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    Hindsight – Chapter 16

    Story written on January 13, 2007 by Jobadge.
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    2 votes, average: 3.50 out of 52 votes, average: 3.50 out of 52 votes, average: 3.50 out of 52 votes, average: 3.50 out of 52 votes, average: 3.50 out of 5 (2 votes, average: 3.50 out of 5)
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    Number of Comments: 28
    Words: 3464
    Story Shortlink: https://lesfan.com/?p=63982
    Author Notes:

    Tina Kennard: How did I go from being in an eight year relationship with a biracial lesbian immediately into a two month relationship with a straight white male…?

    Hindsight – Chapter 16

    Main Entry: hindsight
    Pronunciation: ‘hIn(d)-"sIt
    Function: noun

    Meaning:  understanding the nature of an event after it has happened

    "Hindsight is always better than foresight"

     

     

    I put the photograph back in its rightful place, before resting my forehead against the steering wheel, why had the sudden light been replaced with a heaviness that felt heavier than it had in… how long… how long had I had this feeling inside me…, it was longer than the time we had been apart, or rather it was longer than the time I left, but there was a difference between this heaviness and the heaviness of before, that was an emptiness too, or was these past weeks the combination of emptiness and heaviness… weighing in my chest…  

     

     

    At this moment in time…, the feeling…, this one inside me… I breathe in and it hurts, my chest hurts, my head hurts, the lightness I felt when I started driving seems to have been replaced, with the light came the heavy, and with the heavy came an overwhelming sense of sadness…

     

     

    Looking at that picture had done more harm than good… but did it, was it doing me any harm to see what we had together, it hurt looking at that picture, it brought me to a place I hadn’t been in a while, a place I hadn’t allowed myself to visit, my life with her… with Bette, the good times…

     

     

    I had been trying to focus on the bad, on the times where I could wake up in such a foul mood and take every bit of it out on her, focus on me being Angelica’s birth mother, she hadn’t carried her, given birth to her, breastfed her… those were the things I had been focusing on these last eight weeks, telling myself she had no rights, she had no place in Angelica’s life, what could she possibly add to Angelica’s life that I couldn’t… I was her mother; she didn’t need another one…

     

     

    Or did she… because she was there, not initially, but that was my doing, it was another thing I had revelled in, knowing I was expecting a baby and she didn’t know… I stand and look at her, feeling that flutter inside when I felt a kick, knowing that she had no idea what was going on inside me, it felt good to see her that night at Dana and Tonya’s party, with Helena on my arm and me… knowing that for the first time I was going to be flaunting my growing self, flaunting the knowledge of my baby in her face…

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    Comments

    3. Yah she made it back…I hope Tina comes home….but she is thinking about going back to Henry’s tonight. Thanks for posting Jobadge. This could go either way.

    4. Loving this story! especially that your Tina isn’t some kind of monster, she seems pretty confused though but they are both so sweet in this story, in a kind of tragic way. Like it a lot.

    5. Well, yeah, she has to go back, she could only carry so many diapers in one trip. She has to go back and get her own stuff, and maybe even do Henry the courtesy of saying goodbye. Who says lesbians can’t be good and boring? Pack it up and move it out of the house that was never a home. Hey Jo, I had to look up rusk in my dictionary. That Angelica sure has exotic tastes for an American kid.

    8. A rusk is a rectangular, hard, dry biscuit or twice-baked bread (courtesy of wikipedia). That doesn’t sound too appealing. lol Anyway I prefer Tina in fuzzy wuzzy slippers being boring with Bette too.

    10. I can see Bette pacing and Tina’s head in the day dreams of the past. They still know each other so well. I am with skycaptain about Tina returning to Henry for the night. Hopefully, Tina will have long short talk with Henry and end their relationship. Even if she does not go to Bette right away at least move towards Bette again. You can hear the regret that Tina has for ever leaving Bette and not working through her issues that she alone had. I still belive in B&T and hope that they can take that long road towards each other.

    16. wonderful!! i like so much how you show us all the feelings in their, her anxieties, her fears but the most important the love that they have for each other, i hope they find out soon how much they love

    21. as always another excellent chapter from my fav writer. and yeah — what’s wrong with being boring ? did you know that thyey picked the actor who plays Henry just because he looked so boring ? thanks for the ” thing” by the way – i will try not to ask you again – chat soon xxx

    22. Wow Jo… Just wow… The way you describe emotions, they are palpable in the air, lingering inbetween me and the computerscreen… I can see, hear, feel, sense, every emotion you name with your magnificent words… Thanks for this little miracle, as every chapter of this story is

    23. Would it be too much of an understatement to say that I quite like this story? Anyway, just to let you know, for someone who’s supposed to be in retirement I managed to get over my first chapter nerves yesterday and rattled off about 2000 words of something completely different.

    25. Excellent ! Excellent ! Excellent ! Love this kind of drama ! How talented are you ?! Thank you for allowing us into your amazing world, Jo. You’re still the Golden Goddess of Fan fiction writing.

    28. There’s no question in my mind that Tina should just stay with her family tonight… call it wishful Tibette thinking, but that’s just the way I see it. Always brilliant, mate. Heart-breaking and oh so beautiful.

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