”You’ll never see the courage I know
Its color’s richness won’t appear within your view
I’ll never glow – the way that you glow
Your presence dominates the judgments made on you
But as the scenery grows, I see in different lights
The shades and shadows undulate in my perception
My feelings swell and stretch; I see from greater heights
I understand what I am still too proud to mention – to you…”

After their fight, they started to get along pretty well.
Where’s the temperamental chicana who used to forgive but not to forget?
Shane has no idea.
This new woman is a true mystery.
But she has Carmen’s deep brown eyes. She has Carmen’s voice. She has Carmen’s gestures and scent.
She has Carmen’s heart.
And Shane feels so overwhelmed every time she sees her face, every time she hears her voice, every time Carmen touches her casually.
You can’t help who you love, she thinks to herself.
And maybe it’s karma, maybe this is my punishment for the mistakes I made.
I had this very special girl, once.
There was this girl who loved me, who wanted to take care of me, who wanted me by her side no matter what. Who accepted to marry me despite my betrayal, despite all the things I needed to learn yet. Who gave me a real family.
There was this girl who gave me the chance to be a better person.
And I fucked everything up.
And now that I’m back, now that my feelings are back, and now that I’ve never be surest about what I want, she doesn’t seem to want me anymore.
She surely doesn’t love me like she used to and isn’t the same person she once was.
It’s so terribly right, after all.

”You’ll say you understand, but you don’t understand
You’ll say you’d never give up seeing eye to eye
But never is a promise, and you can’t afford to lie…
You’ll never touch – these things that I hold
The skin of my emotions lies beneath my own
You’ll never feel the heat of this soul
My fever burns me deeper than I’ve ever shown – to you…”

And now we’re having a dinner together, just Carmen and me, Shane thinks.
Candle light, a white tablecloth, crystal glasses, red wine, fantastic food.
Carmen sitting in front of me and her eyes glimmering in the dim light.
She seemed a little uncomfortable, at first, when she entered the room. She didn’t imagine such a surprise.
Of course she didn’t. When we were together, I’ve never had any presents for her.
Another sad realization.
But now she’s relaxed and she’s enjoying my company, I can see that.
Shane puts the fork in her plate and sips her wine.
“…And this singer was so amazed by my mix, that he asked me to produce his brand new album…”, Carmen says shyly, shrugging.
Shane nods.
“Of course he was… You’re great”.
Carmen chuckles briefly, raising her eyebrows.
“If I remember well, once you told me that I wasn’t so bad…”, she teases.
Shane smiles.
“I remember. It was at the opening of WAX, right?”.
“Yeah…”. Carmen stares at the piece of cake in her plate, her face unreadable.
“…You were amazingly beautiful, that night…”, Shane confesses in a murmur.
“You too. I saw you skating in that beautiful attire… and I was so enchanted that I remained there for a long time, unseen, just staring at you…”, Carmen says playing with her fork.
Shane blushes.
“Really?”.
Carmen half-smiles.
“Chicks dig ties…”.
Shane chuckles and grabs her hand on the table, squeezing gently.
Carmen’s face becomes serious and she motions to get up.
“I’m gonna call it a night. Thank you for this wonderful –“.
Shane’s hand on her hand, tightening the grip.
“No, please… Please, stay…”.
Carmen blinks and then looks at her straight in the eyes.
“Why?”.
Shane swallows.
“Because I like to hold your hand…”, she whispers.
Carmen blushes a little.
“Well, McCutcheon, you’re allowed to make it last for a little while then… Because this is the closest you’re going to be to this body…”, she jokes.
Shane nods and tries hard not to smile.
“Well, thank you so much…”.
They remain silent for a long time.
“Carmen…”.
“Yeah…”.
A rapid exchange of glances. Shane’s eyebrow raises.
“…Just show me one boob…”.
Unexpectedly, Carmen bursts out laughing.
Shane’s heart opens wide.