I hadn’t been that bad of a friend in the past… if anything I would have given her any number of my exes but it still doesn’t excuse what I did and I know that.

”Another one, Tina?”

”Yeah” I nodded – feeling a hand on my shoulder I turned around and smiled ”Hi there”

”You look like shit, Darling”

”Gee, thanks friend” Was she trying to bring me down even more?

”You called”

”It was nothing, really”

The tall Brit sat down on the stool beside me ”It had to have been something, you don’t ask for me for much” winking

”I fucked up” sipping on my bourbon

”People fuck up all the time”

”Not like this they don’t”

She reached over and took my hand, I placed my hand over my face… Helena had seen me cry before but I still didn’t like people to witness me at my weakest moments ”You have been doing so much better and I was beginning to think that you had moved on”

I laughed bitterly ”Harder said than done” downing the last of my drink

”You really shouldn’t be drinking on your medication”

When I met Helena she wasn’t this supportive but between losing my best friend and potentially only woman I had loved, she’d became an unlikely friend and confidant  and I had hit rock bottom after Bette walked off with Carly that Sunday afternoon and when I turned to Helena for comfort and was finally able to let myself go… it was freeing ”They’re anti-depressants, Helena. I can indulge from time to time” I quacked back.

It’s crazy thinking back to that time because all the Brit was suppose to be was just another woman to fill the void that Bette had left and Helena was very similar to her but wrong reasons aside… I am so glad I didn’t, it would have ruined a great friendship.

”Honey, your scaring me” moving her hand she run her hand over my back ”What happened?”

”Bette came to see me last night” I answered simply

”Bette”

I nodded ”It got… heated”

”Oh Tina” She knew this was bad and that Bette was bad for me ”Did you have sex with her?”

”No but I really wanted to. It took everything in me”