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If I Fall: Chapter 14
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"You know Alice, it sounds like Dana did love you but she wasn’t able to show you in the way you needed. And that may be why you acted out like you did."
"Yeah…and there I was thinking I could handle it. I thought because I knew her so well before she was my girlfriend that my brain could just tell my heart it wasn’t anything personal, it’s just how she is. But I couldn’t." Alice hung her head again looking simply dejected and Harriet recognized the hint of failure in her voice right away.
"Alice, that’s a perfectly rational line of thinking. Sometimes when such intense feelings are involved, our hearts don’t want to hear our what our brains have to say."
The writer let out a self-deprecating laugh. "Please doc, I completely know all about that."
"What do you mean?"
"Well, my brain knows I should just let my guard down with Jules and commit to her and let her love me like I know she will."
"Okay. And your heart?" the doctor inquired.
"My heart isn’t rational," Alice rejoined, shaking her head in shame.
"Meaning?"
"Meaning it still belongs to Dana." Alice looked Harriet square in the eyes as she revealed this declaration, and the doctor was pretty sure she noticed tears welling up in the brown eyes staring back at her.
"Do you think Jules is aware of that?"
"Ugh, I don’t know. It’s hard to say. Although, maybe it’s more obvious to everyone else then I think. It’s just that lately Dana and I have been spending more time together, and I can tell it’s starting to bother Jules.
"Do you think she has reason to be bothered by it?"
"What do you mean?" Alice asked.
"Do you think it’s just Jules being unnecessarily jealous, or does she see something more there between you and Dana?"
She considered the question for a moment before replying. "I’m not sure."
"Do you think there’s something more there?"
"It’s not that black and white, Doc."
"I see. Alice, would you consider spending less time with Dana so that there’s less tension in your current relationship with Jules?"
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Pfft I beat that Bradshaw hands down, I’m sure she copied me actually :P Anyway on to the reason for this comment, my god this gets better and better and I sincerely mean that! I like to read Lara’s point of view even though I’m nto a fan of her character but thats probably because the show didn’t explore her enough. Dana needs to sit down, breathe and seriously re-evaluate what she wants in life and more importantly, who. Alice should be honest with Jules if she’s not ready for commitment, it sounds like she’s stringing her along from fear and that’s pretty bad even though it’s coming from a good place. Shit I could ramble on and on but I will save you the pain and just say well done! PPS :)
Okay, I cried for like half this chapter, it’s that damn good. It’s like Shane said in Loud and Proud, when she told Alice that she could see Dana loves her…then asks her if she can’t see that. I think it’s always been obvious that Dana loves Alice beyond life, she just doesn’t know how to say it, and poor Alice somehow can’t see it for what it is and needs the words. Okay, so that’s my essay on Danish for the day. And yes, I heart Curb Your Enthusiasm. I was pretty sure that’s where you’d taken the sunglasses thing from, but I didn’t want to say anything in case I was wrong. I sense that you’ll be getting these two stubborn biatches together before too long, and I couldn’t be happier about it…just please have them communicate, k? Okay, I’m really done now, I swear. Love this more every time you update.
Even the fucking shrink knows that Dana loves Alice……greats chapter PPS
Great story and great update. You do a wonderful job of representing Alice and Dana, strengths and flaws alike.
Usually I completely relate to Dana as you write her, and explain her twisted motivations. :-) At the end of this update I completely related to Alice. Maybe that’s why I love this couple so much. I guess I should thank you for inadvertantly giving me the therapy I so obviously need. lol I’m glad the doctor was able to see how Dana feels about Alice. Alice can’t be objective about her interactions with Dana, nor can she trust her feelings for the athlete. As Alice was describing what eventually happens when she and Dana spend time together, it was pretty clear that Dana reacts that way because of her own feelings for Alice. Alice’s heart may suspsect that is the reason for Dana’s change, but her mind can’t allow her to set herself up for the heartache that will come. I’m so glad you had time to update. You are writing a wonderful story.
Loved this chapter, liked Lara’s point of view, and Harriet giving Alice some direction to whats going on with Dana. Thanks for an awsome post!!
that was great. I can’t wait to see what Alice does with this new info that Harriet gave her