LesFan

Lesbian Fan Social Network

    Fan Fiction

    This story has been set to a rating of PG-13. Age verification is required to proceed.

    Age Verification

    I am years of age as of today, November 12, 2026

    Enter your current age into the field provide above. Stories with a rating of R or NC-17 may contain material not suitable for children. LesFan requires that all individuals wishing to read these stories confirm they are of at least 17 years of age. LesFan uses the MPAA rating labeling system for all stories.

    LesFan will also make a best attempt to filter profane words in stories that are not rated R or NC-17 unless the individual confirms they are of at least 17 years of age.

    LesFan uses the following rating scale for stories.






    Submit

    Hindsight – Chapter 19

    Story written on January 25, 2007 by Jobadge.
     Login to add story to favorites
     Login to add author to favorites
    1 vote, average: 5.00 out of 51 vote, average: 5.00 out of 51 vote, average: 5.00 out of 51 vote, average: 5.00 out of 51 vote, average: 5.00 out of 5 (1 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)
    You need to be a registered member to rate this post.     Loading ... Loading ...
    Genre(s):
    Rating:
    fanfiction(s):
    Character(s): ,
    Number of Comments: 34
    Words: 2559
    Story Shortlink: https://lesfan.com/?p=64199
    Author Notes:

    Bette Porter: My heart was telling me so many things…

     

    I spoke then, giving an ironic laugh as I voiced the things that were swirling around my mind, the painful thoughts of what had been, me and her, me and my family…  “I wanted something to remind me of what I had lost…”

     

    I looked back up at her as I felt my eyes well, the sudden emptiness of those last seven weeks hitting me once again, I had begun to feel the void in my life filling after waking up to find Angelica back in my life this morning, but her words of how she had looked at those pictures brought the feeling back.

     

    I saw the depth of her look, it was a combination of shock and hurt at my reply to her, I didn’t mean to use words to hurt her, I would never hurt her, didn’t she know that, but I couldn’t help the sting that came with the words… I really didn’t think she had any idea how I had been feeling, how her walking out with my daughter had made me feel… I had lost my life…

     

    “You haven’t lost…” she began to say, but I shook my head as her sentence floated in the air between us.

     

    “Yes… I have…”

     

    “But…”

     

    I looked at her, really looked deep into her eyes, trying to make her understand how it felt to feel that loss inside, that you had no power, no control over whether you see your own daughter again, no control over how your heart would only beat for one person and that person was gone…

     

    I attempted to get the words out as my mouth became dry,  “I lost you both… but… if your promise is something I can believe in… then I still… have Angelica… at least I… still have her…”

     

    “You haven’t lost me…”

     

    “Yes… I have… lost you…” my words choked out as the tears spilled over, I couldn’t stand this intensity at voicing the words that tore me apart, that tore every shred of feeling from my body.

     

    “I… don’t want… to be lost to you…” she whimpered.

     

    I just stood looking at her, the words floating between us, I couldn’t grasp what she was saying, ‘don’t want… don’t want to be lost… to be lost… lost’, the words were trying to penetrate my mind, trying to understand what she meant by the words, what did she want from me…, she walked out of my life seven weeks ago for her ‘new life’ and now she is telling me she didn’t want to be lost to me…

    Page 2 of 41234
    «
    FF Main Page
    »

    Comments

    3. I’m with curious!!these one pagers will be the death of me, I love the slow burn as much as the next girl but this one is turning into a blaze that no amount of aloe vera is going to help!!lol. Jo, we beg of you, end the suffering!!

    5. you are incredible! i absolutely adore your way of writing… it touches my heart every single time i read your story… especialy this one… keep up the marvelous work you’re doing… post soon :)

    8. I am so stressing here. Bette let Tina talk, we need to know what she wants to tell you before your talking makes her change what she was going to tell her. Remember she brought bags with her. Come on Please!!!!!

    10. omfg, this is just, just too excriciatingly painful…tell her Tina, tell her u’ve been a rat’s arse determined to make her feel as downright rotten as she made u feel over Candace BUT now u’ve had your revenge, it don’t taste so sweet when u see your one true love so completely dissassembled and dying….ffsake tell her…b4 I strangle the last breath out of U…LMAO…sorreeeee but !!!!!!!!PPS I must luv being tortured by u.

    11. “Are you happy Tina…?” … You know, I’m quite certain that Tina’s never actually asked herself that question since she left Bette. Well now would be a good time… an excellent time, in fact!… As I’m sure the answer would probably lead her to answer Bette’s other question, which in other terms means: Was it worth sacrifying your forever true love? In the name of what?… Normality? Security? Predictability?… Hindsight, Tina… now would be an excellent time to have a little taste of it…

    14. Hey. Its going to get tough from now. How does one answer that question? If Tina says that it was not worth it then it could end up with Bette getting even more upset and angry as it might indicate that Tina hadnt thought it through when she acted on her feelings but it was just an impulse and that too for nothing but more pain in return and at the cost of breaking up their family :( Now if Tina says yes then it would mean that she is happy with what she chose, that is her so called “new life”, which will still be painful for Bette to know as now it would confirm that Bette has truly lost her :( Tina is in a difficult situation and everything depends on how tactfully and sensitively she handles this situation while at the same time abiding by Truth. Thank you for this thought provoking story :) As u can tell I an very eager to know Tina’s response :) Please post soon :D

    15. Half way through I kept telling myself that I had to stop reading this, it was just to painful. You are a magnificant writer and of course, I couldn’t just stop reading. So I continued and painfully, panifully, enjoyed it very much. Yet, I don’t know how much more my poor heart can take. In the word’s of Mary J. Blige, which I happen to be listening to while reading this, “No More Drama.” Can you please, please write a “Situations” just to give us a break. I truly love your writing, but can you just throw in one non-painful story. Thanks!!!!

    16. Tina is gonna say “I don’t know” that’s the safe answer. Jo I was hoping for maybe a 10 pager…I was robbed of 9 pages…but damn if you didn’t pack alot of emotion into that one page…awesome as usual.

    18. I don’t think that Tina is happy or she would not be in the state that she is. I know that she cares about Bette but to touch her and feel her pain tells me that there is more going on inside of her. Bette has no clue that Tina has been reminding Angelica of her other mother or that she sings Bette’s favorite song that she sang to Angelica as a reminder of Bette. There is some buried feelings on both part. I hope that by Bette opening up some that Tina will allow her wall to crumble and work her way back to her true love.

    23. As usual, so sad and painful. I think Tina knows what she wants, and one of them has to do SOMETHING, and I don’t think it’s going to be Bette, so… Tina should just take her and kiss her and… make it better. Too easy of an answer? Yeah, I thought so too…

    24. Wow Jo… Powerfull words, REAL communication, you make that connection we see on the screen between them, between those hazel and chocolatbrown eyes, you make that connection palpable… Amazing as always, my friend ;)

    27. this was so painful and sad, because beside all the pain that Tina have been inflected on Bette it wasn’t worthy because Tina is not happy wiht her new life

    28. With every chapter of this..i try to see the positive…some tiny light at the end of the tunnel…its always been very sad..but i have to believe that Tina is there for a reason…other than Angelica…and i still believe that!…great writing..

    31. OK Jo, We need more. The slow burn is great but my heart can not take much more. Please just let Tina tell Bette she wants her back. Great Chapter Thank you PPS

    Leave a Reply