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Anybody Seen My Baby?
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“A tennis racwhat the *****? What was she doing with a tennis racket?” Tina asked, bewildered.
“We were all at my house and she just snapped.” Dana whimpered. “Come home T!”
Shane grabbed the phone from her distressed friend. “Seriously, Tina. It’s worse than I’ve ever seen it.”
“Jesus. Luckily we got done with the script today.” Tina sighed into
the phone. “I’m really sorry, Shane. I can’t believe she’s such a baby
sometimes. It’s only been four days.”
“Four long, hellish days.” Shane grumbled. “It sucks T, but you have to admit it is kind of cute that she misses you so much.”
“No it’s not!” Tina could hear Alice yelling in the background. Tina
chuckled to herself when she thought about her wife’s recent antics.
Yes it was annoying and childish, but it was really cute at the same
time.
“Listen Shane.” Tina started. “My flight leaves at midnight. I’m
probably not going to get home until early tomorrow morning. Can you
handle this until then?”
“Yeah. We’ll just get her wasted.” Shane laughed.
“Be careful with my wife there.” Tina warned.
“No problem, T.” Shane responded.
“Don’t tell her I’m coming back early.” Tina said. “I want to surprise her for the weekend.”
“Cool. Our lips are sealed.” Shane agreed to Tina’s request. “So tomorrow morning?”
“Tomorrow morning.” Tina replied.
“Safe trip.” Shane said before ending the call to Tina. She turned around to face Alice and Dana,
“Alright guys. We’re going to get Bette absolutely drunk and hope she passes out until Tina gets home tomorrow morning.”
“Good idea.” Dana said.
“Yeah. What could go wrong?” Alice smiled.
****Hours later, in front of the Porter-Kennard Residence****
”What could go wrong? Alice says. What could go wrong?” Dana mocked as she stumbled out of the backseat of the cab.
“Hey! ***** you Fairbanks!” Alice slurred as she fell on the front lawn.
“Did you ever know that you’re my hero, and everything I would like to
be? Tinnnaaaaa! You are the wind beneath my wings!” Bette wailed as she
exited the cab.
”*****.” Shane mumbled as she paid the cab driver. Bette had been
singing love songs about Tina for the last hour. Bette was a fantastic
singer. ‘Maybe it’s genetic’ Shane thought, but the escalating volume
of Bette’s declarations of love was getting to be a little much. Just
then she heard Bette start another song and Alice join in.
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The gang and everyone else lived through hell while Tina was gone. Yet you made it so darn funny it was beautiful, Tina should slip in town a day early and see what everyone goes through, thanks
Oh God I am laughing so hard. You are my hero for this story it’s fantastic. I do actually write ahead and then read them back to they make sense if you don’t mind the unedited typos and shit email me and I will send you the next 9 or so chapters for preview but I warn you they may change and you become responsible for comments back. Just kidding it Jwetshtein@mindspring.com
I’m sick and practicly died from trying to breathe and laugh my ass off at the same time, lol.
I love your playful stories.
Limeade HAHAHAHA.
Man, that was the freakin’ funniest story I’ve read in ages! I was laughing out loud and looked like in idiot in public (not that I’m not used to that!).
You write comedy like I wish I could. Alice and her limes! Ha! I loved it!
This was so hilarious it had me in tears. I especially liked:
What?†Someone from one table over asked. “Tina’s gone for a week?â€
“Yeah.†Shane replied as she contemplated whether or not she’d be able to sneak past Bette and into the safety of her truck without being spotted.
“Fuck.†The woman replied. She quickly turned to her friends. “Guys, Tina’s out of town. Let’s get out of here.†Everyone at the crowded table seemed to disappear within seconds of hearing the news.
And this was hilarious too…
“Fuck that. I almost got decapitated with a tennis racket.†Dana argued.
THANK YOU for making my day!!
Funny as hell! Ithink you captured a great side of Bette…could totally see her like this. The limes and Alice had me laughing outloud in my office.
Hilarious!! Loved it.
that was freakin hysterical….great job.
hilarious! you made me laugh…loved the story!
I have to say I was laughing out loud at this one. This was too funny. Keep it up!!!
absolutley extraordinary. Your uncanny ability to weave such humor into your stories is brilliant.
Holy Shit! I am so glad Jwet told me to read this. Absolutely hilarious.
JWET recommended your story and I’m SO glad….I haven’t laughed this hard in a long, long time. Laughing….crying…..need more Kleenex! Your writing is amazing….I could picture all of them! Do we get the “unedited” version of Alice and how ALL those limes arrived at their various locations????? Thanks again, please post often…need more laughs!!
Very fucking funny; absolutely loved it!
OMG!
This is the funniest history!!!!!!!
I`ve been LMAO for half an hour and i can`t get tired of reading and reading again!!!!!!
Great job! Keep on writing!!!!!!!!!!
That is the funiest story I have ever read. It was great-I loved it!!!!
This was too funny … I loved it. Keep it up.
lol…so good…post soon..
Yeah that was totally random but funny as hell, so it’s cool. Good Job.
Its 3:30 am and I am crying from laughing so hard.Great story.
That was pretty damn funny…had me laughing out loud.
That was funny! After the gloom n’ doom season, nice to have a bit of fun w/the girls.
And I can just imagine the entire clientele of The Planet living in fear of Bettezilla.
OMG! More! more! more! ROFLMAO that was too funny.
That was absolutely hilarous, you seriously rock. I loved it.
I love your stories. They’re sweet and funny. Don’t stop writting.
LMAO>…………..um, fuckin’ like bunnies………..please! :D
Far out that was funny1 I laughed my ass off! loved it.
God that was funny. I just can´t stop laughing. I can just picture Alice and lime.
Now that was amazing. Can we please have some more funny stories. Post soon.
This has surtenly made my day. Thank you
it’s a good thing i live alone, i’d hate to have to explain why i am laughing histerically at 1:30 am!!! you have all the characters down very refreshing and unique…keep it coming
it was really funny i must say…. love it….
This was absolutely hilarious! What a great way to start the day!
Real good – REAL good. More please – ?
I, however, am a moron, I can’t even SPELL genius!
Good lord that was hilarious. Loved it!
What a riot! I haven’t laughed like that in a while. I loved Bette, she was so cute. Alice was perfect…You are a comic genious! Please keep on goin’.
This is the funniest story I have read in a long time. You had me laughing from beginning to end. Wonderful!
That was just so funny. I’ll have to read it again through my tears of laughter. Excellant please continue.
Thank you for doing my favorite couple justice! Could you please contact me at betteandtinasubmissions@yahoo.com
So funny nearly peed myself
This was so far beyond just being funny!! I was laughing so hard, I think my RV was literally rocking!!! Writing something that can bring a deep belly laugh gurgling out of people is a true gift…one that you most definitely have. Thank you for your wonderful compliments. I saw my name in your author’s notes, and sat here grinning like the dork that I am. I am dribbling my “geeker joy” all over you for this perfect chapter!!
I love your writing! Do we get a part 2?
HAHAHAH! This story is soooo funny! Please keep it up!
LOVED angry Bette! Awesome.
Loved it, can use a lot more of the whipped Bette stories.
Hahahahaha! ROTFLMAO! That was f*cking funny! I love it! I probably shouldn’t be reading this at work, seeing as my bursts of loud laughter warrant curious, but confused stares from various co-workers! Funny stuff! Very funny!