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Chapter 12 – Progress
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Bette looked like she had a lot to say, a lot of thoughts, doubts, and fears in her head. They sat side by side, looking at each other, and Tina moved a little closer and put her hand on Bette’s knee, stroking it.
”Just say whatever you want to say. We’re in this together and I’m here for you. You can say anything, okay? Everything that’s in your heart”
”I’m scared”
Bette’s eyes immediately filled with tears, but she didn’t cry. It was really hard for her. Even after all these years, there were times when she couldn’t share everything that had accumulated inside of her with Tina.
”I’m afraid to move on. I want it, I love you, but when I’m about to take the next step, it’s like a wall grows up in front of me that doesn’t let me do it. I’m ready for this, but it’s like my brain is shielding me from possible pain”
”Maybe it’s a matter of trust? I broke your trust…”
”I don’t think it’s about trust. At least not only in it”
Bette took Tina’s hand and slowly twirled her fingers, intertwining them with Tina’s.
”The thing is, I really blame myself. All right. Now I can say it. I blame myself more than I blame you, and I don’t trust myself, not you. I really don’t know how to believe myself. And I’m afraid of what might happen if we take the next step. If we are seriously going to talk about the resumption of the family will tell about this Angie, our friends… I have a feeling that once we do this, everything will happen again after a while. We will start moving away, problems will start… I just can’t guarantee that it won’t happen, you know? And I’m not sure that our psychological health is strong enough for us to get over it again. I’m afraid to open this door”
Tina stared at Bette. She pondered every word of the brunette and digested all the information.
”Is there any guarantee of love, Bette? Can anyone give a guarantee of what will happen in a year or five years? We can only do everything we can to prevent this from happening again. Try and work. But no one can know for sure. Never say never”
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So the reason for the split was a gradual drifting apart? That seems reasonable. And Bette blames herself for 80% of this drifting? Okay… and Bette is scared that she will repeat this sometime in the future and will lose Tina again. But what they both agree on is that they are much happier together than they ever can be apart so they agree to try and reconcile their relationship? Well, I think this was a good talk and a good beginning. I really think they need to delve into the specifics more so they are both aware of the effects their behavior had on the other. They need to be able to recognize the signs that things are deteriorating and sooner rather than later. It’s to easy to fall back into old habits and relationships and get the same results. Both will have to make some changes to be sure that problems are addressed as they happen and not allow to sit an marinate and cause resentment and hard feelings. It will take effort on both of their parts to make it work. Communication is the key and on a constant and consistent basis. The solutions may not be satisfactory for both parties, but at least identifying the problem will go a long way toward a mutually agreed upon solution. Knowing they love each other and that they can share their thoughts with each other without being judgemental helps tremendously.
Thank you for this lovely chapter…. cannot wait to read more.
Agree, Martha. Well said. Important to recognize that both caused any drifting. I seriously doubt Bette is 80 percent responsible and it is dangerous for her to think that. This is the ghost of Melvin Porter once again. Bette should not take on a majority of that burden. Plus it is a very odd calculation. Based upon what exactly? Communication is more essential than ever. Both need to own their patterns of behavior and work together towards the end result they both want. Not a time for Tina to let Bette be scared and feel guilty. Own your letter Tina. Let’s not muddy the waters now. Work the issues together.
It’s just a lack of communication between them at the time when they were going to get divorced. None of them are guilty to a greater or lesser extent, and it hardly makes sense to measure who is more at fault. But Bette’s character is such that she either feels absolutely right, or believes that she destroyed everything herself. No half measures. Emotional lady. But that’s what makes it interesting, I think :)
And you’re right that Tina should pay attention to Bette’s desperate self-blame.
Thanks for the reply. That is our Bette and yes Tina needs to pay attention. Now the hard work begins.
I echo Billy’s great comment – especially the ‘own your letter’ Tina., work the issues together. There is so much more to unwrap. This relationship is like an onion, layer after layer that makes you cry as you peel. This chapter is an EXCELLENT start to talking, owning their share and supporting each other through each layer. Looking forward to the next chapter. Thanks, ADA
You are as always incredible in metaphors, BK. Thank you for reading.
You’re so right, Martha. It’s so hard to start a relationship over, remembering everything that happened before. It is difficult to retrain yourself in something, not to make the same mistakes. Added to this is the fear that you will do something wrong and everything will collapse again. So it’s a long way with a lot of “traps” and “secret doors”.
Thank you for your detailed comment.
Hmm, i must say i disagree with Bette about her though that divorce was necessary – i think it was worst thing that happen with them. Why? Because it you can’t resolve your problems in marriage what a chance that you can resolve them after divorce? I think very and very small.
In reality that’s why relationship practically never work in second try.
It seems to me that sometimes to solve problems, you need to look at the situation from the other side. In their case, from divorced people who don’t live together. Sure, divorce is a hard and painful thing, but sometimes it also starts to be a catalyst for resuming a stronger, more thoughtful relationship. Of course, none of them were happy after the divorce, but he played an important role in making everyone understand something for themselves. It’s not typical, but it happens…
Hey Ada,
Engaging chapter.
Liked them working on their issues & owning their responsibilities in their relationship. & taking the steps to avoid the pitfalls this time around.
Thanks for the update!!!
Collins
Hi! I’m glad you took the time to read this chapter. I’m waiting for the moment when I can read your latest update – it’s difficult because we both write about gq. And I love your story so much, it’s so multi-faceted!
Thank you for your comment, Collins.
Hey Ada,
Always have time to read new chapters. As your fellow author, I want to support everyone as well.
Again, terrific chapter & thanks for giving us another view of Tibette.
Take care.
Collins
A
Love how Angie knows about what is going on between her parents, but is old enough to understand the need to let it happen at its own pace.
There are so many different approaches to explaining the end of a long term relationship. I love how you have captured the differing perspectives, yet being able to have each character see the others point of view. Communication is at the foundation of any reconciliation.
Love how this is unfolding.
K
Thank you very much! I’m happy when I see your comments. The process of connecting after a divorce is really an important part of the family experience and communication is the key to love without pain.