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I think I can probably trace where things changed for me back to the first dinner date I had with Lara. Seeing her in the Planet previously had relit something that apparently was still in embers. Truth be told I half forgot Alice was even sitting there and probably would have been more emotional had she not. It wasn’t until I could feel everyone’s eyes on her that I turned and saw how uncomfortable and awkward this situation was for her and yet there was something about seeing Lara face to face again. They call that ‘the one that got away’ don’t they? But I had Alice. What decent human being would be thinking such things when they were blissfully entangled with her?

Alice just glared trying to hard not to let her emotions spill across her face so very prevalently but it was no use. She’s never been good at hiding something so obvious, whether she’ll ever tell you what’s wrong is another matter. This should have been warning enough for me to turn down an invitation to dinner and yet I relented and betrayed everything intrinsic and logical by saying yes. I never hid it from Alice and yet it felt like an infidelity. I guess in some way it was. I had barely heard anything from her that day, no texts, phone calls, emails which was unlike her. I’m not sure what I was expecting, a text saying: have a great dinner with your ex?

I remember getting ready, choosing my outfit and taking more care over it than I should have. I remember the feeling of that swirling vortex of butterflies in my stomach as I grabbed my car keys. I remember the vision that was Lara my ex girlfriend when I first seen her face smiling so happily at me when I entered the restaurant. I hated that. I hated the fact she wasn’t angry or bitter or cold, she was just Lara, the one I fell in love with, the girl who had given me the courage to agree to the Subaru ad whether she knew it or not. She was my Lara again, only she wasn’t. Here she was presented in front of me like a piece of forbidden fruit and I certainly was not allowed to take a bite.