Tangled web?

“Hele baby…you are stressed. I won’t be around for a while….and its got you all worked up over nothing…I am still right here…..I am not running around thinking about her.”

Lie. Double, triple fat lie. A lie I kept telling myself. I am so fucked up on the inside. I think about Carmen like 900 times a day. Helena didn’t need to know that. I am with her. We are with each other. Everyone around here needs us. I need her. She needs me. I don’t think there is anything wrong with that.

I was getting cold standing here debating nonsense with her. She ran her fingers seductively along my face. I suddenly forgot what we where talking about. She moved in closer and kissed me. I could feel her eye patch every time she kissed me. She was fighting me for control and I let her have it. She forced me back and back till I felt the rock hard surface on my back. The breeze could have cooled the sweat on my back but she was so close and the grind of her on my bones made me hot all over.

I guess the argument is over. Usually when she gets physical means she is losing and wants to beat me some other way. How do I live with myself?

Chapter One

Going back and forth and finding my way in life. That was what made Carmen’s absence in my life a little bearable. I missed her to the point of insanity. I didn’t understand why it was so hard to breathe, to think, to eat the two meals we where allowed a day. I couldn’t understand why the tree’s made me want to hurt people, why I couldn’t take the simplest of orders. I couldn’t understand why I was so pissed and bummed out.

I was ineffective. Uninspired by anything around me. They sent me back to prison again. This is how those first few moments passed. I wouldn’t eat or sleep. I just couldn’t get over her not being around me…..well no…wait that is not how it happened. It happened like this: