“They probably did mean something to you but that’s okay as well. As far as I am concerned that’s all in the past and it stays there. I am not going to get neurotic about all the models and actresses and sex symbols you have messed around with “
“None of them come close to how I feel about you “ Bette said “ I promise you – you are the only woman for me now and forever babe “

***
Is this love
Chapter 66
Bette had been out for a run as she always tried to do when she had a day off. It was only 8:00am she was looking forward to the day ahead. She had a few errands to run but she was looking forward to having a probably very liquid lunch with Tina, Peggy and Helena. Tina was due to meet Peggy and Helena at 1pm to sort out the details of her new part time role with the Peabody Foundation and afterwards Bette was joining them – as was her mother if she could get the afternoon off for a girls afternoon of champagne and gossiping.
Bette hadn’t expected to find Tina dressed and drinking coffee when she walked into the kitchen needing food and lots of fruit juice
“Did you miss me when you woke up ? “ Bette said smiling
“You woke me up when you couldn’t find your running socks “
“You had moved them “
“I would have no reason to move your running socks babe “ Tina replied smiling
“Well someone must have and it wasn’t me – ergo – it was you “
“Yes honey “ Tina said with a hint of sarcasm in her voice
“Anyway – you haven’t explained what you are doing up at 8am when you are not meeting Peggy until 1pm – the suit really is you by the way “
“I know – its nice to wear business suits again – I had forgotten what a kick I get from power dressing “
“Well you should do it more often because you look great – you have fantastic legs “
“Thanks “
“So why are you all dressed to kill at 8am ?”
“I am going to see my mother “
“I know you don’t really need a reason to see your own mother but isn’t it unusual on a work day – albeit a Friday “
“She won’t be at work today ”
Bette took the carton of pineapple juice from the fridge. She was about to drink it straight from the carton when she caught Tina’s eye and meekly she found a glass and drank it the proper way. Tina pretended that she hadn’t almost caught doing something which was one of her personal bête noirs.
“Today would have been my parents 28th anniversary “
“Damn – I didn’t know “
“I only realised yesterday – which is bad. Mom will have been dwelling on it for a week or so –maybe that’s why she was so tearful at the charity ball because she knew what was coming up”
“Do you think you can persuade her to come out with all of us after your interview ?”
Tina shrugged “I don’t know – I just want to see her and maybe we can talk or go for a walk or something . She won’t want to see anyone – I know her too well – she will be sitting looking at old pictures of mom and probably getting maudlin “
“I guess that’s one way of dealing with pain – she should treasure all the good things that came out of their relationship – like you “
Tina smiled and finished her coffee
“You are such a tonic – how was the run ?”
“Good – really good “
“What are you planning for this morning ?”
“A few chores – might shop for some new running shoes – that may take an hour at least. I have had a suit in the dry cleaners for two months – if I don’t pick it up they will sell it. Do you want to meet up for a coffee before your meeting ?”
“Not sure – it depends on my mother – she might be in the mood to talk but on the other hand she might want to be left alone to get upset. I don’t really want that – she does need someone to sit with her for a few hours and maybe just listen to whatever she wants to say”
Bette nodded “Its good of you “
“I realised after the other night that I miss being close to her. I was so wrapped up in my own pain that I didn’t try and help her. We should have been there to get one another through what happened. But we both retreated into our own worlds of hurt and that meant shutting the other one out. Now that so much good is happening for me I feel that I should try and make good things happen for her – she deserves some fun and she is too young to be alone forever “
“You are going to collude with Peggy and my mother to get her a date aren’t you ?”
“I think its what she needs. I know that being with you – having someone who has a different perspective on life and on everything has been so good for me. Thank you Bette “
“We are getting on really well and I love you “
“I know you love me – and I love you as well –very much . It would be fantastic if my mother found someone “
“And you would be alright with that ? seeing her with someone who isn’t your other mom ?”
