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    I Will Not Let You Fall

    Surrounded by the quiet walls of her new, almost-furnished office, Bette sat slumped in her leather executive chair with her feet propped up on the desk as she stared into nothingness, her angular face somber and her dark gaze morose and out of focus.

     

    In a matter of a few hours Bette’s condition had managed to reduce from an inconsolable sobbing mess to a black abyss of apathy. She had cried, and cried, and cried, with absolutely no relief coming. It had felt as though she had a big gaping hole where her heart was supposed to be, a hole that was filled with such terrible sorrow, a deep and aching pain that Bette had felt like she was drowning. The waves of grief had kept striking her incessantly, sucking the life out of her. The worst part had been when after those agonizing waves, everything had suddenly stopped, just moments before Bette had drowned. The water was calm, no more agonizing waves, no more drowning, but she felt nothing. Emptiness, complete numbness.

     

    The only thing Bette wished at this point was that she could turn back time, and undo what she had done, and unsay what she had said – all the hurtful words that should have never left her mouth. She wished there was something she could have said to Tina that would have changed her mind about leaving. But what more words could have made an impact other than ”I love you, Tina” and ”I can’t live without you, Tina”? Then it suddenly dawned on Bette that perhaps a few more ”I’m really sorry I cheated on you with your sister” and ”I want to become a better person for you” could have changed Tina’s mind into a more positive outcome. Perhaps, Tina had really needed Bette to grovel and beg until Bette appeared remorseful enough in Tina’s eyes. Because she WAS remorseful, very much so.

     

    Or maybe Tina just didn’t need Bette, and there was nothing Bette could have said or done to change that.

     

    ”Love is not enough anymore…”

     

    Tina’s words echoed through Bette’s head in painfully hypnotic repetition, as if Tina screamed them down an open, empty tunnel.

     

    Bette felt so stupid, having always thought that love was enough. She had thought their love for each other was strong enough to make it through the storm. Turned out she had been wrong.

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    Comments

    1. So very happy to read this. This was a great chapter. You had me going there at the beginning. By design I am sure. I am obviously so glad Tina is staying. And that they are going to therapy. And that the elephant in the room is totally out there. I doubt Tina can ever entirely forget what happened but is well on her way to forgiving and she loves Bette so much. And Bette? What a range of emotions. Glad she finally went home. Oh how she loves Tina. Is love enough? ”I refuse to give up. I want us to work on our issues. We’ve been through hell and back several times and I think we deserve to be happy at last. We have to stop hurting each other, we can’t repeat the same patterns over and over and over again. I’m so tired of pain and I don’t want to cause you any more of it, too. I want us to get past all of this and just be together, become better together, heal each other, protect each other, love each other.” Healing the pain. Together. So well written.

      I could not help but think about another version of Bette and Tina as I read along. One in the news right now so to speak. I especially liked: “I guess what keeps me with Bette is our special connection. I’ve never felt it with anyone else. It’s really so special to me. Sometimes I think we can’t get any closer than we already are. I feel Bette is my soulmate. I mean, our relationship is very far from perfect, on the contrary, it’s very flawed. There were times when it was unbearable. We’ve come so far, and we’ve gone through so much… But we’re still together, which tells me something. Like, we’re meant to be. At least, I want to believe we are.” Of course, you are. And Bette, our dear flawed Bette is a definite work in progress. She may always make mistakes. But she wants to be better. She wants to be the person Tina deserves. And another passage, Tina as the runner: “She’s always running,” Bette spoke up right away, looking at Dan with frustration. ”All the fucking time. Whenever we have a fight or something bad happens or I say something that doesn’t sit right with her, she can’t deal with it. She runs.” And Tina recognizes this. And she didn’t run. You really struck a chord with these descriptions. Pretty accurate. With Dan’s help they have an excellent chance. The garden is a symbol of life and tending the garden a symbol of the rebirth of their relationship.

      Thank you for returning with this story. You have been missed!

    2. Thank you so much for returning to this story and for a great chapter. Was worried when I saw the Summary but glad that she came home to Bette.

      They are really flawed characters this Bette and Tina but the Story has been an interesting one.

      Look forward to more, meanwhile stay safe.

    3. Thank you so much for this update. I have been thinking about several of the stories on this website which have just taken a very long hiatus in update.

      Thankyou for not allowing Tina to get on that plane. There is clearly hope that Bette and Tina can have a happy future together. Although not perfect and many problems still exist, they are not beyond redemption. Their love for each other is so clearly obvious in your writing….

      I want to make a comment about forgiveness…… Forgiveness benefits the person who does the forgiving. Forgiveness allows a person to move on. It removes the stumbling block which prevents one from doing what they desire to do or to be who they want to be. Both Bette and Tina could use a little forgiveness – for the other and for themselves.

