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Remember Who You Are 36
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“I guess so… I remember her laughing on the phone, excited she was having a boy.”
“How did he react, when he did find out?”
“He didn’t. He didn’t react. That I remember. He got up from the table, kissed her on the cheek and asked if I wanted to learn how to change a spark plug.”
“Did he know your aunt already knew?”
“Yes. She was there, at the table.”
“What has Bette said, about your reluctance to make love?”
“She feels like it would help… connect us, help me feel loved, held. Safe… She has been so sweet about it all, but I can tell it worries her.”
“And, from what you said… feeling safe is important?”
“Of course, it is. We had sex yesterday.”
“Oh! I’m confused. Why was that ok?”
“It was different”
“How?”
“It was raw. It was mechanical. God that sounds terrible, I don’t mean it that way. We fucked, ok? Sorry to be crude. It wasn’t tender or gentle. It was an old fashioned fucking.”
“How did that feel?”
“Really great. It was a release. It always feels good with Bette.”
“How did she respond?”
Tina frowned. “She cried, said she missed that, she missed me.”
“Tell me about that.”
“It’s been over two weeks, which is a long time for us. Especially now. She is a very sensual person, she missed it. I felt bad.”
“Why?”
“Because I could tell it meant a lot to her and that I have been the one distancing.”
“You said it wasn’t tender or gentle.”
“It wasn’t rough. We are careful with each other. I just meant that it was different than lovemaking. When Bette makes love to me… it’s a whole other dimension.”
“In what way?”
“She… just. Fuck. I feel… so close to her. It’s… it’s beautiful. It strips away all the walls. I’ve never felt that way with anyone else. I can’t explain it. She… it’s… slow, and sensual… we are one, if that makes sense. Nothing matters but the two of us, in that moment. Sometimes, afterwards… I float all day.”
“Tell me how yesterday unfolded that led you to having sex… to fucking.”
“It was more about celebrating. It was right after we found out about Eric.”
“You fucked after you got that news?”
“Yes. God, is that ok?”
“You don’t need my, or anyone’s permission to have sex with your wife, Tina. Couples often connect that way after receiving important, even terrible, news. If you felt good about it then that is all that matters…”
“I did feel good about it. It was… cathartic in a way. But making love is different. Especially with Bette. Fuck, especially then. We connect deeply. I used to cry sometimes afterwards, when we first got together because she… it’s just special. And I don’t think I can handle it right now.”
“What about her? Can Bette handle it?”
“Yes.”
“So, by withholding that experience from her now… what are you trying to accomplish?”
“I’m not trying to accomplish anything. I’m protecting myself.”
“Tina, you honor your partner when you allow her to experience all the ups and downs of your life. When you let walk alongside you for every part of the journey. That is true intimacy. Hiding that part of you, and yes… you are hiding, may feel safe to you, but it can only serve to stunt your own emotional growth. We grow emotionally when we allow others in. When we are vulnerable. When we give another the opportunity to comfort us. Do you feel safe with her?”
”Totally.”
“And do you love her?”
“Yes. With all that I am.”
“Then show her all that you are. Give her the privilege of walking you through this terrible experience. Fully and without restraint.”
***
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I have really enjoyed this story. Eric got off too easily. I sure hope Tina can deal with seeing and getting involved with her mother, the dragon lady. And that she remembers that the bathroom is the unsafe room!!! Stay away from the bathroom, Tina!!!!!!! Channel Bette and get this over with so you can finally get on with your lives. It worries me that Tina has kind of closed herself off a little from Bette. It’s good that she is getting therapy and that Bette is there for her. This story has been an emotional roller coaster. Really enjoying it. Just want Tina to be happy and whole and able to give herself completely to Bette.
Eloise is really good….. Tina’s “I’m protecting myself” is so revealing. What is she protecting herself from? This needs a little more in depth analysis by Eloise. and Tina.
So Tina is going to investigate what happened in the Donna Kennard- gate. So Eric is dead, and Tom is dying. Lucy is hanging around the edges. And Bette and Tina are trying to get their lives back in order. And its off to North Carolina to visit with Cocoa Puffs Donna. Wow…. this should be interesting.
This is really a good story. I like that Tina is wanting to know what happened and maybe she can help the FBI as well.
I also hope that Bette and Tina get back to the intimacy of love making rather than just an emotional and physical release of fucking. Both have their place in a relationship but these two deserve the intimate connection of their souls, minds and hearts – not just their bodies. Tina has been on a journey for the past few days (weeks) of rediscovery of herself. She still needs to see what part Bette will play in her recovery. This is a start – a good start. Eloise is right. Tina must allow Bette into her soul and allow her to experience it all – the good, the bad and the ugly.
Thank you for this story….Hanging with it for the long haul…
Thanks for this latest post on a great story.
Look forward to more.
SG
This story continues to be very intriguing even as some threats are being eliminated!! Eric bumped off, but still have to deal with Dragon Breath Don.
Really like that Tina continues to speak honestly in her sessions with Eloise. She admits that she has been running from full emotional submission to Bette because she’s trying to protect herself. . . From falling into the abyss. Looking forward to her being able to eventually tell why she feels threatened.
Like Bette, love the assertive, no-nonsense Tina! Chuckled when she told the Agents that they were paying for the lil trip to NC and that they were going to stay in a very nice hotel with spa!! Think Bette may get her bones jumped again ????????.
But seriously, Tina’s true test of the emotional strength gained, will be when it’s just her and Mom, face to face, in the home where she grew up. Lot’s of ghosts & demons swirling around in that joint!!????????
GO Tina!!!
Wonderful chapter!
I don’t think I come up with any new insights from what the others already said.
A great story!
One tip, warning: Tina avoid the bathroom at all times. Learn from your mistakes and avoid unnecessary danger !!!!
Hi! I’m sorry, I may not be writing clearly because I don’t know English very well. But I really want to tell you that you write very well! I love your stories so much, I love the characters, and I look forward to every Chapter. It’s like reading a beautiful book with the hope that it will never end! Thank you for your creativity!
Maria
Thank you for your comment! I think you write really well and am so glad you are enjoying the story. Thank you for commenting.
BK
I love how you write their relationship. How they easily switch roles as the strong one to support the other.
My oh my, what is Tina going to do about the making love issue. Bette is a sensual woman and sex is an important part of how she show her love to Tina. At some point this will become an issue. A good fuck is great but only a bandaid. Very interesting issue to explore give the emotional trauma Tina has endured.
K
God, it’s truly moving, for me, to see your Tina begins the long, painful but ultimately cathartic and liberating journey with a gifted and full of empathy’s professional,,, It’s so worth it and, yes, she must let Bette be there with her all along this journey because they’re soulmates.
Your story is such an emotional reading, emotions are palpable…
Thank you so, so much for sharing !!
And, please, take great care of you.
A.