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    Can we get it back – Chapter 18

    “Are you scared about what you’ll uncover in the sessions with the therapist?” Bette asks curiously.

    “Yes, I am.” Tina admits. “What I can’t get my head around is that I left. The anger I felt, the depression that came in like a snake. Why couldn’t I stop it? Why couldn’t I fix it?” Tina asks, looking into Bette’s eyes. She can feel tears threatening to spill. Bette reach for Tina’s hand and softly squeezes it.

    “I know that it’s your issues that you have to work through, but I will be here every step of the way Tina. You are too precious to me.” Bette whispers with such emotion in her voice. “I need you in my life, for the rest of it.” She adds while tears also threatening in her eyes.

    “Angie and I talked while you were in with the doctors earlier. You know when you came in and we were both crying?” Tina says, waiting for Bette to catch up.

    “Yeah? What were you talking about?” Bette curiously asks as she keeps holding on to Tina’s hand for support.

    “She asked me how I could really know I wouldn’t leave again.” Tina softly says, still looking at Bette.

    “And how do you know?” Bette asks, almost afraid to hear the answer.

    “I told her that I love you. That I’ve always loved you.” Tina replies with a soft smile. She briefly looks down on their joined hands. “But that I lost sight of it. And that I would work my butt of to get to the bottom of the why’s.” She adds and wipes a lonely tear that slipped down her chin. “She also told me how you were after I told you I was getting married again. And that Bette broke my heart all over again. I am so sorry for hurting you.” The cries come on stronger now. She leans her head down on the sofa. Bette moves her hand and lovingly stroke the back of Tina’s head in a soothing pattern, until Tina’s cries slow down. She pulls up and wipes her tears, she meets Bette’s eyes. Bette can see the love shining through.

    “That was what you felt at the time. You thought you were in love with her. You shouldn’t be sorry for feeling. We’ll take as much time as we will need with this. I will give you all the space in the world to fix this. To get yourself through this. Because frankly I can not lose you again Tina. My heart will break into a million pieces if you’ll leave again. If you figure out during sessions or by being here, that you can’t stay, then that will surely kill me Tina.” Bette says and looks seriously at Tina.

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    Comments

    1. Happy Birthday! Finally you are big girl :)

      But Tina – do you think it’s wise to sleep at different bedrooms and leave Bette alone during the night? What if something happen to her – who could help her?

    2. Zehna.
      Agree that Tina needs to sleep in bed with Bette to keep eye on her.

      I’d been trying to understand Y Bette seems to be unconcerned about having had a brain tumor and surgery AND upcoming radiation which will be frickin’ evasive and cruelly harsh on her formerly fit body. Loss of her beautiful hair (scalp & facial) will surely iliicit emotions that Tibette has never experienced. Let alone Angie’s reaction as a teenager.

      You may have answered my question with Bette’s comments how she would completely shatter and DIE if Tina leaves AGAIN. She has been broken TOO MANY times loving Tina only to have her leave. She doesn’t have the will nor strength to keep fighting that particular battle.

    3. Have to agree Tina should not let Bette sleep alone just now. She should also be helping Bette a little more to deal with her illness. Bette will have a lot to deal with.

      Really enjoying the story thank you and look forward to your next.post ASAP, please
      SG

    4. Bette and Tina are going through what I would call a transition period. They are transitioning from being apart to being together. Their time apart needs to be explained and processes put into place to prevent what ever happened from happening again. That is the reason for Tina going to the therapist. Bette is still recovering from two surgeries. They are both trying to adjust to their new set of circumstances and hoping that eventually they will be both happy, and be together emotionally, mentally, and physically. I think we need to be patient with these two.

      As to should Bette and Tina share a bed? They should do what feels right for them. If Tina is worried about Bette’s well being, she could set up a baby monitor in Bette’s room. Bette has not been sharing a bed with anyone except on rare occasion for the past two years. She needs to do what she feels will help her rest and sleep the best.

      Tina may need privacy to tend to her own needs. Since they have yet to be intimate and Bette is not in condition to participate, it would be rude of Tina to self pleasure in Bette’s bed. Just a thought.

      I have seen comments about radiation and the possibility of hair loss for Bette. Generally, chemo-therapy is what causes hair loss. And it is generally not in all cases – some are worse than others. Chemo-therapy is administered through the blood stream and accesses entire body. The cells which are part of the hair growing process throughout the body become damaged and release the hair throughout the body. Until those cells repair themselves no hair will grow. Radiation is a stream of radio-active particles which are sent directly to a specific area of the body. The cells in that area are damaged and hopefully includes any cancer cells. Once radiation stops, the cells repair and resume natural function. So the cells in the area where the radiation occurs may stop producing hair at least temporarily. Since Bette’s tumor was localized and removed by surgery, the radiation will be in that area and that area only. Theoretically, since her head was shaved in that area, she will only have hair loss in that area. She should maintain the balance of her hair on her head, eye brows, eye lashes and everywhere else she has hair. She will have a permanent scar from her surgeries, however her hair may cover those and not be noticeable by the public.

      The fact is that those who do go through hair loss generally have only a short term emotional stress about the process. The chemotherapy process is so stressful to the body, that hair loss becomes almost incidental. The ability to eat, sleep and have some mobility become a far more concern than if you have hair of not. And the hair will grow back as soon as the chemotherapy stops and the body starts to heal from the treatments.

      Great story…and fantastic writer.

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