      Thank you once again for this chapter. I really wanted to know what happened and now we do. Hopefully you can post again soon. I would presume this story is drawing to a close….I have really enjoyed it so very much.

      Thanks for

    4. Hi Valerie:

      Great, really great story; I missed this and “Theatre of the Absurd” the other story you wrote and still didn’t finish.

      I understand very well, time is scarce, and life is busy, but I really would like you to keep posting.

      Bette and Tina have grown a lot since the first days of their relationship.

      Circumstances are also different, but it has been hard growing for our wonderful couple.

      Kate is still jealous of Bette, and she would never see her through Tina’s eyes; I think she is in love with Tina, and I believe Bette knows.

      Though there are a few corpses under the rug, I hope they would undercome all their issues and make a life together raising a family.

      Great job, Valerie; I’ll be waiting eagerly for your next post.

      Take care.

      P

    5. Hey Valerie,

      It was such a pleasure to see a update from you! First thing i saw when i awoke!

      So happy that Tina returned home to Bette and that they work through their (trust) issues as a couple in therapy.

      I wholeheartedly agree with the comments of the others.

      I hope you are able to update a little bit sooner the next time.

      Thank you so much for this chapter, it gave me hope!

    6. So, it was great chapter.

      Yeah, i think they both still need to talk with Dan about their past and future, but i think they could do it.

      Still not sure about Kate – is she just good friend to Tina and concern about her, or she has a crush on her and jealous about Bette. Or maybe i just don’t like her character from TLW :)

      So, thank you again and waiting for the next!

    7. Ok saw this in my email bc you and this story are on my favs list and had to come see that you indeed did post… happy dance thank you. I’m going in to work it’s 5:30am but I will read some today. Then I’ll come back and comment but thank you in advance I already know it will be a great read.

    8. Mmm ok I finished late tonight, and as I thought it would be, beautiful. You have such deep thoughts and so detailed I can feel their emotions glad we finally got that reconnect. Although I feel something will happen involving Kate she has an unhealthy relationship with Tina and I feel Tina knows there is a connection that Kate has with her but chooses to ignore it until it comes to a head. But we shall see.
      I hope all is well with you and thank you for the chapter it was unexpected but as always welcomed.

    9. …And on the 54th chapter of this almost 7-year old saga, I finally glimpse a ray of hope for Bette and Tina. I’m glad Tina chose to stay and give Bette and their love another chance. If Tina boarded the plane, that would have been the end of their love story and this story for that matter. This couple has been through hell and back a few times already and I’m so relieved they both finally got tired of living in misery, decided to work on their relationship, be honest with each other though the truth might hurt and start processing their pain, doubts and fears. I’m sure it’s not going to be easy and it will take time and much effort but at least they are finally together (again!), on the same page, on the same road to recovery.

      I also hope that their happy moments will not be short lived this time around. I noticed that each time they reconcile and reestablish their deep soul connection in the past, something terrible happens which prompts Tina to run away and drive Bette to despair. I really hope they’ve already hit rock bottom and are finally on their way to an honest, stable and healthy relationship.

      Thank you very much for writing this intense, at times dark and disturbing, deep and soulful saga and for posting this “ray-of-hope” chapter, Valerie! I appreciate your time and effort in telling this unique love story for almost seven years now. WOW! I hope you and your loved ones are all well. I also wish you’ll have ample inspiration and energy to continue this story and bring it to your desired destination. Please don’t leave us hanging! Thanks again and take care, Valerie! :)

    10. I’m so glad to see an update from you.

      Thank you for keep working on your story!!!

      this is one of my favorites, the one that always makes me coming to this site to see if there’s another new chapter. ^_^

    11. Every once in awhile I do a check in with the hopes of finding an update to this story, so imagine my extreme happiness when I found that to be the case! Dusting off my return to comment so bear with me.

      I can wholeheartedly say that you did not disappoint. I love that they’re having the difficult conversations and aren’t trying to spare each others feelings any longer. They feel what they feel, but they deal with it together. Even after such a monumental moment and knowing that the rough patches still need a little smoothing. I think that’s what I’ve loved the most about this story, that it isn’t such a fairytail in the way you would expect and it still feels true to who they are.

      A million thanks for continuing and I hope there’s still room for much more story to be told. It’s appreciated much more than you know.

    12. So glad to see you returning to this story, it is such an interesting and intense fic.

      I sincerely thought that Tina would take this plane and that once in New York she would change her mind and come back to Bette.

      I was pretty sure Tina would have a little trouble with her sister thing during the lovemaking, inevitable at this point, proves that they still have a lot of work to do with Dan. Additionally, Bette’s behavior in the face of danger has yet to be discussed.

      Thank you, looking forward to read more soon.

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