Fan Fiction
This story has been set to a rating of R. Age verification is required to proceed.
If I Fall: Chapter 5
Login to add story to favorites
(38 votes, average: 3.92 out of 5)You need to be a registered member to rate this post.
Loading ...
After all, it had been 6 whole months since Dana walked out on her…6 of the longest, hardest months of the writer’s life. And yet in a way, they seemed like one big blur. The day after Dana had left, Alice figured that that was what hitting rock bottom felt like. But unfortunately, she seemed to hit rock bottom 3 or 4 more times after that. She didn’t realize that it was humanly possible to actually feel worse than she did the night of the breakup. But somehow, someway, Alice managed to keep getting worse. She’d wake up everyday hungover from the pills, or the booze, or a damning combination of both. On the good days she’d manage to roll out of bed and slowly start her day. On the bad days, it seemed she’d spend half the morning deciding if she’d be able to get out of bed at all.
But while the mornings were bad, the long nights tossing and turning alone were even worse. She’d start reminiscing about Dana and the relationship, which led her to wonder what the athlete was doing at that exact moment. And then of course she’d remember that Dana and Lara were now officially dating…and this made her unable to stop the uncontrollable tears that would surely follow. She’d end up crying herself to sleep, and wake up crying just the same. And the worst part was that she had absolutely no fucking idea how to stop. She never lacked such basic control over her emotions before, and even if she had, she’d normally have her best friend banging down her door, pulling her out of bed to rejoin the living. But now, that best friend was the reason she was such a mess in the first place. Which made matters worse for Alice because she was having a hard time determining if it was her best friend that she needed, or the girlfriend she was still hopelessly in love with. Either way, it seemed like one shitty day just ran right into the next, without any relief or respite from the vicious cycle of depression and despair that had become her life.
True she had her friends to help her out along the way, but it seemed that this time things were different. Shane was in the honeymoon phase of her relationship with Carmen, and Alice couldn’t help but notice that her incessant ramblings about heartbreak and how true love doesn’t really exist was putting a damper on the couple. And Alice quickly realized that Shane’s reasons for calling her less and less had more and more to do with Alice’s cynicism and disbelief in love. She knew Shane wanted to be there for her, but Alice knew she wasn’t making it easy. And that sucked because she really needed her closest friend to be with her right now. But she also couldn’t blame someone like Shane, who had shunned love her entire life, for wanting to stay away from a down-with-love Alice now that she had finally found something real.
Comments
Leave a Reply
You must be logged in to post a comment.
This story just keeps getting better and better, I was so unbelieveably excited to see all my fav authors posting in the past couple of days and not one of you guys has been a disappointment. This story is just simply amazing and you portray Alice so well, I kinda feel what we didn’t see in the show is shown in this fanfic which is comforting :) I love where you’re taking this as tragic and heartbreaking as it is, it’s also f*cking brilliant. Can’t wait for the next chap. xx
whoa! could actually feel the burn of Alice’s last words. that was an awsome chapter, looking forward to your next!!
Ouch. This is painful to read, but it’s so well done that it’s worth it. This thing just keeps getting better, and it’s so much more realistic than what we were allowed to see. It’s good to see that Alice recognized Bette’s condescending attitude, it always bugged the crap out of me. Anyway, I hope some sort of resoultion will happen soon.
I see what you mean about them barely being friends. I was thinking the same thing as Muted – “ouch”, but I must truly be evil because as much as Dana may have needed to break up with Alice – the way she did it was really crappy – and I wasn’t exactly feeling sorry for her. Alice definitely needs to get herself together, and ultimately only hurts herself by holding a grudge against Dana, but I loved her parting comment. Bette is definitely an unforgiving pain in the neck, but hey – we need all kinds to make the world go ’round. I was surprised that you made the time to update because I know you must be super busy. Maybe you’ll be able to sneak a few more updates as class assignments… Well, it was worth a try. :-)This story does keep getting better and better.
I know its cruel to laugh at someone else’s misfortune but this is very funny and very sad…PPS
Six months is a long time to avoid someone. There’d have to be an undercurrent of tension that made it hard on everyone, not just Alice and Dana. As for them “choosing” Dana, it’s maybe just that Dana’s appearing to be a bit more “in control” since the breakup. Bette and Al… well, Alice wasn’t that tolerant of Bette’s “weakness” when she cheated on Tina, so I guess Bette’s being intolerant of Alice’s. Being pally with Helena probably isn’t helping matters. They obviously still care about each other or they couldn’t hurt one another. Those two (B & Al) need to talk. And all the above notwithstanding, six months *is* a long time for the group to have to choose to spend time with either one (Al) or the other (Dana). It’d be draining. See? Your post made me think. Keep ’em coming, I’m really into this story.
God! I thought that watching the break up and awkwardness between Danish was bad, but you write so damn crystal clear and perfect that I think this is harder to handle! Please update again soon, seeing as how I fucking love this story! And by the way, I still have one more chapter to my Danish story. Maybe if you update again soon, I could work out an update from me! ;-)