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Chapter 12 – Progress
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Bette and Tina naively believed that they were perfectly hiding in front of their daughter and did not give rise to speculation that a love relationship was developing between them again. Of course, Angie could see that something was going on between her parents. She might not have noticed it before, but now that she herself had a little experience with someone, she could distinguish between normal companionship and romance.
She’d seen her moms talking for hours, both of them disappearing, she’d noticed them calling each other cute nicknames a few times when they thought they weren’t being heard, and she’d seen a bag of some of Bette’s clothes at Tina’s house.
To give her credit, Angie never pushed her parents. She smiled, pretended not to notice, nodded when Bette lied about being at work longer than usual, and just didn’t want to interfere with what was going on between her moms. Of course, she was a little stressed by these secrets and the fact that Bette and Tina were close to her in all other areas of life, but they were so obviously hiding something important, but she was willing to accept this development if it would lead to something good in the end.
It wasn’t all that colorful for Tina. She could feel the storm cloud hanging over her and Bette’s heads. Yes, at a certain moment everything is good, pleasant, a lot of love, but the storm can start at any second. She looked to the future and didn’t know what to expect. Their silence became more disturbing and depressing every day. She still didn’t know if Bette was going to discuss anything at all, or if she was happy with what was happening now. Is she going to share her thoughts about Tina’s letter, which Has been read for a long time. She didn’t want to rush Bette, push her to the next step, but what was happening now didn’t suit Tina at all. She felt like an irresponsible idiot who couldn’t solve any important issue in her life and just put everything off for later.
Tina and Angie saw each other almost every day. The shooting of her film went according to plan and Tina had a lot of free time, which She enjoyed sharing with her daughter. They went to museums, visited several colleges, went to the coast to relax, watched movies. Angie spent a lot of time on set, sometimes assisting actors, cameramen or Tina, sometimes just watching the process, communicating with those who worked on the film. She was interested in this industry and even became interested in photography, having seen enough of how professionals work with the camera, are engaged in setting the frame and trial takes, perform technical inspection of equipment. One of the cameramen suggested that Angie buy a camera that she could use to start exploring the world of photography. This all had a very positive effect on Tina and Angie’s relationship. Their contact became closer and this helped, perhaps, even self-determination of Angie in terms of personal relationships. She was less and less in touch with Eddie because she was busy on set or because she didn’t really want to keep in touch with him anymore. There were too many interesting things that needed attention, and Angie didn’t want to just keep hanging out with Eddie’s friends all the time and listen to what kind of weed they’d tried this time.
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So the reason for the split was a gradual drifting apart? That seems reasonable. And Bette blames herself for 80% of this drifting? Okay… and Bette is scared that she will repeat this sometime in the future and will lose Tina again. But what they both agree on is that they are much happier together than they ever can be apart so they agree to try and reconcile their relationship? Well, I think this was a good talk and a good beginning. I really think they need to delve into the specifics more so they are both aware of the effects their behavior had on the other. They need to be able to recognize the signs that things are deteriorating and sooner rather than later. It’s to easy to fall back into old habits and relationships and get the same results. Both will have to make some changes to be sure that problems are addressed as they happen and not allow to sit an marinate and cause resentment and hard feelings. It will take effort on both of their parts to make it work. Communication is the key and on a constant and consistent basis. The solutions may not be satisfactory for both parties, but at least identifying the problem will go a long way toward a mutually agreed upon solution. Knowing they love each other and that they can share their thoughts with each other without being judgemental helps tremendously.
Thank you for this lovely chapter…. cannot wait to read more.
Agree, Martha. Well said. Important to recognize that both caused any drifting. I seriously doubt Bette is 80 percent responsible and it is dangerous for her to think that. This is the ghost of Melvin Porter once again. Bette should not take on a majority of that burden. Plus it is a very odd calculation. Based upon what exactly? Communication is more essential than ever. Both need to own their patterns of behavior and work together towards the end result they both want. Not a time for Tina to let Bette be scared and feel guilty. Own your letter Tina. Let’s not muddy the waters now. Work the issues together.
It’s just a lack of communication between them at the time when they were going to get divorced. None of them are guilty to a greater or lesser extent, and it hardly makes sense to measure who is more at fault. But Bette’s character is such that she either feels absolutely right, or believes that she destroyed everything herself. No half measures. Emotional lady. But that’s what makes it interesting, I think :)
And you’re right that Tina should pay attention to Bette’s desperate self-blame.
Thanks for the reply. That is our Bette and yes Tina needs to pay attention. Now the hard work begins.
I echo Billy’s great comment – especially the ‘own your letter’ Tina., work the issues together. There is so much more to unwrap. This relationship is like an onion, layer after layer that makes you cry as you peel. This chapter is an EXCELLENT start to talking, owning their share and supporting each other through each layer. Looking forward to the next chapter. Thanks, ADA
You are as always incredible in metaphors, BK. Thank you for reading.
You’re so right, Martha. It’s so hard to start a relationship over, remembering everything that happened before. It is difficult to retrain yourself in something, not to make the same mistakes. Added to this is the fear that you will do something wrong and everything will collapse again. So it’s a long way with a lot of “traps” and “secret doors”.
Thank you for your detailed comment.
Hmm, i must say i disagree with Bette about her though that divorce was necessary – i think it was worst thing that happen with them. Why? Because it you can’t resolve your problems in marriage what a chance that you can resolve them after divorce? I think very and very small.
In reality that’s why relationship practically never work in second try.
It seems to me that sometimes to solve problems, you need to look at the situation from the other side. In their case, from divorced people who don’t live together. Sure, divorce is a hard and painful thing, but sometimes it also starts to be a catalyst for resuming a stronger, more thoughtful relationship. Of course, none of them were happy after the divorce, but he played an important role in making everyone understand something for themselves. It’s not typical, but it happens…
Hey Ada,
Engaging chapter.
Liked them working on their issues & owning their responsibilities in their relationship. & taking the steps to avoid the pitfalls this time around.
Thanks for the update!!!
Collins
Hi! I’m glad you took the time to read this chapter. I’m waiting for the moment when I can read your latest update – it’s difficult because we both write about gq. And I love your story so much, it’s so multi-faceted!
Thank you for your comment, Collins.
Hey Ada,
Always have time to read new chapters. As your fellow author, I want to support everyone as well.
Again, terrific chapter & thanks for giving us another view of Tibette.
Take care.
Collins
A
Love how Angie knows about what is going on between her parents, but is old enough to understand the need to let it happen at its own pace.
There are so many different approaches to explaining the end of a long term relationship. I love how you have captured the differing perspectives, yet being able to have each character see the others point of view. Communication is at the foundation of any reconciliation.
Love how this is unfolding.
K
Thank you very much! I’m happy when I see your comments. The process of connecting after a divorce is really an important part of the family experience and communication is the key to love without pain.