Chapter 9

***Bette***

Its been a month since Melissa died and Angelica is still grieving her loss. She has become withdrawn. Her grades are slipping, she stopped playing soccer and I know how much she loves the game. Shes hardly eating and is often confined to her room. On the weekend she would ride over the cemetery to sit at Melissas grave for hours at a time sometimes. I still hear her crying at night. Its not as much as before though. The sparkle in her eyes is gone. I am scared that if she doesnt come out of this hole that we would lose her too. Tina and I talked about taking her to see a psychologist, the appointment is tomorrow after school. We chose not to tell her in advance for fear of opposition, but to our surprise she agreed to go. Normally Tina and I took separate cars to work so one of us would pick up either Aiden or Angelica, but we decided to take one car so we could go together with her to the doctors.

Babe, you confirmed Annies appointment with Dr. Mitchell tomorrow? I asked as a got into bed and snuggled in my lovers arms.

Yeah, I called. He said if you come earlier too he could squeeze us in.

I really hope he can get her through this. I feel so helpless.

I know, I know me too. Well at least she agreed to go.

I guess.

You know what I was thinking babe?

What?

We could take the day off instead. Call her school, have them excuse her for the day.

Yeah, we could do that. Maybe we could push the appointment up a bit.

Yeah? Yeah. Good.

I lay playing with her hair. T?

Yeah babe.

I have a confession to make, and I dont want you to me upset with me for being selfish about it.

Just say it.

I could tell by her tone she that she is getting impatient, but is started it so I guess I would have to finish it. I sometimes wish that you die before me so I wont have to suffer your loss if you did before me. I dont think I could survive without you. I am not as strong as everyone makes me out to be. I know I have to be there for our children, heaven forbid if something happens to you, and I would want to be there more than anything, but when you left me for being with Candace, you took everything I had in me with you. There were days I wished I didnt wake up, and I cursed everyday I spent without you. And if I had the guts I would have killed myself. Because I realised that I really cant live without you. And its not just a clichd talk. I mean I really would die from grief if you died before me. Ok its been at least ten seconds since I said what I did, and I know she didnt fall asleep on me so why is she so quiet. Say something. Anything. Ok shes mad. Maybe I should have just kept that to myself. T?