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“And we were, but I guess some time in between then and now, something changed for Tina.” Bette sadly adds.
“There will always be a scar there, a deep scar, because she is the love of me life, and I am not sure how to live without her. I’m coping, but… That’s it.” Bette continues, the tears now present. “I told Angie, that it pains me to the core that I could not make her happy. Tina said to me that I took up too much space, that she felt claustrophobic almost around me. That I now best, that I don’t regard other people’s feelings, my thoughts count more. That is also painful to hear, because I don’t do that on purpose. I never want to hurt anyone, but it seems that I keep doing it.” Bette says as she’s now openly crying. She can’t hold it in anymore.
Shane moves closer to Bette and put her arm around her shoulder for comfort.
“It’s going to be okay Bette. You just need time. Some needs more time than others.” Shane silently says.
“I’m not so sure about that Shane, the pain in my chest won’t go away.” Bette quickly replies while trying to dry her tears. “And…” Bette starts, but stops herself.
“And what?” Shane asks after a few moments waiting for what Bette was going to say.
“I know that Angie is worried about me. We talked about a month ago, she came to me. She was scared because of how I’ve been lately.” Bette continues. “I know I’m different, and I told her that it was because of the news of Tina’s up coming wedding, but…” Bette says almost choking. Just saying it causes a deep pain. “But that’s not just because of that…” Bette says almost in a whisper.
“What’s going on Bette, you can tell me. I’ll be here for you, whatever it is.” Shane says, rubbing Bette’s shoulder to keep comforting her.
Bette dries her tears, but more keeps coming. She wasn’t going to say anything to anyone, but… She’s tired and alone, she don’t want to be alone anymore with this.
“I… A few months ago I… I went to the doctor… and…” Bette starts. She can hear Shane’s intake of breath, but she ignores it briefly so she can just get this off her chest. “And… they found something.” Bette adds. She feels Shane taking a firmer hold around her shoulder. “I’d been unusually tired and moody and headaches, dizzy, nauseous. So finally Dani told me to go see a doctor. I went and… they found something.” Bette says as she stands up. “I have not told anyone Shane, and I’m begging you to not tell anyone either. Not yet anyway.” Bette says pleadingly looking at her.