I think back to that dream of Carmen and I in bed. The crispness, the unreal pounding in my blood that wanted to never come up for air. Is it wrong to fuck someone when you’re hung up on someone else? Is it wrong when you’re far inside and you feel the pull and it’s dragging you so far down, is it wrong to dream that it’s Carmen? Is it?

You bet your sweet ass it is.

And on that night way before Carmen found me at the club, way before Havoc showed up, way before I found out Carmen was pregnant with his baby. I knew it was wrong to use Dana. And somewhere in Dana I am sure she knew it wrong to use me.

It’s a lonely thing is what I kept telling myself. When we crawled off the beach and made it official to go back to her house and keep on fucking. We stumbled back in from the beach, hot dirty covered with sand. We head to the shower. And get the water going. I am standing in the shower getting the right temp for the water; Dana is kissing the back of my neck as I turn the dial to get the shower on. The warm spray of water hitting us getting all the sand off.

I turn her around and look at her. I use to love this woman. Her strong arms, firm everything. Those green eyes, the softness of her hair, the shape of her mouth, I tell her all of this. She doesn’t say anything in return. All she does is kiss and lick her way down my body, she finds what she is looking for and my eyes get all scrunchy.

Dana was never really that good at that. She tried but she could never get over how strange it was to her.

No this time though she got over it really good. Her tongue darting in and out. Her teeth doing the right thing, her fingers god her fingers, in and in and out. Shit was all I could say. When I came it was by surprise. I love it when that happens. And then something weird happens. We start kissing, really long passionate kisses. Not hard need, not desperate desire. We just kiss. And Dana gets her fancy soap and starts lathering it up. She gets one of her spongy things and cleans me up. Her touch is soft and it feels incredible. She tells me she always wanted to do that.