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    Diary of a Mad Addict . . . Chapter 31

    Story written on November 12, 2005 by T6beach.
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    24 votes, average: 3.50 out of 524 votes, average: 3.50 out of 524 votes, average: 3.50 out of 524 votes, average: 3.50 out of 524 votes, average: 3.50 out of 5 (24 votes, average: 3.50 out of 5)
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    Character(s): N/A
    Number of Comments: 12
    Words: 3609
    Story Shortlink: https://lesfan.com/?p=57595
    Author Notes:

    Impatience is not a virtue and wisdom does not necessarily develop with age.

    I looked up at the green light, my neck immediately sore, then glanced into my rearview mirror to catch a glimpse of the impatient knucklehead who had so rudely startled me. (WHAT THE EVERLOVIN *****???) Seeing only the bill of a worn and tattered VFW ball cap barely cresting the steering wheel, I knew I had been punked by one of the local retired “snowbirds” just arriving in the area for the winter season. I thought for a moment, WWJD (“What Would Jesus Do”?) then I thought, “***** Jesus . . .What Would BETTE Do”?

    I knew EXACTLY what Bette would do; I’ve seen her in action . . . pop out of the car, slam the door, stride with anger and purpose toward the old man, pull him from his oversized vehicle, knock him to the ground while verbally abusing him and stick a stiletto heel in his chest piercing the skin just enough to draw blood and frighten the wrinkled geeezer to death. Oh yea, that’s what Bette would do alright.

    Needing to get to the mall to grab some sugar, caffeine and a little fan fic, I decided not to dismount the bike and pummel the ***** out of the old *****. I didn’t want any more misery in my life at the moment, so I ignored his tooting and simply waved my arm in acknowledgement of his observation that the light had changed and I needed to move on.

    But as luck would have it, and on this particular day I had NO luck at all, my hand gesture was misinterpreted as an obscene gesture further angering the old man.

    “Hey Ellen Degenerate move your ***** lovin ***** lickin ***** along” he bellowed , his head sticking ever so slightly out the side window, his voice cracking and sputtering as many old voices do.

    At first I wasn’t quite sure I had heard him correctly, shocked at the language coming from that potty mouth. I turned my head slowly, my neck still stinging from the jolt I experienced at his unexpected car horn, and slid my prescription bifocaled sunglasses down my nose to stare at him eye to eye. I had no doubt his choice of words was in reference to the rainbow-colored lettering on the back of my leather jacket . . . ***** DRAMA CLUB.

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    Comments

    4. Awesome chapter there beach. I am too addicted to the beloved Sea but I also look forward to your work as well. don’t keep up waiting so long next time.

    5. i know you probably didn’t feel funny, but it was hilarious, especially vision of bette and the need for a donut and B&T porn-like sex fan fic…thanks, i haven’t laugh like that for quite long time

    7. She’s alive!!!! I saw your name and just about fell out of my chair! There are so many over the top, hilarious lines in this chapter, I would have to just retype the whole thing in the comment box in order to make sure I got them all. This is pure T6Beach…and it doesn’t get any funnier than that! Talk with you soon!

    8. Beachie, it is so good to see a chapter from you and an honor to be mentioned in it. This chapter was so damn funny and it put me in such a great mood that I will be smiling all day. Take care and thanks again for writing this chapter for us.

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