Bette: What a beautiful day. I guess I’m a little hungrier than I thought. I think this is better than what we had this morning.

Tina: Well, it’s midafternoon on the east coast and lunch time here. It’s been about seven hours since we ate. So, our bodies are telling us that it’s time to eat. Of course, we got up really early. We been on a five-hour flight. We have traveled three time zones.

Bette: It’s so nice out here. Nice breeze. I love these plants you have out here. Gives this deck a feeling of naturalness.

Tina: Yes, it does. I see that Margaret is keeping them watered. That’s good. I believe she loves gardening just as much as I do. You know, with Mary moving in, we may need to increase the number of days we have the house keeping service and we may want to add laundry services to their duties to their to do list.

Bette: Look, you have my permission to bring in whatever services you want to help this household run smoothly and to free up our time to do other things. It’s not like we cannot afford it, because that is not the problem. Maybe after Christmas, we should consider getting live in help. A couple who can be responsible for both the house and the yard. Or at least a couple who lives close by who come every day to help with the cooking and cleaning.

Tina: That sounds nice. But sometimes it makes me feel guilty. I feel like I’m failing as a mom and a spouse when I can’t just step up and do it all.

Bette: Tina Kennard-Porter? You listen to me. Your role in this family is to be present. To be available. Doing the household chores is something is necessary for a smooth operating household. But you are not and never have been solely responsible for those. That is a shared responsibility between the two of us. We have always had help with those chores. And the reason was that we both had full time jobs and simply did not have time to preform those duties. In reality, we still both have full time jobs and it’s not that we don’t have time or the ability, we just choose to do other things besides household chores with our time. And as long as those things are getting done, what does it matter who does them?  As long as we are sharing them equitably, what does it matter who does them? Now that we have a lot more resources, there is no reason not to hire someone to do these things we need done. Your time is just as valuable as mine. And just because you and I choose not to run the vacuum cleaner, or do the dusting or do the laundry does not mean we are lazy or irresponsible or failing in our duties and obligations to the family. The criteria for a good mom is not how well she cooks or how often she prepares a family meal. Nor is it how much laundry she does. The criteria for a good parent is to be present and involved. And you get really high marks in that department. So don’t you ever believe for a minute that you are failing as a mom and a spouse. You are the most wonderful mom and spouse I know.