Tina lent against the kitchen unit and sighed “I have thought about it and it would be strange and maybe at first I really wouldn’t want to think about it but – she’s a good person. I know you and her have got off to a bad start but she does have a wicked sense of humour and she can be staggeringly generous. She’s my mother Bette “
Bette nodded – she was less than fond of Emma Kennard but she knew that if she hoped to continue building what was the most significant relationship of her life with the blonde then she had to make an effort to forget the past and make a friend of her “ mother in law “
**
Tina picked up fresh croissants and coffee before heading to her mother’s luxury apartment. She rang the bell and waited for a few minutes before the door opened and her mother was standing there wearing light blue pyjamas and a black robe. There was no way she would be dressed like that at 9am in the morning on a work day if she was actually going in.
“Morning mother – do you have any orange juice because I have brought breakfast ?”
Not waiting for a reply Tina walked into the apartment and closed the door behind her. Emma followed her into the kitchen
“How did you know I would be here ?”
“Because I am your daughter “
“That’s a non answer “
Tina put the bag and coffee on the counter and looked at her mother
“You are not a lawyer 24/7 mom – you know why I am here and you know why I know that you I am here – now find some plates and see if you have any decent preserve “
Emma obeyed and in a few minutes they were sitting on the high stools at the breakfast bar. Tina had sat here on many mornings being made to eat breakfast by one or both of her mothers before she headed out to school. Tina sipped her coffee – now that was good and strong. Emma was buttering a croissant – she looked at Tina
“Its not that often that you look like that – its nice to see “
Tina nodded “Got an interview with Peggy at 1pm “
“Your part time job with her ?”
“Yes – I think it’s a formality but all the same I thought it was important to look the part. I don’t think I can out-power dress Helena but I know I have some good suits “
“You do – that one suits you “
“It does – Bette was very impressed this morning “
“How is Bette ?”
Tina looked at her mother “She’s fine – she was very upset when I told her what had happened the other night. People have been telling me that she has a temper – I didn’t really believe them but she was livid “
“You told her what I said ?”
“Yes – you said it yourself – you said some vile things about her. she was very angry but really she was hurt. She was wounded by you thinking that she was a player “
“She was “
“Its not a phrase that she accepts – that rather implies that she treated women badly. That’s not Bette “
Emma nodded “I misjudged her – I can see how much she loves you “
“And I love her just as much. I know that there is so much work still to be done but I think we have a real chance to make it work. Its great so far – I know what that you will say that we haven’t really hit a bad patch and when we do we are going to have to be able to communicate and listen to one another. but – so far it’s the best relationship I have had “
Emma smiled
“How did you know – you know that mom was the one for you ?”
Tina watched as her mother’s whole face seemed to light up at the thought of her partner.
“I think I always knew – she was in two of my classes at post grad law school. She was just lovely – shy but with the sweetest smile “
“And how did you not scare her off ?” Tina asked
“Normally I would have been there in a shot trying to find out if she liked girls as well – it wasn’t as easy as it is now you know. I saw her at a gay disco and that was when I knew “
“You didn’t make a move straight away ?”
“I do have some style – I knew that making a move straight away would have scared her off so I took my time and we became friends. I would walk around the library until I saw her and then I would pretend that I had just arrived and sit near her “
“You old smoothie “ Tina said grinning
“I wanted to get to know her and I didn’t want “ Emma sighed “I didn’t want my reputation to scare her away “
“How justified was this reputation ?” Tina asked “ What are we talking ?”
“I was not ashamed of who I was – I had come out at University because of the support and encouragement of Rosemary Porter – I had no intention of going back in the closet because I had changed schools. I guess as a consequence I didn’t have problems meeting other women “
Tina was silent – it was still a strange thing to get her head around. She concentrated on her croissant and for a few minutes they both ate in silence
“By the time we graduated we were a couple and I adored her – she was just so smart – quicker than me to grasp a concept at times. Boy that drove me crazy – all I wanted was to make her happy. I didn’t think I could be the person that I was when I was with her – for the first time in my life I wanted to protect someone and share every thing and be vulnerable to her. its sad to admit now but your mother was the first person I ever allowed myself to be vulnerable with – it scared me “
“And did she betray your trust ?”
“No –not once. We had arguments and I would go off the deep end more times than I care to remember – she put up with a lot. But at the end of the day she was the one for me. It takes someone special to know me as well as she did and love me all the same. That meant I would have done anything for her. I know I am not the easiest of people – I am sure you are thinking that you could quote chapter and verse as to how well you know I am no saint . I am self aware enough to know that and to appreciate anyone who puts up with me “
“You aren’t a monster “
“I have been acting like one where you and Bette are concerned “
“That doesn’t matter – you now see what a good person she is and you are going to give us a chance right ?”
