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    Tomb Raider – Bette Porter L Word

    Story written on April 19, 2014 by Blackbird.
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    7 votes, average: 5.00 out of 57 votes, average: 5.00 out of 57 votes, average: 5.00 out of 57 votes, average: 5.00 out of 57 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5 (7 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)
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    Number of Comments: 11
    Words: 3370
    Story Shortlink: https://lesfan.com/?p=85091
    Author Notes:

    “Whatever you do please don’t burn me up and put me in a jar.” “Okay.” Tina laughs at me a little. “But what makes you think I’ll decide that.” “Because,” I turn her toward me, “…because I’m asking you to.” “That wasn’t fair of me. I’m sorry.” She apologizes as she opens her purse and

    “Whatever you do please don’t burn me up and put me in a jar.”

    “Okay.” Tina laughs at me a little. “But what makes you think I’ll decide that.”

    “Because,” I turn her toward me, “…because I’m asking you to.”

    “That wasn’t fair of me. I’m sorry.” She apologizes as she opens her purse and checks her phone for the text we heard come in.

    “Let’s not snap at each other. It’s a fucking awful enough day without it. But like it or not stand next to me and pretend like you’re praying and reading a text if you have to. The only trace of her left up here is this toothy tennis star Kodak Moment.”

    “Helena wants to know what we want to put back in there? They’ve emptied the ashes into the cup.”

    “God, what a good question.” I bow my head in prayer, “I never thought I’d say this to you, but could you try to fake it a bit more?”

    Tina nods her head half paying attention to me but steps closer as we bow our heads to cover our crimes. I look over Tina’s shoulder.

    TEXT FROM TINA TO SHANE

    R U still here?

    TEXT FROM SHANE TO TINA

    Yep. Smoking. Lving soon tho

    TEXT FROM TINA TO SHANE

    Got any panties or bras in ur car?

    Tina shows me her question to Shane and watches me for agreement. I smile. “You are brilliant. Send it.” I hear the swooshing sound and off it goes.

    TEXT FROM TINA TO HELENA

    GOT SOMething coming. Stand by.

    TEXT FROM SHANE TO TINA

    WTF? Repeat: WTF?

    TEXT FROM TINA TO SHANE

    Stealing D’s ashes, need panties

    “God, how did I get to be Ground Control?” Tina laughs.

    “You’re good at it for one.”

    TEXT FROM HELENA TO TINA

    Alice is losing it with the egg. Hurry!

    TEXT FROM TINA TO SHANE

    Hurry 2 back door. ASAP.
    Shane EXT CU

    Church Storage Room – Shane

    Inside a church my pockets stuffed with women’s lingerie the nuns back in Texas predicted something like this for me a long time ago. Another prediction? It’s going to be months before I hear the fucking end of this from Carmen.

    Helena has decided the bent parts of her earring are a lead in to a winning party story. She waits before reattaching it to her to ear. We still have to fasten the thing back together again and sneak it back out there. I lean down over Alice who is moving the bras and panties I dug out of my car into little piles based on red, black, skin toned, or thong. I’d say there’s a nice selection for Dana’s send off.

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    Comments

    1. Another home run! So funny,witty but macabre and sad. Although, I wouldn’t like it if someone stole my loved one’s ashes but the scene was still freakin’ funny.

    2. Damn! this is hilarious!….So funny that i want to see that it played out on my tv screen!…
      Helena and Bette kiss? lmao..and she want to kiss Bette more? Alice is panicking?!
      “We’re coming Dana. Just hang in there.” Alice looks up at me desperately. “I can’t get the fucking thing open!” She cries…what about when Tina comes in and saw the”kiss”… :P precious!
      azmama was right..you’ve got another home run here.

    3. Bette kissing Helena and Tina walking on them. Hilarious! I pay good money to see that! I am so glad that Tina is going to talk to Bette about what happened to Lucy and her. Thanks for making Henry not there during the talk.

    4. Well my friend, you worked that one out quite well. So proud of you and your writings similar to spider webs, so precise yet riveting in beauty and flow. I laughed my butt off picturing in my mind that scene in the church playing out with the ashes and the kiss. It was an ending fit for the beauty of Dana and who she had become.
      Ahhh, a turn toward home….
      I like how you introduced the letter and conversation with Tina as a point in her life that I think Bette deserves an explanation for. The history between them warrants it. Hendick is still too fresh.
      I’m beaming for the journey. Your voice and style are incredibly right on with this story writing.
      Thank you for your gifts to us!

    6. the story is hilarious and sad. the funny part was helena and bette “kiss” lol. .yeah they hated each other. alice is a great character. i can’t believe about dana “died” in the show. you have done a marvelous job writing. as I always said, keep up the good work. i enjoyed your story.. now i am going to read the other story “Milkyway”

    7. Absolutely LOVED it.Top to bottom.Can u imagine the URN STEALING being played out on the small screen?So much better &funnier than 17REASONS

    8. Really liked this. It has all the emotions and was funny too. Would have loved to have seen the Helena/Bette kiss on screen with JB, LuH and RS!

      • SassyGran, Thank you! This was a really fun and amusing to write to imagine how the group of friends ended up with Dana’s ashes in the first place. Dana’s family had been very protective and dismissive of Dana and her friends. And then to conceive of the scenario of them stealing Dana’s ashes from the stuffy “blind the obvious” church in the Republican stronghold of Orange County.

        Another story that I had a blast writing was imagining was, Tomb Raider. Where would Bette go for baby kidnapping supplies when she spirited Angelica away from Shane’s botched wedding? Naturally, for the purposes of GIVING Bette a complete, “Fish Out of Water” moment I chose, WalMart. Bette Porter in a WalMart for the first time in her life and in the mood she was in amused me no end. I hope it did you, too.

        It is there she finds her wonderful prop that repeats a few more times to great effect in my WeHo series, Bette’s Bowie Knife. That scary treacherous thing so matched her boiling mood at times that she had to bring it out again and again for all its menacing glory. I can’t remember all the times she flashed it for her satisfaction and mine but they were all great moments.

        Thanks for reading! Thanks for commenting! And most of all – THANKS for enjoying yourself so thoroughly.

        Blackbird

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