But you did help him, Emma answered stroking my cheek lovingly. We are quiet for a while before she speaks again. But how did you know?

Oh.., I sigh, long story.

She raises her brows at me, as if to say that I should tell her anyways. I prepare myself for another childhood memory and take a deep breath to gather my courage. We were just in the same scene.. had some of the same friends yknow, I start, desperately avoiding the subject Lucia but I can see that Emma isnt satisfied with that answer.

You never did coke did you? Emma says quietly, dropping her head down as if shes preparing herself for something bad.

Oh no! Never! Ive never touched that shit.. really Im not into drugs, I quickly reassure her and I giggle, only some pot occasionally I swear.

Okay.. thank god! Emma says, sighing in relief. So tell me about these friends.

Well.. a friend of mine.. her boyfriend was a dealer and a friend of Carlos. They were in this gang.. they did horrible things.. I dont know if I really want to talk about that with you, I think Carlos should be the one to tell you.

He already told me about that gang.. most of it.

Yeah.. well this dealers name was Pablo, he was the leader of the gang. Really dangerous. His girlfriend.. she became a good friend of mine and I got to know a few things about the gang, that they all used drugs and beat people up, sometimes for no reason at all. And when I saw Carlos skin getting paler with the day.. these scary large pupils.. it was.. fucking horrible. But I was only sixteen and wasnt so sure what to do but when I found him one day.. he was sweating like crazy and he was about to hit Julian in the face.. I could stop him just in time but believe me I was fucking scared. You know Carlos, hes so strong.. He could have done something to me if hed lost his control.., I speak as walk to the register. And as I speak I can feel myself getting tired again, tired of these memories, of this past. I dont want to live in the past anymore, I didnt like myself back then and I didnt like my life. I want to live now, with Shane.