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    The Idea of Space

    The early hours of morning shed light through sheer curtains. With the sun steadily rising, beams of sunlight splashed through and across Tina’s face, rousing her from a deep sleep. Groggy from not having dinner the previous night and replacing it with the liquid supplement of wine, she didn’t move. She barely remembered crawling into bed but that also might have been simply because the day before was so mentally taxing. There was a scent heavily dousing her nose with sandalwood and florals, it wasn’t common – but, then again, neither was the feeling of the heavy blanket weighing her down or the softness of the sheets.

    Opening her eyes, Tina blinked away the blurriness of sleep and realized that she was alone. A panic rose in her chest as she realized she was laying and facing Bette’s side of the bed. Suddenly she was very awake and very aware of her surroundings and the faint noises elsewhere in the house. She leaned up on an elbow and looked at the alarm clock on Bette’s bedside table, noticing quickly that it was about 8:30 in the morning. Falling on her back she gazed up at the ceiling and wondered what possessed her to tell Bette that sleeping in the same bed as a perfectly fine solution. Wine, emotional exhaustion, feeling absurdly out of place, being miserable… She was miserable. Having been so detached for so long was making her feel so… Unhappy.

    From the outside looking in, she had achieved exactly what she wanted; a blossoming career in film, an opportunity to be a part of story telling and a participant in projects that were so important, she had a really lovely house and she was getting married to the woman that she chose. Yet, there was still this crushing emptiness that followed where ever she went that she couldn’t describe and it reared its head whenever possible making her appear to be unreasonable, unrelenting, and insensitive, at times, while in the background she brooded over the feeling that never seemed to fade. The power of depression could subject a person to behaviors that, in their right mind, would be intolerable, or make choices without actually considering the best interest of the parties involved. She had found herself at that point. However, realizing what was happening was the issue.

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    Comments

    1. Hey Sloan,

      Very good that Bette slept in the guest room and spoke to Tina about her behaviour and pointed out she behaved the same way as to when she had those feelings for men. And Tina’s first reaction is to deny it.

      It’s strange but good that Angie is bringing the truth out to Tina about her behavior and the reasons for it. Depression isn’t fun and people can do and say weird things but I’m having a bit of trouble with this statement about Tina’s weird and bitch behavior towards Bette.
      It’s time for her to take a good look at herself and take responsibility, until now she seems to blame Bette and she seems jealous of Bette.

      Let Tina find a good psychologist and discuss and solve all her problems. For now I don’t think she is the partner Bette deserves, she is selfish and flees from herself and her family for years. She has no idea what she’s done to Bette and her daughter and still does with her urge to get the best out of herself because she thinks that’s what makes her happy. On the contrary, she is unhappy and does not know why. Again, as long as she persists in this behavior, I would advise Bette to distance herself from Tina to protect herself.

    2. Bette making the decision to sleep in the guest room was wise, as was her pointed response to Tina about it not happening again. Tina… Tina. It’s the little barbs that get me, the way she sees Bette… and even Angie. Bette is always put together, at peace, in a good place with Angie. Like those are qualities that they should apologize for. Run Bette. Find Maya. And Tina? For the love, listen to BiBi and get some help. I love this writing style, the descriptions, the little way each scene is laid out. And like I said before, I admire that you can post so quickly and get so many of us talking about what you wrote. I am anxiously chewing my popcorn hoping for some much needed healing for Tina.

    3. This is another good chapter with some unusual twist. A surprise that Bette got up and went to the guest room to sleep. Good for her…. no sense in torturing herself….

      I am surprised that Tina recognizes that she has been harsh with Bette and mean spirited in such a cruel manner. Most people with depression do not recognize the symptoms of their depression nor do they recognize when they are being cruel and hurtful toward others. And with Tina, she evidently has been depressed for a long time, so her behavior has become pretty routine….. except maybe when she is with Angie or Carrie. Perhaps she recognizes that which comes out of her mouth and no relationship to that which she is thinking…. certainly not an endearing quality for a person to have.

      The mind blowing statement from Angie for me was that Tina herself was her primary priority. Followed by the conclusion that to solve Tina’s problems, she runs… and then when she finds someone who she believe to be her ideal partner, she mimics her behavior when around them. Yet, she indicated to Angie, she left in a quest to find herself and now what she labels as peace. And Angie all but says “How is that working for ya?” And Tina knows in her very soul that Angie is not wrong and says so. Angie may not have all the details or the whys, but her experiences with Tina and the sanitized explanation given by Bette (which Tina heard all of ), lead Angie to conclude exactly what she said. A really amazing conversation. Would have taken a therapist about a year to get that out on the table.

      Now did we read that Tina found Carrie and possibly cheated on Bette? If so, no wonder, Bette is so felt so helpless as Tina was ending their relationship. No wonder Bette started the conversation with Angie that this was Tina’s story to tell. But then, why would she ever volunteer to give them an engagement party?

      This should be one of the most revealing conversation Tina has ever had in her life in that it tells her in words exactly what her child feels about her mother and the life she has chosen to live. And yet she still lack the very quality of life she has been searching for – peace.

      My admiration to Bette for remaining silent when I know she had a hundred questions she would like answers to. That was real self-control. Hopefully, she will get her opportunity sometime in the future.

      As to the conversation with Angie and Bette? Wow…. When Angie speaks everyone listens…. she is a courageous young woman and cuts to the chase and is at the goal line in full force. This has to be like a meteorite striking Tina right in the solar plexus.

      This chapter was raw and painful to go through… but it sure identified some of the problems….

      Thanks for the chapter, would like to see what is next….

    4. Thank you for the chapter!

      At least Angie has a “balls” to speak the truth about this Tina.

      Because even for me, as in most cases as member of pro-Tina’s team, hard not just love, but even like this version of Tina for now

      Interesting what Tina will do next

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