I got back from my walk and Helena was giving out some orders for stuff that needed to be done. I wasn’t paying attention. I just kind of wandered around her house in a daze. Everything that I did to get to that moment only made me more numb. I thought I was strong enough, that I could make it work but it was all a lie. I didn’t want to make anything work. I wanted to get away. So I tried. I told her, Helena, I told her thanks but no thanks. I told her I was out.

She laughed and told me that I was heading out with Hunter. She said we had some work to do and that she didn’t have time for my adolescent bullshit. So me and Hunter went out.

We didn’t talk and he lead the way. The first chance I got to break and run I did. What I didn’t know. What only hit me later was that Hunter was one fast guy. And he caught me and I was retuned to Helena to be lectured and bored by her crisp accent. On and on this went until she stopped sending me out on missions. On and on she would talk to me with reason and clarity and I just tuned her out. Didn’t hear her or want to.

Stole wine from her cellar. Got drunk and threatened to kill her if she wouldn’t let me leave. Knife on her tender throat. Her body at my will. That fearless look in her eye. I didn’t surprise or scare her. She understood me all too well; my heartbreak over Carmen didn’t impress her. She too had fallen for her charm, she too had been banished and let go without a thought. Move on she said then she locked me away once J.R found us.

Picture it:

Me on top of Helena. Knife to her throat, both of us in that heavy breathing kind of way trying so hard to not be turned by each others movements. Me thinking oh shit I am not dead. This woman makes me want to. They hauled me away and threw me into my cell. The same cell that I woke up in. The same view of the moon and the tree’s, the same chill in the air and smell of the sea, sounds of waves pounding on the shore in frustration.