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    Ever Onward

    Story written on November 29, 2006 by Speed_Racer.
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    1 vote, average: 5.00 out of 51 vote, average: 5.00 out of 51 vote, average: 5.00 out of 51 vote, average: 5.00 out of 51 vote, average: 5.00 out of 5 (1 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)
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    Number of Comments: 12
    Words: 4053
    Story Shortlink: https://lesfan.com/?p=63390
    Author Notes:

    Meandering thoughts. Everything leads back to her. Why does that surprise her? Oneshot.

    You can’t imagine your life without your daughter in it.

    Just as you couldn’t imagine your life without her.

    But you’ve managed to move on from her. From that life you’d lived for almost nine years. That period you thought of as your dream life. It had been a dream and now you were awake and saw it for what it was.

    A dream, a mere thought of what you wanted. It had not been enough for you nor for her it seemed

    Love shouldn’t be so hard.

    You tried to forgive.

    You thought you had a forgiving nature, but that was not the case. You know that now, because it hadn’t worked. No matter how many times you said it, or how many times you believed it, you know you never forgave her.

    You would look at her and see them together. Brief flashes of images behind your eyelids and you would be angry all over again.

    Hurt all over again.

    Humiliated all over again.

    You didn’t like being angry and bitter. Better to forgive and move on, right? For the sake of their child, right?

    Things are never simple, you now realize.

    You couldn’t forgive.

    She couldn’t fully apologize. Couldn’t see the total devastation she’d wrought.

    You hadn’t allowed her to see it. She’s broken you so thoroughly that you couldn’t let your guard down. Mustn’t let her back in, you often thought to yourself.

    You loved her, but you couldn’t trust her.

    Anger and distrust festered in your soul.

    You couldn’t touch her without seeing them together. You couldn’t look at her without seeing the broken façade.

    You tried.

    She tried.

    But not really.

    You knew you only tried hard enough so you would feel justified in your behavior.

    She cheated and broke your heart.

    You had never done anything like that to her. She did not know the pain you felt. The pain that kept you company with the rhythmic beat of your daughters kicks in your stomach. That caused the tears from your eyes and made you sick at the thought of it.

    She must have known, right?

    How unhappy you were, how you hadn’t truly forgiven her, right?

    That things weren’t right with the two of you.

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    Comments

    3. Tina? It’s pretty apt, the emotions you wrote. Not bad! You’re good at expressing emotions that are normally found deep within a person. I only wish that Tina would show it more in the show itself (S3). Great job speedy! Do continue to write!

    6. Wow…I’m just reading this and am blown away! You have a gift of being able to flesh out the thoughts and conflicting emotions in these characters. Wish you would continue! Meanwhile, I must admit that there seemed to be a quantum leap at the end that confused me. Did Bette just accept Tina’s return?

    7. No Arkaycee Bette didn’t accept her. This was just Tina upon seeing Bette after a period of not seeing her and she was feeling like she was finally home. Bette’s confused as hell because in my mind Bette hasn’t seen Tina in a few months. Tina really tried to move on with her life without Bette. It just didn’t work. Oh and Tina had been at the airport going on a trip with Henry and then left and drove to WeHo to see Bette. And the ending scene is just with Tina standing on Bette’s porch with Angie to get what she wants.

    8. Wow this was great, I agree with rebelzz about Tina showing it more on the show. I hope you continue this story, I would love to see how you would play out the scene with Tina at Bette’s door. okay, great story though

    11. Ouch Speedy, the opening paragraphs kinda hurt. Wow, well again you have done an excellent job. Now you have three little doors open, I don’t know which one I want to peer into next.

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