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Anybody Seen My Baby?
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“Oh ***** me.” Shane moaned as she made her way to the house.
”Oooh, when my baby kisses me,
My heart becomes filled with desire.
When she wraps her lovin’ arms around me,
About drives me out of my mind.
Yeah, when my baby kisses me,
Chills run up and down my spine.”
“Hey Al?” Bette said as she suddenly stopped in the middle of the song.
“Yo!” Alice shouted as she tripped over an invisible object in the middle of the room and fell flat on her face.
“I love my Tina.” Bette said seriously and she stared at the heap that was Alice’s body.
“We know Bette.” Dana sighed as she collapsed on to the couch.
“Believe me we know. We knew after you sang ‘Hole in My Soul’at Milk.”
“Who knew you could do a wicked Steven Tyler, Porter?” Alice said as her head popped up from the floor.
“I really love her.” Bette slurred as she swayed in the middle of the living room. “And I miss her” Bette started to sniffle.
“Al? Is she gonnacry?” Dana whispered, shocked.
“SHANE!” Alice yelled just as Shane closed the front door to the Porter-Kennard home.
“Hey Bette.” Shane said as she put her arm around the forlorn woman.
“It’s okay. She’ll be back soon enough. C’mon.what’ll make you feel
better?”
*****Early the next morning*****
Tina smiled as she walked towards the front door of the house. She
couldn’t wait to surprise Bette. ‘I hope she wasn’t as bad as the girls
had said.’ Tina thought as she opened the front door. ‘Bette is a bit
dramatic when I leave.’ Tina got all her luggage inside and turned
around to take in the scene before her.
“What the *****?” Tina said loudly. Alice was passed out on the floor in
a large puddle of what look suspiciously like drool. “What is in her
mouth?” Tina questioned. Was that a lime wedge? Tina’s suspicion was
immediately confirmed when she looked over at Dana who was cradling a
bottle of tequila in her arms like it was a child.
”What happened last night?” Tina asked out loud. Shane was the
first one to hear Tina’s question. Shane was currently passed out half
on the couch and half on the table.
“T?” Shane grumbled. “Are you here? Guys. T’s here.”
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The gang and everyone else lived through hell while Tina was gone. Yet you made it so darn funny it was beautiful, Tina should slip in town a day early and see what everyone goes through, thanks
Oh God I am laughing so hard. You are my hero for this story it’s fantastic. I do actually write ahead and then read them back to they make sense if you don’t mind the unedited typos and shit email me and I will send you the next 9 or so chapters for preview but I warn you they may change and you become responsible for comments back. Just kidding it Jwetshtein@mindspring.com
I’m sick and practicly died from trying to breathe and laugh my ass off at the same time, lol.
I love your playful stories.
Limeade HAHAHAHA.
Man, that was the freakin’ funniest story I’ve read in ages! I was laughing out loud and looked like in idiot in public (not that I’m not used to that!).
You write comedy like I wish I could. Alice and her limes! Ha! I loved it!
This was so hilarious it had me in tears. I especially liked:
What?†Someone from one table over asked. “Tina’s gone for a week?â€
“Yeah.†Shane replied as she contemplated whether or not she’d be able to sneak past Bette and into the safety of her truck without being spotted.
“Fuck.†The woman replied. She quickly turned to her friends. “Guys, Tina’s out of town. Let’s get out of here.†Everyone at the crowded table seemed to disappear within seconds of hearing the news.
And this was hilarious too…
“Fuck that. I almost got decapitated with a tennis racket.†Dana argued.
THANK YOU for making my day!!
Funny as hell! Ithink you captured a great side of Bette…could totally see her like this. The limes and Alice had me laughing outloud in my office.
Hilarious!! Loved it.
that was freakin hysterical….great job.
hilarious! you made me laugh…loved the story!
I have to say I was laughing out loud at this one. This was too funny. Keep it up!!!
absolutley extraordinary. Your uncanny ability to weave such humor into your stories is brilliant.
Holy Shit! I am so glad Jwet told me to read this. Absolutely hilarious.
JWET recommended your story and I’m SO glad….I haven’t laughed this hard in a long, long time. Laughing….crying…..need more Kleenex! Your writing is amazing….I could picture all of them! Do we get the “unedited” version of Alice and how ALL those limes arrived at their various locations????? Thanks again, please post often…need more laughs!!
Very fucking funny; absolutely loved it!
OMG!
This is the funniest history!!!!!!!
I`ve been LMAO for half an hour and i can`t get tired of reading and reading again!!!!!!
Great job! Keep on writing!!!!!!!!!!
That is the funiest story I have ever read. It was great-I loved it!!!!
This was too funny … I loved it. Keep it up.
lol…so good…post soon..
Yeah that was totally random but funny as hell, so it’s cool. Good Job.
Its 3:30 am and I am crying from laughing so hard.Great story.
That was pretty damn funny…had me laughing out loud.
That was funny! After the gloom n’ doom season, nice to have a bit of fun w/the girls.
And I can just imagine the entire clientele of The Planet living in fear of Bettezilla.
OMG! More! more! more! ROFLMAO that was too funny.
That was absolutely hilarous, you seriously rock. I loved it.
I love your stories. They’re sweet and funny. Don’t stop writting.
LMAO>…………..um, fuckin’ like bunnies………..please! :D
Far out that was funny1 I laughed my ass off! loved it.
God that was funny. I just can´t stop laughing. I can just picture Alice and lime.
Now that was amazing. Can we please have some more funny stories. Post soon.
This has surtenly made my day. Thank you
it’s a good thing i live alone, i’d hate to have to explain why i am laughing histerically at 1:30 am!!! you have all the characters down very refreshing and unique…keep it coming
it was really funny i must say…. love it….
This was absolutely hilarious! What a great way to start the day!
Real good – REAL good. More please – ?
I, however, am a moron, I can’t even SPELL genius!
Good lord that was hilarious. Loved it!
What a riot! I haven’t laughed like that in a while. I loved Bette, she was so cute. Alice was perfect…You are a comic genious! Please keep on goin’.
This is the funniest story I have read in a long time. You had me laughing from beginning to end. Wonderful!
That was just so funny. I’ll have to read it again through my tears of laughter. Excellant please continue.
Thank you for doing my favorite couple justice! Could you please contact me at betteandtinasubmissions@yahoo.com
So funny nearly peed myself
This was so far beyond just being funny!! I was laughing so hard, I think my RV was literally rocking!!! Writing something that can bring a deep belly laugh gurgling out of people is a true gift…one that you most definitely have. Thank you for your wonderful compliments. I saw my name in your author’s notes, and sat here grinning like the dork that I am. I am dribbling my “geeker joy” all over you for this perfect chapter!!
I love your writing! Do we get a part 2?
HAHAHAH! This story is soooo funny! Please keep it up!
LOVED angry Bette! Awesome.
Loved it, can use a lot more of the whipped Bette stories.
Hahahahaha! ROTFLMAO! That was f*cking funny! I love it! I probably shouldn’t be reading this at work, seeing as my bursts of loud laughter warrant curious, but confused stares from various co-workers! Funny stuff! Very funny!