And since we were all pretty young when they got together, they were the first to really do long term, with the house and all. It seemed so ‘Happily Ever After’. But you know, no one bothers to tell you what happens after happily ever after. People don’t tell you about the complacency that can poison a relationship. People don’t tell you that you have to remember to appreciate the person you see day in and day out. People just assume happily ever after is just that. Bette and Tina proved us wrong on that front. About 7 years into their relationship, it fell apart. Bette cheated on Tina. The real problem was that Tina cheated on Tina. Tina forgot who she was outside of the relationship and that led to way too many issues. Complacency and allowing themselves to forget why they chose each other to begin with caused that meltdown. For months, they were both shells of their former selves. Bette wallowed in self-pity and destructive self-loathing behavior. Tina became a drone. She lacked the personality that we used to know, in some ways, any personality.

I think I found the greatest respect for both of them about 10 months after the breakup. At that point they had already gotten back together and Angelica had been born. Though they were back together, they hadn’t discussed the real issues of their break up. They hadn’t worked on the things that if ignored would undoubtedly cause them to repeat their failures. I got a call from Tina one night. She was obviously upset and wanted to talk.

When she got to my apartment she had explained that she saw the two of them falling back into the same destructive patterns and she didn’t know what to do about it. Before I had a chance to reply, she went on. She knew she had to talk to Bette. Really talk. But she was scared. She was scared of opening herself up that much again. The pain the first time from their demise was too much to bear and she didn’t think that she could do it again. She wanted that feeling they had for the first few years of their relationship back. She knew that couldn’t happen unless they could both truly open themselves back up to each other and let the other in. By the time Tina left that night she was determined to have this conversation with Bette and risk it again. I wish I could take credit for any of that, we all know I love to do that, but I said all of three words in that conversation. Tina came to me knowing the answer but needing a safe place to acknowledge it. No one really knows what happened during that conversation, but the next time we all got together for Sunday Brunch, Bette and Tina were Bette and Tina again. Short of the everyday married life moments, they have been ever since.