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If I Fall: Chapter 20
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Bette grinned at Dana, hoping to relay the understanding and empathy she felt. "You basically just summed up the past year of my life," she sighed. "After losing Tina, and then my father, and then my job…yeah, I know what it feels like to watch your life spin out of control."
"Oh God, I’m so sorry," Dana stuttered, a flash of mortification washing over her face. "My problems probably sound so trivial compared to yours!"
"Dana, it’s not a contest. Your problems are just as real as mine, whatever they are…so what is it?"
The athlete briefly looked down at the ground before meeting her friend’s concerned stare once more. "I really screwed things up, Bette."
"With what?"
"More like with who."
"You mean Lara?"
"Oh, I mean Lara, I mean Alice, take your pick."
"Wait, what happened with Alice?" She furrowed her brows in confusion.
"Nothing. And I’m finally starting to understand that she’d rather it remain that way indefinitely."
"You’ve lost me," the artist replied carefully.
"Okay, I’ll start from the beginning. I had real, live, actual love once. It was pretty incredible…but also pretty terrifying. It scared the shit out of me and I threw it away. I threw my best friend, my soul mate, my everything away because I was so afraid I’d do something to fuck it up and lose her anyway. And then once I burn that bridge, I delude myself into believing that I can find that kind of happiness again with someone else. That I can be happy without those feelings, without the tingles I got every time she’d touch me, or smile at me, or make me feel like I was the only one in the entire universe who could make her happy. And I convince myself that I’ll be fine without waking up everyday next to Alice and feeling like we’re the only two people on the entire planet that get what love is. Cause we had it Bette. It wasn’t perfect, and it didn’t last very long…but I know now that it was real. And yet I threw it away because I was naïve and stupid and I thought that there was something easier and less scary out there. And you know there was. It just turns out that I don’t really want easy or less scary. I just want Alice."
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As promised, I have returned, so huzzah or some other such thing. To start with, I must have skipped over your disclaimer this morning…I read it and didn’t stop laughing for a good five minutes. Thinking about it now is making me giggle again. I’m glad I don’t have any roommates, or I’d be off to the loony bin for sure. As for the story…well, I hope you’re being serious about the angst letting up soon. Sure, I can be a drama whore in my story, but it’s usually only for a chapter or two. Alice needs to get over herself. I mean, yeah, protecting yourself is all well and good, but you only get so far in life by observing it going on around you. And Dana needs to prove herself with more than just words. (Sidenote…when they finally do reconcile, can it be on a tennis court? The tennis dresses make me drool). And I’ll be glad to take Jules off Al’s hands when she goes back to the love of her life. Oh, and I’m glad somebody agrees with me on the Mariah thing. The very idea makes me cringe, but I have a friend who swears up and down that she’s actually pretty good. Whatev. Okay, now that I’ve babbled your life away, I’ll leave this with a plea for you to post again soon. I still heart this story even though it makes me want to tear out my hair.
forget what muted said about the angst! we LOVE the angst… how can we have steamy, tension filled bathroom moments without angst? don’t hurry it- they’ve only just now started admitting the problem- that ought to be good for at least a few more chapters! : ) loved the scene with Bette too–“The unfamiliar feeling of optimism was a welcome change, and it was as if Bette’s words lifted up a bit of the burden she’d be carrying around lately.” very nice Swis. Post soon.
oh how i’ve waited for you, checking each day to see if you’ve posted and today my lord wat did i see your name…soo worth the wait wat a sad ending tho i love this story great work!!!!!
Nice Update, filled without alot of Danish angst, but we know what happens after Danish angst….Danish Lovin’
If I didn’t know how much you loved danish too, I’d be worried. :-) I must ask that you make us suffer at least a little while longer, but please throw us a bone once in a while. :-)
i love the angst. keep it coming. but i do see the light at the end of the tunnel.
Please update this story there are not enough dana and alice storys out there…… the story is great
am i first?? i’m never first for anything! anyway, i have to say this was a great chapter! i feel so bad for dana but she put herself in this position. can’t wait to see what happens next. post soon!
Okay, I need to rush to my dead end job so I just skimmed this over, but it looks more than good. I’ll read it when I get home tonight and leave a much better, or at least more well-thought-out, comment then. Yay, you posted right after me! We rule.
Yippee! Fresh Danish! Great chapter swismiss. I am looking forward to how the story continues to unfold…
So glad to see you updating this story. Feeling sorry for Dana but, yeah, she put herself in this position. Your writing is wonderfully easy to read and the whole story seems to flow so well – lovin’ it!
haha, way to call me out, cape! Nah, the angst is good. I do heart the tension, as long as it leads to good things. You’ve already promised it will, so carry on. :P
Oh I fvuking love this story :) it has been a long time since you posted but I’m sure we all remember the story as I do. Keep posting and post soon thx chick xx
wow. glad you’re back posting again :)
where u at swissmiss i miss you and this story so so much. u kno ur my favourite please come back soon :)