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If I Fall: Chapter 19
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"I meant what I said before when I apologized to you and Jules. I am sorry for interrupting your night last night. It was selfish and I should have thought better of it."
"It’s fine Dana, don’t mention it."
"But I just want you to understand," she continued quickly, barely acknowledging Alice’s previous statement. "I am sorry for that. But not one part of me regrets the rest of it."
"What?" she asked in confusion.
"Kissing you, and telling you how I feel. I’m not sorry for any of that because it’s true. And I won’t apologize for finally being honest about being in love with you." Again Dana waited for some sort of response from Alice, but all the writer seemed to do was stand frozen in her place and stare at her. Not that Dana minded being so close in proximity to Alice, but she was anxious to hear her reaction. "Alice…did you hear what I just said?"
Suddenly she snapped out of it and shook her head lightly. "I have to go, excuse me," she countered, doing whatever she could to avoid eye contact.
"Wait, Al. Did you just hear what I said?"
"Yes Dana, I heard you," she snapped back, finally looking her square in the eye. "And what exactly do you expect me to say that that?"
"I…" Suddenly the burst of confidence she felt walking into the bathroom disappeared once Alice’s harsh tone prevailed. "I just want to know how you feel."
"I feel like if you don’t get out of my way I’m going to miss my girlfriend’s set. And God knows I’ve already let her down enough because of you."
To say it cut Dana to the bone would be an underestimation. Her words stung and the athlete wasn’t sure where to go from there. "Alice—"
"Dana, I can’t have this conversation with you right now."
"Well then when?"
"Not now, Dana," she warned. "You know, I don’t understand any of this. You say you want to be my friend, you say you miss that, so I begrudgingly trust you again in order to let that happen. But now that’s not enough for you, is it?" She shook her head in defeat and the tears in her eyes threatened to spill over. "I’m just never enough for you."
"Alice, of course you are. You’re more than enough," she insisted, grabbing the writers hands and taking them in her own. "You’re what I want, Alice. You’ve always been what I wanted. You…you’re everything to me." And suddenly the confidence she thought she lost came booming back and without thinking twice about it, Dana leaned in and kissed her. It was a soft, tentative kiss, not really developing into anything deeper for fear that it would end if Dana pushed farther. But she still reveled in the feeling and hoped that it would show Alice exactly what she felt for her.
"I can’t," Alice whispered after hastily pulling back. "We can’t. I’m sorry if you really mean what you’re saying right now. But all I can offer you is friendship, Dana. That’s all this ever should have been." She was determined and forceful in her delivery, almost to the point of being robotic.
"You can’t mean that…"
"For my own sanity, I have to."
"Alice, please, just give me a chance to show you how wrong you are."
"Dana, get out of my way." There was something in Alice’s eyes as she looked up at Dana that warned the athlete of the situation’s severity. She didn’t want to let Alice walk out of there right now, praying that if she just had a little more time alone with her that she could break down the wall she was so determined to keep up between them. But the veiled vulnerability in Alice’s eyes was breaking Dana’s heart and she knew that now was not the time to push the writer further. So reluctantly, she moved out the way and watched as Alice left the bathroom to watch her girlfriend’s set.
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Am I first? Awesome. This is absofuckinglutely awesome, although I think you’re crazy for posting it the day before you graduate. Huge congrats on that, and as to writing Danish fic professionally, I’d kill for a career like that. Then again, you’re much more eloquent than I am, so maybe I should just deal with the fact that I have a boring job. Oh well. I love, love, love this so freaking much, and as much as I want them back together I think it’s good for Alice to try and stop that, at least initially. Still, you can’t stay away from your other half too long, even if your rebound girl is a bad mother fucker. Have fun getting that JD thingie, and post when you can.
Wow – a fantastic update, great to have more Danish writers back on line – but understand your absence and would like to offer my congratulatons on uyour graduation. Look forward to the next installment soon providing you don’t celebrate too hard.
I totally love this story and habe been checking everyday to see if an update had been posted yet :(……PPS
holy that was great ooh man drama drama drama i feel sorry for dana though lol alice will come around rite.. but i think its good she isnt just giving in, dana needs this lol man i just love this story great work and i’ll forgive u for making me wait haha :) p.s good on ya for graduating!!
First, congratulations on your graduation. I’ve been down that same road myself and appreciate how much effort your achievement represents. Second, another great chapter–the dialogue sounds very real, and it’s heartbreaking watching Alice struggle with letting herself believe that Dana still loves her. As much as I’m rooting for Dana and Danish, I’m also pulling for the rebuilding of Alice’s self-esteem. I’m looking forward to seeing how and if Danish can work their way back to each other. Great story!
This has been a fantastic past few days for Danish readers,
I don’t know exactly how that was just posted… Anyway, it is so nice that you and the others have blessed us with updates.I feel Dana’s pain, but I’m definitely siding with Alice right now. Dana has some more work to do. Jules seems ready to make it more difficult for her.Congrats on your graduation!!!
Yay another update…the wait was definitely worth it! Your posts always brighten up my day. This is my favorite story by far. Not only is the storyline great but you stay true to the characters and their feelings so well. Please post again soon :)
Congrats! Very Awesome Accomplishment!This story is great, I love the angst…Dana has a lot mor work to do and so does Alice for herself…I feel bad for Jules…but A&D have a powerful connection, I beleive you said magnetic a couple chaps back! Keep It Coming!
Wow wow wow wow…. i have finally got caught up with this story and it didnt disapoint at all. One of the best danish fics i have ever read – actually the best – the feelings you stir in me when reading this is unbeliveable. You really have to post more asap…. CONGRATS on your graduation x