ALICE
You look beautiful standing there and I want to wrap my arms around you and pull you close before your gone, but every time I take a step forward you take one back. And suddenly I am aware that your smile has faded and you have a slightly panicked look on your face. Your mouth is moving an although I can’t hear what you’re saying I know what you are telling me. “I love you, too.” I whisper as desperately as I can, because it seems as though my voice has also failed. “I Love you, too!” I try again, but I don’t think you heard me, I don’t think you understood. And then you’re gone.

I open my eyes surprisingly calmly and part of me expects you to roll over and pull me close. I think for a moment that I will hear your beautiful voice in my ear telling me that it was just a dream. But when I am fully awake and I remember exactly where I am, I am only met with silence. I take a deep breath and toss my blankets aside and throw my legs over the side of the bed.

I wince at the light as it hits my eyes and for a moment I am blinded as I flip the switch in my bathroom and bend over the sink to splash water over my face. This is partly to wake me up and partly to wash away the stiffness of the tears that have already begun to dry on my face. I dry my face and look in the mirror. It’s not something that I have done in a while and it might have done me some good to do it before tonight. I look horrible. This suddenly occurs to me as I stare back at the dark circles that have formed under my brown eyes. My mouth looks dry, my skin paler than usual, and I need to dye my hair in the worst kind of way. Maybe I’ll dye it black, I think as I stare at myself in the mirror. I haven’t had a radical hair change since I was in college and I decided to dye it pink. I wonder how the black would look against my skin. Probably ridiculous. Or scary. I smile a little at this thought and watch the corners of my mouth turn up, but realize that the smile never reaches my eyes. I wonder if anything does anymore. I take another deep breath and close my eyes…