We live life rallying on superstition because we know we don’t have all the answers. We can’t fix everything… So we have to believe in something else… something, someone with a higher power who can do things… extraordinary things… everything… Life is a total mystery… life works in mysterious ways.

Sometimes the whole world feels upside down.

We don’t like to believe miracles exist… but they do. Things happen… things we cant explain… we cant control them, but they do happen. Every day…

“You had a dream about the both of them… a treason? Nice… just when I think you’re boring you rice.”

“Bloody hell Alice, shut up! I didn’t say that… we were in bed but we were not having sex…”

“Right…” we all laugh at the frustrated Helena. We’ve been here for 4 hours waiting to see Shane. She’s stable, Izzy said… but we do need a new heart soon. I get up to go out side and Jenny grabs my hand

“Where are you going?”

“outside for a smoke” everyone looks at me “Yeah I’m a smoker now..”

“Can I come with you?” Jenny asked

“Yea, sure” we go down the elevator in silence… we haven’t talk in ages and ever since I’m back she haven’t said a word to me. We sit out side on the side of the street. I take my smokes and she asks for one. I give her one and we light it… and let the burning feeling in…

“You know… after the wedding… I hated Shane for like… a month… I though she was stupid and a bitch… the worst human being alive”

“Don’t worry, nothing compares to what I though of her”

“Holding you in my arms while you cried your eyes out… that’s all I though of” Jenny says that looking at me “When I finally talked to her, I slapped her and we got in a huge fight… she was angry I took away all your stuff and returned them to you… after like a month when she was home at nights, which wasn’t common because she always slept somewhere else… but when she did, I remember I couldn’t sleep… everything I heard was crying… not that loud but I could here it anyways… one day I went in and what I saw… was far more worst than what I saw in your eyes that night… what I saw was destruction in Shane eyes… what I saw, I can only explain it as a 5 year old kid who saw her parents die in front of her… that’s how she looked… she was looking at a picture of you guys… I-I couldn’t hold my tears and when she realized I was there…. She said… ‘I wanna die’… look I don’t want to tell you that all this things about how she was sorry…. Because you know that… you know Shane… and you know Shane loves you… she told you that so I don’t need to tell you a sad story….” Tears started falling out of her eyes… “ I don’t need to… but I am… because… because Shane may not have much time… and-and… I just want her to be happy” she said now bursting in to tears and tears falling from mine as well. We hugged. “Carmen… I’m sorry…. I know you have someone but I have to try ok?… I’m sorry I’m being hard on you telling you all this… I really am… is just… Shane’s my best friend…. I love her… and… and life is not worth living for her if she doesn’t have you… and personally… Shane without you is not Shane… without you she’s a ghost… a ghost who can’t let go.”