she came home. At first she would look for Paxton, then remember, then she’d shower or eat or wander around. But soon there came a
routine. Bette would try to cook, failing miserably, so she ordered take-out..then she would go over her work, then read some magazines Pax forgot. Basically moping around, but
she got used to it, used to carving an existence for herself. Wasn’t easy. But Bette wanted to make something of herself, not define herself by her relationship to another person.
But all that went to ***** when she went over to Tina’s. She found the key Tina had given her, and went over to her house. On whim, no thinking about it. For the first time in awhile
Bette had been thinking, before going over. She had been trying to rationalize. Yes she loved Tina, she was single now…but did Tina want her? After what Tina said to her Bette was not
so sure. If Tina rejected her finally, Bette knew she would have to move. Maybe find an apartment more downtown. Start over. Forget about love and it’s bites and ***** and joys.
The house was scary. Bette didn’t like the emptiness of it . But she could sense Tina in everything, everywhere. The way she organized things, the way she made herself
fit in the house. Bette could see all the places where they made love. Bette went into the bedroom and sat down on the bed. Not knowing why she was there, resolving to be strong
and not like a little sick worm. She noticed a notebook on the sidetable, her curiousity piqued Bette reached over and took the book, opened it and flipped
through it. It was Tina’s diary. Bette flipped through to the most recent writings.
“she is a coward of the worst sort”
“i hate her”
“she must forget she has eyes or senses or ears to hear how my heart beats its love”
“for all these feelings of hate they are matched by a love so great it must be doomed, feelings are *****..she walks all over me and i let her..people in love will let their
loved ones do anything to them”
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Wow. Please post again soon. . .I hope Tina doesn’t come back with a man.
Damn! That was some deep sh*t! Good chpater! Please continue.
….continue
Eep! You need to hurry up and post. Brilliant chapter!
wow..crap! with this knowledge will Bette ever speak her mind?..pls don’t let Tina come back with a man!…i can really feel Tina’s inner conflict….post soon!(“,)
I’ve never commented before, but I just want to say that this story is fantastic. Some have criticised you for not writing Bette and Tina like they are in the show, but I disagree with them. Your version of Bette and Tina, to me, seems to be the ‘dark side’ of B&T. That if you were to cut away all the redeeming characteristics they possess, like Tina’s patience and Bette’s ambition, this is what you’d be left with. In a way that’s more real, everyone has a dark side including B&T and you have explored this area of them that so often is left unseen. I also love the way you write, I’ll admit there are times when it makes me uncomfortable to the point where I can barely read it, but that’s what good writing is stuff that really takes you to the extremes… And your writing certainly does that.
Oh and you like Arcade Fire? Your taste in music is just as good as your stories.
Enjoying the story but it is certainly different than any other beginning for our girls. I can only describe this story as an underside of the girls that we know as we do, maybe dark side would be a better description. Very different. Please don’t let Tina come back with a man. Oh my, that would really ruin things. Thanks.
Still lovin this story! poor confused Tina gotta feel for her! so Bettes got some work ahead especially if Tina comes back with a man!!! and im looking forward to reading all the details…lol thanks really enjoying it.
Tina is in so much pain..Bette is the one to do something or she will lose tina for good..i hope they talk a heart to heart talk..great chappy post soon thanks :o)
CAss that was some deep shit, way to put it down like that.
Yeah, these two girls need to TALK!!!!!
what did tina expect from bette she new she was married when she got involved.
all i can say is wow wow, wow!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
oh god..gotta read the next one
Damn damn this is deep and wow, they need to talk to each other, sad to see them like this!