’Can we see her?’ I asked.

That’s when he acknowledged my presence. ’Of course.’

’I’ll be right there.’ Tina said as I opened the door and walked into Renee’s hospital room.

Renee had smelled like cigarettes and Chanel no. 5 when she had been sitting next to me in the taxi from Charles de Gaulle into the heart of Paris. Her eyes had been the same as my mother’s, but she had talked in a language I hadn’t understood, although the words had sounded soothing. Maybe she had done it on purpose then, so I could take in the city I hadn’t known, on a continent I had never been to. Maybe it had been her way of making me accept the harsh reality of my life. I had been nine years old. She had taken me to the hotel and had given me a room that had been connected to her suite. We had had a rough start. She had never wanted children and hadn’t known how to deal with me. And I had been hard to handle—I had lost my mother, and then my father, and the kids at school had laughed at my accent. But as the years had passed, I had learned to love the city, I had made the language my own, and Renee and I had found our way.

’You look like a scared kid.’ Renee tried to smile but failed. There was a nasal cannula in her nose and the bubbling machine behind her bed pumped oxygen into her.

’And what if I am?’

Her cheeks were hollow and she looked so small and tired fighting for breath. ’I know that this is hard, it’s hard for both of us. But you have a life Bette and there’s still so much ahead of you. I lived mine, exactly how I wanted. I loved every minute of it. I still do. But at some point it will be over and I’m ok with that.’

’But I’m not.’ I said stubbornly raising my chin.

She reached out her hand and pulled me into a hug. ’You will have to find a way.’ She whispered in my ear.