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    Past Inside Present – chapter 2

    Story written on August 27, 2008 by De_leish_ous.
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    38 votes, average: 3.71 out of 538 votes, average: 3.71 out of 538 votes, average: 3.71 out of 538 votes, average: 3.71 out of 538 votes, average: 3.71 out of 5 (38 votes, average: 3.71 out of 5)
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    Number of Comments: 5
    Words: 1709
    Story Shortlink: https://lesfan.com/?p=70819
    Author Notes:

    Alice explains the break up and what her life has become since.

     

    If I’m completely honest I found everything that has happened, my emotions, my thoughts, my life, so hard to put into words and for a journalist it was shocking. Everything was a jumble. A cloud of uncertain chaos that shipped in from nowhere and refused to leave. One of the first things I did when I felt able enough to walk and talk was to call Ruth and tell her I would be taking a leave of absence due to personal reasons. For once she didn’t question me and I could hear the compassion in her voice, maybe it was because mine was so broken.

     

     

    I’ve replayed the moment a thousand times, each with a different ending, all separate from the eventual outcome that has changed my world. I guess in some weird way this is how it feels when you have suffered a great accident or trauma in your life. Nothing seems real and you don’t even remember how you got to this place and suddenly it’s two months later and you’re still so dismantled inside. I tried so hard. God I tried. I just wanted to keep her there in my apartment. If she could feel how I felt about her. How truthful I was being when I confessed I didn’t think I could live without her, how much I needed her right then not just as a lover but also as my best friend. I needed my friend to tell me it was going to be fine, just a glitch that she’d be coming back to me the next day full of apologies and telling me she had made a mistake. Only she was my best friend and she was the one causing the devastation that had erupted within.

     

     

    Perhaps it hit ten times harder because she was my best friend. It was a double loss and it was excruciating. I remember the fear in her eyes when she told me she ‘can’t do this’. How she backed away and picked her belongings up without a second thought. I prayed so hard that she would just drop them and say what the fuck am I doing. She didn’t. She turned around and walked straight out the door, straight down the corridor and straight out of my everyday life.

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    Comments

    1. Bravo, De_leish_ous! Like MT, I am blown away again with your excellent writing. A’s thoughts & feeling were incredibly well expressed . I could feel her pain. Been there, done that. Breaking up is never easy and the healing process can be long and miserable. Especially with A’s critical mind, it was more pronounced. I totally appreciate this story so far. I hope A would open up to someone if not a therapist. Reasoning with oneself can only go so far. Thank you so much for your extraordinary effort!!!

    2. Amazing job, De_leish_ous! You have an amazing handle on the thoughts and emotions that Alice is feeling. Love the touch of Alice seeing the photo of “better times” and not being able to handle it — even though she had been having a good time with her friends. I am happy that, at least in your story, the friends are trying a bit harder to help Alice. If they did on the show, if was never really shown. “Angst” is right. Great job. Thanks!!

    3. Oh gawd, those 3am text messages. Sigh. I completely know what you mean. Break-ups are horrible. You depicted it so accurately and wrote it up so beautifully. Looking forward to you next entry! (:

    5. Have I told you yet that this is amazing? Well, I’m telling you again. Seriously hun, this is some of the best writing I’ve ever read. What’s scary is that the way Alice thinks in this is exactly the way I tend to think after a bad breakup, but maybe that’s just universal. Who knows. Anyway, again, this is incredible. You = rock.

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