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    The Idea of Space

    Thinking something and saying it out loud were two very different things. Bette had spent more time than she would have liked to admit with her mind wandering aimless down so many avenues of thought about the how’s and why’s of it all. She looked back on the finality of the ending of their relationship, the divorce and subsequent separation, and studied it like it was a secret of the universe – why, just when she had found the thing closest to nirvana in life, why… It was like suddenly she and Tina were on different dials, different speeds entirely, as soon as she had found bliss. Releasing those moments of inner turmoil into the space between her and her daughter, casting out the destructive nature of those kinds of thoughts, had given her peace of mind for that sweet, brief, moment.

    By opening the front door and letting Tina in she had disturbed that peace of mind. Now the sanctity of that precious moment was tarnished by the knowledge that Tina had heard it all. She had heard things that Bette never wanted her to hear while she was still involved with another woman. It wasn’t right. It wasn’t fair. It was agony.

    She had let Tina go from the embrace in the kitchen many minutes before. Managing to compose herself, they silently sat down at the dinner table with their glasses of wine, neither knowing what to say next or how to move forward. Tina didn’t want to go first or be the first person to shatter the quiet when she already felt like a bull in a china shop, Angie’s statement floating to the surface of her mind, led Tina to believe that the space she suddenly had the power to command was a power too great. All the while, Bette couldn’t imagine what was running through Tina’s head at the revelation of how Bette really felt. She was embarrassed and filled with numerous doubts. It was such an inconvenient truth to be fed that this pale skinned, blonde woman, the mother of her child, could bring her to her knees in an instant without ever recognizing that was the case.

    “I’m sorry that we… That I appeared to want control over your engagement party,” Bette stated with an apologetic glance. She toyed with the stem of her wine glass to give her hand something to do rather than repeatedly drink from it. “I just… I felt like I had something to prove, to make sure you knew that I’m here for you, and I support your decision.”

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    Comments

    1. Thank you for the chapter!

      So, Tina’s response on the Bette’s words about she still love her seems a bit harsh – you need to move on. Just like that.
      In another hand – she not tell Carrie she love her on the phone eiser.

      And the last – scene where they decided to sleep in one bedroom seems a bit strange to me – as i understand Bette has a big house with many spare rooms. It seems doubful that in all of them only bad beds :)

      And the last – in your story Carrie not public defender but working with Tina with movie business?

      Waiting for the next part!

      • I’m taking a few artistic liberties, I’ll admit. It just strikes me, personally, as strange that Tina would find herself in a relationship with a public defender. It always somehow rang in my mind that it made more sense for Tina to find someone within the business she was in, someone that she would have worked very closely with, in order to tie them together somehow and be a reason why Tina would be inclined to pursue something based on the commonality of their experience.

        That and, with Tina, I think the next chapter will explain that choice that was made to a degree. Because, you’re right, it is strange to think that she would even suggest them sleeping in the same room, considering everything that had transpired, but… I mean, when you haven’t had dinner and you have some wine instead, sometimes things seem like marvelous and obvious ideas, even when they’re not. Admittedly, I’m using a bit of a decisive trope just to propel a story.

        Regardless, thank you so much for reading and commenting. I enjoy reading other people’s opinions, whether shared opinion are even if its not :). So, I appreciate it.

    2. Hey Sloan,

      I really enjoy your story but i really don’t like your Tina especially after reading this and also other comments she made during their conversation:

      “It’s hard for me to hear when you say things like that.” Was the response Bette received, to which she countered.

      “When I say things like what? That I love you?” Tina’s gaze hardened fractionally as Bette spoke, causing the brown eyed woman to raise her brows in question. To the blonde it was infuriating at times how easily Bette managed to get under her skin.

      “Just because you feel it, Bette, doesn’t mean you have to say it… You need to find a way to move on from this.” Tina watched Bette listen to her words and throw her head back, a single, and clearly amused HA! formed on her lips. However, she was far from amused despite the twisting of her lips into a pointed smile.

      Like Zhenya i find Tina very harsh, unfeeling and it is hard to like this Tina. And sleeping in the same bed and her telling Bette she trusted her???? Really, i would have kicked her to the spare room, even better called a taxi and send her to Carrie and keep the contact minimal between Bette and her.

      I don’t know, maybe i am to harsh but this Tina doesn’t deserves Bette’s love. Bette is very honest about her feelings and she basically is told to not tell them and move on…. Ughhhh.

      Let’s see what the next chapter brings! I love you post everyday!

      • I agree BiBi. This Tina does not deserve Bette’s love or time or even an engagement shower. She is cruel and them sleeping in the same room is beyond weird. It’s controlling and toxic. Hard to read. Hoping for a kinder softer more understanding Tina soon – both Bette and Carrie deserve better.

    3. I’m very much enjoying your story. I like seeing Tina not so sweet and nice. Just a different perspective of her. Maybe you are not planning on getting these two together and it will make it easier for Bette to move on.

    4. I find this Tina a bit disturbing as well…. she finds herself in the position where she has heard Bette reveal her heart felt feelings for her and yet she still appears to be maintaining the wall which guards her own feelings. Her responses seem to be more defensive rather than revealing. Maybe that is just my wishful thinking. It seems an about face from “you’re my best friend Bette” to “you need to move on.” Frankly, I think Tina is totally lost now that she has heard the conversation between Bette and Angie…. why did Tina leave Bette? What was Tina was looking for when she left Bette.? Why did she allow Bette to make her feel like she was on the periphery of their lives? Why did she not address the problem when it occurred to her there was a problem? What is Carrie giving her that Bette did not? Is Tina really on the path toward her ultimate happiness? There seems to be a mountain of things which need to be discussed or at least resolved in her own mind.

      Tina needs to realize that in a child’s life, it is constantly changing – physically, mentally, emotional. And when parents divorce, the relationship with those parents changes. Angie will always love both of her moms. But the relationship she had with each of them changed when Tina moved out of the house. Tina was no longer available as she was when she lived in the house. Tina was not around to see the day to day changes in Angie – her good days, her bad days, what trends and styles attracted her attention, what day to day problems she had with school mates or other mom or whatever. The part time parent misses a lot. Its the fact that cannot be worked around. It does not mean the child/parent relationship will bad or strained. The parent will simply not be aware of how the child processes information, forms opinion or what opinions they have. One thing for certain is that Bette will never disparage Tina to Angie in any way shape or form. Did Tina honest believe that Angie would be happy with her pending marriage to Carrie? And that Angie would accept that the divorce her parents went through was the end of their family as she wanted it to be? And if that is the case, then I would say that it is Tina who has not been observant particularly when it comes to her one and only child. In fact I would say that Tina too has been in a fog when it come to her own child. I do not know what Tina is going to possibly be able to say to Angie that would change her attitude from being hurt and angry by Tina’s decision to being okay with it. That is a huge bump in the road…..

      The reason for sleeping in the same bed is a bit bizarre. but okay… that is what their doing. Let’s hope they get a good night’s sleep and don’t do anything they will later regret.

      Thanks for the chapter….

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