It didn’t matter how many times she would ask herself that question, she would  still not be able to come up with a decent answer to her cowardice. Why didn’t  she have the courage to just call Alice or Shane or Dana and just say “Hi, I’m in  LA. Wanna meet for coffee?”

After all she did keep in touch with them from time to time. Especially with Alice  and Shane, so she knew they wouldn’t say no to that invitation. They constantly  kept asking her when she was gonna be in LA, to give them a call whenever  that would happen. But she lied to them, she lied miserably. 

Tina knew she could count on either of the members of the gang, the family.  They always let her know, through the phone or a simple email, that they were  always there and they would always be there for her. It felt as if she had never  really left. Even Kit had made it very clear that she could call her anytime she  wanted or whenever she needed anything, she would always answer her call. 

So why? Why the self imposed distance? Why the so called stalking? Was she  really that ashamed? 

Probably. 

What she had done was inexcusable. Hurting the kindest, smartest, funniest,  most intense and most beautiful woman she had ever met was inexcusable. Hurting her best friend and the only person who really ever knew her was unforgivable. Hurting the only one who could set her body on fire was insupportable. 

Had she turned into a soulless person who filled the holes in her life with work  and occasional social mingles and hardly ever a holiday?

Perhaps. 

But when? In what part of her path had she turned into that person? Or had it  always been imprinted in her and she had never been aware of it? 

Suddenly the phone rang startling her from her deep thoughts. Tina didn’t  usually think of all these things at the office, cause again she hardly had time for  a cup of coffee or a salad for lunch, so much less to be wondering what her life  was or could have been when she had such a pile of things to do. But maybe,  just maybe this was one of “those” days, and in “those” days nothing really  helped. 

She picked up the phone hoping it wasn’t any disaster that would set back the  finishing of the project.

“Rachel you better not give me bad news.” She begged her assistant who  she knew filtered all her calls. 

“Oh no, no, nothing like that. I just have a private call for you.” Came the voice  on the other end.

And then Tina knew, that was the code they used. Whenever one of the girls  would have something important to say they would use the keyword “private”.  Last time she had heard it she felt she was gonna die after hearing what Alice  had to say, so she hesitated for a few seconds. 

“TK?” Rachel said not wanting to make the person on the other end wait for that long. 

“Put her through” Was all Tina could manage to answer. 

“Alice?” Tina asked. 

“Hi Tina, it’s not Alice… it’s me Kit” 

Yale – Fall 1996 

The class had run smoothly and it was coming to an end. It seemed incredible  to Bette how quickly time had passed when all she could think about was the  blonde sitting next to her. She hadn’t had the nerve to attempt any other small  talk after the class started because they were in the middle of a class actually, it  would just be disrespectful. But something about that blonde told her to just  follow her instincts. 

“Well that was a very nice class, don’t you think?” Came that sweet voice once  everyone was getting their stuff in their backpacks ready to leave. 

“Well I was indeed waiting for this class cause I’ve heard so much about  professor Miller and her devotion for her teaching and, of course art… but I have  to say… I don’t necessarily agree with some of her approaches” Bette  answered locking eyes with the angelic blonde. 

“What do you mean?” Tina asked now, really interested in what this unknown  and yet familiar brunette had to say. 

“Well what do you say we head over the cafeteria and discuss it over a  cappuccino?” Bette asked, giving the hazel eyes another one of her famous  Porter smiles.