“Yes I am “ Emma smiled “I have been vile and I am sorry and I will say sorry to Bette too “
“You and Bette will get on fine mom – she’s not aloof – really I swear that she isn’t – she is shy. If you give her a chance you will no regret it “
“She has certainly helped you – you look wonderful in that suit – so like Kate “
“How can I look like Kate when you are my biological mom ?”
“I don’t know – osmosis maybe but you have her smile and personality wise you are very like her “
“I shall take that as a compliment given what you have said about her “
Emma ate the rest of her croissant and stared into space for a few minutes
“We both miss her don’t we ?”
“I miss her every day – every hour sometimes. Everyone tells you that it gets easier – it doesn’t – it does get less hard but that’s not the same thing. There are huge chunks of the day that go by and I don’t think about her. I went for a walk in Central Park the other Sunday “ Emma saw the look on Tina’s face “Yes – I do have the odd craving for fresh air – anyway – I went for a walk and there was this woman walking towards me and she was really hot – long legs and great hair. For about five minutes I just drooled – then I looked at my ring and felt guilty “
“Mom “ Tina said “Its alright to desire other women – I hate to have to say this but it really was what she wanted. She knew that without her you would skip meals and take taxis to the 7/11 for a newspaper and never go out – she knew that you needed someone to “
“Make me less me ?” Emma suggested
Tina smiled “To stop you being so introspective and mournful. I was telling Bette this morning that you have a wicked sense of humour and that you are a incredibly generous person “
“And Bette didn’t believe you ?”
“Bette has only seen one side to you – the side that thinks she is a player and that she is out to hurt me. That’s why you and I Bette haven’t become friends yet “
“And she sees me as always putting you down “
“She knows now that its because you were trying to get me out of my state of mind where I was happy for the rest of the world to just get on and do whatever it wanted as long as it left me out”
“Yes – I think I have been in the same state of mind as you “
“So let Rosemary and Peggy fix you up – it might be a hoot – you might even let your hair down”
“And you don’t mind – I mean – I do worry that you might not be happy about seeing me with anyone other than Kate “
“Mom – I want the whole world to be as happy as me . I have found Bette and she’s the most amazing person I could ever imagine being with “ Tina reached for the butter and another croissant “I love you mom and nothing would make me happier than seeing you letting your hair down and having some fun. Do you remember fun mom ?”
“I do have fun “
“Name the last time you had fun “
“Dancing with Rosemary the other night –it reminded me of throwing myself around the dance floor “
“The DANCE FLOOR ?” Tina said with heightened sarcasm
“You know what I mean Tina “
Tina laughed and Emma pulled a face and laughed as well “Please stop trying to make me sound totally damn ancient – we had discos in my day – and decent music and “
Tina was laughing harder now – now this was amusing
“Okay stop laughing “
“It just conjures up such an image in my head – where either of you hippies mom ?”
This amused Tina even more and she went off into a fit of giggles. Emma shook her head as she smiled. She had been dreading the whole day but it was amazing how seeing her daughter cheered her up. Tina and Kate had always been her sunshine when her life seemingly consisted of meetings, trials and defending people she knew where guilty and should be locked away for a very long time.
“No “
“Please tell me Melvin Porter wore an afghan coat and smoked joints “ Tina was off again laughing at her own joke
“No and yes “ Emma replied “ He did have a huge afro at one point “
“Melvin had huge hair ?”
“Yes “
“Please tell me you have photographs of that “
“I might have actually “
“Where ? Bette would get such a kick from seeing that “
Emma sipped her coffee before looking at Tina and smiling
“Thank you for coming over darling “
Tina smiled and nodded “I know what you are like and as mom isn’t here to stop you getting maudlin it kind of falls on me doesn’t it ?”
“If you have finished your croissants why don’t we go into the living room and I will get our box of photographs out “
“Do you have plenty of tissues ?”
“I do “
“Okay – but tears of happiness only – mom was one heck of a woman and we should be celebrating the time we had with her “
“Agreed “