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    Hindsight – Chapter 16

    Story written on January 13, 2007 by Jobadge.
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    2 votes, average: 3.50 out of 52 votes, average: 3.50 out of 52 votes, average: 3.50 out of 52 votes, average: 3.50 out of 52 votes, average: 3.50 out of 5 (2 votes, average: 3.50 out of 5)
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    Number of Comments: 28
    Words: 3464
    Story Shortlink: https://lesfan.com/?p=63982
    Author Notes:

    Tina Kennard: How did I go from being in an eight year relationship with a biracial lesbian immediately into a two month relationship with a straight white male…?

     

     

    But that was the thing I came to find out, in trying to hurt her…, seeing that look in her eye and that intense sadness when she looked at me…, I was hurting her, hurting her beyond anything else, and I knew that, but it didn’t bring the satisfaction I believed it would, it made me feel worse… the heaviness got heavier, the sadness got deeper, and yet I couldn’t bring myself to do anything about it…

     

     

    I kept pretending, I kept going down that heterosexual route that I had insisted I needed or wanted, those feelings I felt I had to explore, and now, as I pull up outside the house I shared with him… I can’t help but sigh… I’m even shaking my head at the place I’m now at…

     

     

    How did I go from being in an eight year relationship with a biracial lesbian immediately into a two month relationship with a straight white male…?

     

     

    Seems a simple question on the surface as I slide my key into the door of his house, but then again it truly wasn’t a simple question, I think its one I had been avoiding answering, which is why I have been avoiding spending any time with people who I classed as my friends…

     

     

    The friends who have supported me, been there for me through thick and thin, made me laugh, made me cry, listened to me, talked to me…

     

     

    What did that make me if I had turned my back on all those things that were part of my life for eight years, why didn’t I want to spend any time with them now, why was Henry’s friends the only ones I socialised with, well barely…, if you can call going out four times socialising… fraternising with the straight white suburbs is how I’m sure Alice would put it… turning my back on something that meant so much to me, turning my back on a lifestyle that was hard to accept at first, not only in myself but for others, but those friends and Bette… they were all there for me, making the transition of my own self acceptance was harder than I had ever imagined, but I did it with their love and support, their unconditional love for me… and now I had turned my back on them…

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    Comments

    3. Yah she made it back…I hope Tina comes home….but she is thinking about going back to Henry’s tonight. Thanks for posting Jobadge. This could go either way.

    4. Loving this story! especially that your Tina isn’t some kind of monster, she seems pretty confused though but they are both so sweet in this story, in a kind of tragic way. Like it a lot.

    5. Well, yeah, she has to go back, she could only carry so many diapers in one trip. She has to go back and get her own stuff, and maybe even do Henry the courtesy of saying goodbye. Who says lesbians can’t be good and boring? Pack it up and move it out of the house that was never a home. Hey Jo, I had to look up rusk in my dictionary. That Angelica sure has exotic tastes for an American kid.

    8. A rusk is a rectangular, hard, dry biscuit or twice-baked bread (courtesy of wikipedia). That doesn’t sound too appealing. lol Anyway I prefer Tina in fuzzy wuzzy slippers being boring with Bette too.

    10. I can see Bette pacing and Tina’s head in the day dreams of the past. They still know each other so well. I am with skycaptain about Tina returning to Henry for the night. Hopefully, Tina will have long short talk with Henry and end their relationship. Even if she does not go to Bette right away at least move towards Bette again. You can hear the regret that Tina has for ever leaving Bette and not working through her issues that she alone had. I still belive in B&T and hope that they can take that long road towards each other.

    16. wonderful!! i like so much how you show us all the feelings in their, her anxieties, her fears but the most important the love that they have for each other, i hope they find out soon how much they love

    21. as always another excellent chapter from my fav writer. and yeah — what’s wrong with being boring ? did you know that thyey picked the actor who plays Henry just because he looked so boring ? thanks for the ” thing” by the way – i will try not to ask you again – chat soon xxx

    22. Wow Jo… Just wow… The way you describe emotions, they are palpable in the air, lingering inbetween me and the computerscreen… I can see, hear, feel, sense, every emotion you name with your magnificent words… Thanks for this little miracle, as every chapter of this story is

    23. Would it be too much of an understatement to say that I quite like this story? Anyway, just to let you know, for someone who’s supposed to be in retirement I managed to get over my first chapter nerves yesterday and rattled off about 2000 words of something completely different.

    25. Excellent ! Excellent ! Excellent ! Love this kind of drama ! How talented are you ?! Thank you for allowing us into your amazing world, Jo. You’re still the Golden Goddess of Fan fiction writing.

    28. There’s no question in my mind that Tina should just stay with her family tonight… call it wishful Tibette thinking, but that’s just the way I see it. Always brilliant, mate. Heart-breaking and oh so beautiful.

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