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    Hindsight – Chapter 19

    Story written on January 25, 2007 by Jobadge.
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    1 vote, average: 5.00 out of 51 vote, average: 5.00 out of 51 vote, average: 5.00 out of 51 vote, average: 5.00 out of 51 vote, average: 5.00 out of 5 (1 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)
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    Number of Comments: 34
    Words: 2559
    Story Shortlink: https://lesfan.com/?p=64199
    Author Notes:

    Bette Porter: My heart was telling me so many things…

     

    I closed my eyes, my head was pounding…, her words were making my head hurt, my chest to constrict, my mouth to become dry, I tried to formulate some kind of reply to her words…

     

    “Bette…” she said in the merest whisper.

     

    I looked up, there was the slow descent of tears falling down her cheeks, I needed to understand, not only the meaning behind her words, but how I would see what those words meant to me…, she’d left me…, she had told me she had been having feelings for men…, and she left me…, she had left me for Henry…

     

    But what did it mean to me, to hear the words she had just uttered, she ‘didn’t want to be lost to me…’, did that mean she had regretted the decisions she had made…, did it mean she wanted to be a part of my life again…, did it mean she wanted us to be friends…, did she mean she just wanted for us to exist in the world as parents to Angelica…?

     

    I felt physically sick at all the possibilities of the interpretation of those words, my heart was telling me so many things, but what little vestige of heart I had left…, that muscle in my chest that used to be so full of love and feeling, that muscle that only now served its basic function to pump blood around my body…, it was numb from the pain it had gone through, I couldn’t risk allowing my heart to believe some of those possibilities…

     

    It was the interpretations that were coursing through my mind that I had to take notice of, not the ones in my heart, the black and white of the situation, not all the grey areas that caused the confusion, and the… hope…  I wouldn’t be able to deal with the consequences of hope, I had been hoping for the last seven weeks, and hope hadn’t gotten me anywhere, the only thing that had brought them back here was coincidence…

     

    The coincidence that we were at the same grocery store yesterday… I had seen the look on Tina’s face when she looked at Henry, she wasn’t sad or broken or lonely, she looked… I don’t think ‘happy’ would be the right word, nor would ‘content’, but she didn’t look lost…

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    Comments

    3. I’m with curious!!these one pagers will be the death of me, I love the slow burn as much as the next girl but this one is turning into a blaze that no amount of aloe vera is going to help!!lol. Jo, we beg of you, end the suffering!!

    5. you are incredible! i absolutely adore your way of writing… it touches my heart every single time i read your story… especialy this one… keep up the marvelous work you’re doing… post soon :)

    8. I am so stressing here. Bette let Tina talk, we need to know what she wants to tell you before your talking makes her change what she was going to tell her. Remember she brought bags with her. Come on Please!!!!!

    10. omfg, this is just, just too excriciatingly painful…tell her Tina, tell her u’ve been a rat’s arse determined to make her feel as downright rotten as she made u feel over Candace BUT now u’ve had your revenge, it don’t taste so sweet when u see your one true love so completely dissassembled and dying….ffsake tell her…b4 I strangle the last breath out of U…LMAO…sorreeeee but !!!!!!!!PPS I must luv being tortured by u.

    11. “Are you happy Tina…?” … You know, I’m quite certain that Tina’s never actually asked herself that question since she left Bette. Well now would be a good time… an excellent time, in fact!… As I’m sure the answer would probably lead her to answer Bette’s other question, which in other terms means: Was it worth sacrifying your forever true love? In the name of what?… Normality? Security? Predictability?… Hindsight, Tina… now would be an excellent time to have a little taste of it…

    14. Hey. Its going to get tough from now. How does one answer that question? If Tina says that it was not worth it then it could end up with Bette getting even more upset and angry as it might indicate that Tina hadnt thought it through when she acted on her feelings but it was just an impulse and that too for nothing but more pain in return and at the cost of breaking up their family :( Now if Tina says yes then it would mean that she is happy with what she chose, that is her so called “new life”, which will still be painful for Bette to know as now it would confirm that Bette has truly lost her :( Tina is in a difficult situation and everything depends on how tactfully and sensitively she handles this situation while at the same time abiding by Truth. Thank you for this thought provoking story :) As u can tell I an very eager to know Tina’s response :) Please post soon :D

    15. Half way through I kept telling myself that I had to stop reading this, it was just to painful. You are a magnificant writer and of course, I couldn’t just stop reading. So I continued and painfully, panifully, enjoyed it very much. Yet, I don’t know how much more my poor heart can take. In the word’s of Mary J. Blige, which I happen to be listening to while reading this, “No More Drama.” Can you please, please write a “Situations” just to give us a break. I truly love your writing, but can you just throw in one non-painful story. Thanks!!!!

    16. Tina is gonna say “I don’t know” that’s the safe answer. Jo I was hoping for maybe a 10 pager…I was robbed of 9 pages…but damn if you didn’t pack alot of emotion into that one page…awesome as usual.

    18. I don’t think that Tina is happy or she would not be in the state that she is. I know that she cares about Bette but to touch her and feel her pain tells me that there is more going on inside of her. Bette has no clue that Tina has been reminding Angelica of her other mother or that she sings Bette’s favorite song that she sang to Angelica as a reminder of Bette. There is some buried feelings on both part. I hope that by Bette opening up some that Tina will allow her wall to crumble and work her way back to her true love.

    23. As usual, so sad and painful. I think Tina knows what she wants, and one of them has to do SOMETHING, and I don’t think it’s going to be Bette, so… Tina should just take her and kiss her and… make it better. Too easy of an answer? Yeah, I thought so too…

    24. Wow Jo… Powerfull words, REAL communication, you make that connection we see on the screen between them, between those hazel and chocolatbrown eyes, you make that connection palpable… Amazing as always, my friend ;)

    27. this was so painful and sad, because beside all the pain that Tina have been inflected on Bette it wasn’t worthy because Tina is not happy wiht her new life

    28. With every chapter of this..i try to see the positive…some tiny light at the end of the tunnel…its always been very sad..but i have to believe that Tina is there for a reason…other than Angelica…and i still believe that!…great writing..

    31. OK Jo, We need more. The slow burn is great but my heart can not take much more. Please just let Tina tell Bette she wants her back. Great Chapter Thank you PPS

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