“Do you?” Asked Alice, softly

“No, I don’t” She answered with a weak smile “I don’t think I could, even if I have the entire right to do it so. I know he loved -loves- us very much. He’ll always be my daddy, the one who tucked me in bed every night, the one who taught me to read, the one who made of my first six years, the best ones. I guess he was too weak. Anyway, she also said that we exist now because of him, and for that, she would be grateful forever. This time, he stayed for about one whole year. But all things come to an end, as a fmous singer said -todo tiene su final – and he left shortly after my sister’s birthday, in july” . “I guess he missed his bastard son way too much as to stay with his two legitimate daughters” she said with a calm voice and an icy look that was a mix of rage, sadness and anger, which made the girls squirm in their seats. “I haven’t met his son yet, but I don’t hink I could. It would hurt too much, you know?

They all nodded

“It’s the only thing I can’t let go of. Anyway, few weeks after his ‘departure’ the nightmare began. It started with my mood, which changed from happy to mad as hell and then to the verge of tears in seconds. I didn’t know what the hell was happening to me. At first, I thought it was stress, being in college and all that. So I decided to relax a little bit. I started skipping classes, there were days when I didn’t even leave home. When I skipped classes, I didn’t make it up by going to the library, I stayed outside, talking to some friends, wasting time, laughing. It was then when I started smoking and drinking beer, rum, whisky, vodka- God, even tequila!” She chuckled, before her face went serious again. “I want to make cear that I wasn’t and I am not an alcoholic. I was a big social drinker and smoker. Other than in college parties, not a drop of alcohol. I became quite famous in these parties. We made these speedshots contests, you know, the one who finishes a glass- a VERY big glass may I add- full of beer wins… wins, well, nothing except for some claps.  And I always won these matches, even with guys. At the end of the party I was a little tipsy and everyone else were getting cozy with the toilet. Anyway, people called my name every five minutes when I walked around with friends. I was this cool girl who you cound always trust to hang out, have a drink, lend you some money, sharing cigarrettes… now that I think about those days, I can say that most of those people werent my friends. They didn’t know the real me, they didn’t know that I felt empty almost every waking minute, that the cool perfect girl faded when she got home, and in her place all that was left was a heart-broken, vulnerable girl who had to laugh all the time because if she stopped, she’d cry her eyes out. Fortunately, God blessed me with some real friends, who knew the real me behind the laughter. They knw that when I got home, hell waited for me inside: a lunatic sister threatening with leaving with her good for nothing construction worker boyfriend and a mother who was never home. She was a teacher by mornings and in the afternoons she was a private tutor, so she was never in home. They knew that behind this ‘I’m perfect and I don’ need nothing from anybody’cover, I was in pain. When everything got out of control, they were there for me. Actually, they were the ones who gave me the strength I didn’t think I needed to go to the psychiatrist. After two long talks, he said it, the forbidden word: depression. After that, I scheduled two visits for every week in the next two months and started taking pills. He also recommended to start practicing some sport or dancing lessons or yoga, some relaxing activities after my final exams. Surprisingly, I passed all my tests. It was Christmas time and I joined a group of student fellows that were planning on taking gifts, snacks and lots of fun and love to 2500 needy children in poor zones of the city. I got really involved with that group, I took care of much of the activities there, and after a month of hard work, it was a major success. Somehow, it was one of the things that helped me to go through the therapy, the final exams, home, everything. Anyway, it was Christmas, the end of the semester, summer vacations, a new year, and I was feeling a lot better than I did months earlier. I felt confident enough as to stop visiting the doctor’s office. A week after my last appointment I stopped taking the pills but I signed in to the dance lessons. I felt amazing! I finally was having my life back!, not exactly, but I felt like me again: making jokes, truly laughing, light hearted. Summer was coming to its end and another semester in college started. Things were going great until…” She stopped for a second, taking a deep breath “Until certain things happened and I fell. I really hit bottom, feeling much worst that I had ever felt, I hated myself, I couldn’t even drag myself out of bed, barely ate, it was horrible. I re-started therapy, but it wasn’t working. So, I decided to drop out of college and go through intense therapy. I was admitted in a facility for teenagers with mental disorders: addictions, esquizophrenia, depression… There I learnt a lot of things about myself that I didn’t know or that I was trying to ignore, and new things that helped me to become a better person. I came back to ‘normality’ about two months later, and I went back to college, but only for one semester. I had discovered that I didn’t want that career anymore. I wanted- and still do- to help people who really needed me, but I didn’t want to stay in home. Coincidently, a friend of mine talked to me about this agency here in LA. He said that if I wanted, he could recommend me to his bosses. So I did, I took the oportunity. I finished studying english, took the TOEFL. FCE and ESOL exams” She stopped as she saw the dumbfounded faces of her friends “Test Of English as a Foreign Language- for american english and First Certificate in English and English for Speakers of Other Languages for british english, sillies.” She chuckled as everyone else “Anyway, I took all those exams, got my visa and after some paperwork, here I am. I came here about 3 months ago. Mom never forgave me that I destroyed the plans she had for me. Being a teacher, she didn’t want that for her daughter. She didn’t approve it, but it was my choice and seeing that I was being dead serious, she reluctantly signed all the paperwork needed. We still talk to each other, but I guess she never expected her youngest daughter to move out thousands of miles away being so young and with so much determination, well, maybe a little bit of stubbornness, but still… she said some awful things to me before leaving, and the hurt doesn’t go away thast easily. That’s why I don’t talk much about my family, it brings all the memories back” she said with a sad face, which turned into a smile seconds later “But we didn’t come here to talk about my family, did we? So, tell me, what do you think about the lessons? Do youy think you can ever beat me up?” She dared, with an evil grin