“I was thinking about it last night and I realise there are huge parts of my life that I have never shared with you or visa versa “
“I know “
Tina realised with a start that this was Bette’s Achilles heel – she was not comfortable with discussing her past and like Tina’s battle with her mother thinking she was not good enough it was one that was going to have to be faced if their relationship was going to be long lasting.
“Why does it scare you ?” Tina asked
“If you give enough of yourself away you become vulnerable to being hurt. Helena and Peggy are protective of me because I have been really badly hurt in the past and they know how hard it is for me to let anyone into my life again. There’s been no one for a long time and even then it was a disaster because I couldn’t or wouldn’t talk about my feelings. In the end she got sick of me being – quote – such an emotional cripple unquote and she dumped me. It was my own fault – I couldn’t show any weakness “
Tina’s mind immediately went to her ex Jane who had spent the entire period of their relationship claiming that all the failings in the relationship were firmly because of Tina’s flaws not her own. To hear Bette who was so utterly capable in every area was a shock and one that just reinforced to Tina how wonderful she was.
“Do you know that I just fell a little more in love with you “
“Why ?”
“Because it took so much for you to even admit that “
Bette smiled and Tina kissed her
“Babe – I am not going to hurt you deliberately. There are going to be times when we do hurt one another but that is when we have to sit down and talk things through and make sure what happened isn’t repeated. You have said it yourself – we have something that is not only special its maybe a once in a life time thing. We love one another so much – this hadn’t happened to me in 26 years and you in 30. Well its happening now babe and we have to grab this or we will be both miserable. Promise me that you and I are going to be able to communicate “
Bette nodded “I don’t want to lose you “
“I am going nowhere Porter and neither are you. I don’t want to know all your secrets – tell me what you feel comfortable about telling me. I don’t believe that our relationship is going to be any better because you know about the crush I used to have on my personal trainer when I was 23 or that you secretly have the hots for James “
Bette burst out laughing “ My secret crush is revealed “
“I won’t tell him “
“Thanks “
Tina kissed Bette and they started walking again
“We have both got problems but I so admire the fact that you admitted it just then. I guess its true that everyone has problems “
“Yeah “
“I think that you have to see that you can trust me “
“I do “ Bette said quickly – Tina glanced across at her “I do trust you – I just have to get into the habit of us talking about things. I know that we talk about politics and music and movies but feelings seem to be something that we have both bypassed up to now “
“Look – there is no point in the two of us sitting down with the intention of having a deep and meaningful conversation but if it happens we have to just let it see where it goes “
“Okay – you might have to be patient with me “
“Like you have been with me and my hang-ups with my mom “
Bette smiled “Do you want to head back to the house – dinner is at 8 “
“Okay “
Bette took hold of Tina’s hand as they walked back along the sand. She was deep in thought
“Babe “
“Yeah “
“How do you feel about keeping our relationship secret for another three weeks ?”
“Why three weeks ?”
Bette looked at Tina and smiled
“Well – its my parents wedding anniversary in three weeks “
“Oh – nice “
“My mom likes to have a meal at home – I always want to take them to the best restaurant in town but he always gives in to mom who really steps up with her cooking. “
“Pity – it would have been fun to set them up for dinner at The Paramount “
Bette grinned “Ohh – wouldn’t that be fantastic – that would be so poetic “
“It would be fun – how are you thinking this might work ?”
“Mom will probably want to invite Emma and I think they might throw caution to the wind and invite you as well “
“What if they don’t ?”
“Mmmm – tricky — I will have to concoct something. “
“You could try and plot with my mother “
Bette thought for a few minutes
“Okay- how about this – I tell my parents that I am bringing my new girlfriend and mom is bound to want to invite your mom. So to balance the numbers I suggest to her that she brings someone. I should be able to force her to admit that she has a daughter “
Tina laughed “Cunning “
“This will require you to play the joint roles of Emma’s daughter and my new girlfriend “
Tina nodded “Tough “
“I think you might need some practice in being my girlfriend “
Tina stopped and removed her glasses and looked at Bette
“I promise you it’s the role I have wanted all my life and no one is going to play it as well as me now or in the future “