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    Loyalty Defined

    And to make things worse, Tina couldn’t shake the thought of Bette on her knees pleading with her. Telling Tina she didn’t mean for this to happen. Explaining that Candace kissed her. That she was pushing her away. That she loved only her. That she was sorry. That she would spend the rest of her life making it up to her. That she should’ve listened when Tina warned her about Candace. Tina also couldn’t shake the fact that she walked out on Bette leaving her on knees with her head bent, crying. She stopped at the door looking back over her shoulder. Bette hadn’t moved. Tina knew this could potentially break her. She wanted to run back and gather her in her arms and caress those beautiful black curls. Bette lifted her head and inhaled slowly. By the time she turned around, Tina was gone.

    What the hell is wrong with me, Tina kept asking herself.

    “There’s nothing wrong with you,” Tina’s therapist assured. “You were hurt. Not about Candace. But about…the baby,” she was gentle to say.

    “Our son.”

    “Your son,” she echoed. “And what did you do?”

    “I abandoned her.”

    “Abandoned her?”

    “Yes. She kept trying to reach me, to comfort me, to grieve with me. And I shut her out.”

    “And why did you do that?”

    Tina was silent for a long time. Dr. Julia Flowers asked the hard questions, paused to give Tina time to reflect and probed when she felt Tina wasn’t tapping into the complexities of her pain. Tina exhaled an intense burning ache from deep in her chest. It was sharp and stabbing.

    Julia waited.

    “Because I couldn’t stand the sadness in her eyes. So I avoided her pain.”

    “Her pain?”

    “My pain.”

    “I’m going to ask you a question. But I don’t want you to answer it now. Okay?”

    Tina cautiously shook her head yes but realized Julia couldn’t see her through the phone. “Okay.”

    “Did you run away to Vancouver to punish Bette or to punish yourself?”

    And there it was.

    Tina didn’t have any more tears to cry. She threw the covers back and looked at the clock wondering why she hadn’t heard from Alice yet. She needed to talk to her.

    Tina reached for her phone.

    Comments

    1. Oh I was worried with your opening statement that it was going to be really bad but this was expected Bette’s thinking you couldn’t come to the show but after I break you finally call. Yeah I wouldn’t have answered either.

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