As the shoot started, Tina was able to finally take a mental break. She was now there as problem solver, time manager and overseer. She brought her emotions to the forefront of her mind, turning her frustration with Bette over in her mind to dissect it. She tried to check her anger so she could look closely at her hurt. But it bubbled back up to the surface, needing to be heard.

In the past, Bette would act without consideration of Tina’s schedule or her plans. She often told Tina about reservations, holiday trips, dinner plans after they were scheduled. Over time as the problem worsened, Tina felt marginalized, diminished, an afterthought. She retreated which had the unintended consequence of Bette becoming more controlling as she sensed Tina’s lack of interest, lack of engagement.

After the baby died, Tina knew she turned her attention away from her wife and towards her job at the center. She knew she worked long hours and froze Bette out. She couldn’t face Bette; she had lost the baby after all and she knew how badly Bette had wanted a child. She cried in the shower, in the car so Bette couldn’t know how devastated she was. The distance emotionally grew from a crack to a chasm, and finally an abyss between them.

Bette not thinking through Tina’s schedule for the opening was triggering the resentment she had felt for years. Tina frowned. That was the old Bette, this Bette had recognized her mistake and had sincerely apologized. Am I responding like the old Tina? Not communicating, just stewing in my irritation. I am, she thought. I am. But that doesn’t mean I can’t be hurt does it? It is a valid emotion given what happened today. Goddamn it… for once I would just like my schedule to matter… for my life to be just as important. For me to be her first thought.

That was unfair. Of course, she mattered… until she didn’t…

She took out her phone to text Bette. “My feelings are hurt because I feel like you didn’t consider or remember my schedule. I don’t feel important. We talked about the Chicago trip several times and I wrote down the dates for you. I am sorry I snapped; I was angry.” she hit send before she could change her mind.