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    The Idea of Space

    “Okay, so, just so I get this right, I’m coming to you with some honesty about how I’m feeling, and you’re saying that either I figure it out right now or you’re… You’re what? Leaving me?” She looked as flummoxed as her tone. A sheer and utter perplexment crossed Tina’s features. Carrie stood her ground and reiterated.

    “I don’t have time to give you, you made it clear you don’t want to have a family because you already have one, I accepted that, you wanted to move back to Los Angeles to be closer to your family, I accepted that. You accepted my proposal and wanted to start a life here, I accepted that. But this wishy-washy back and forth, cold feet, feeling depressed when you have nothing… To be depressed about bullshit, I don’t accept that. So, I’m taking that as a forfeit. There are ladies lining up around the block for me, kid… I don’t need some sort of complicated shit to deal with.” Carrie explained in a single breath.

    It was a stark contrast to the conversations over the course of the weekend. There was no time to process anything it was just it’s this way… Or it’s that way. It was so fast. Tina understood in that moment what Angie had described; Carrie heard her, but she wasn’t listening. She was… Pure chaos. And Tina had to ask herself, was that what she wanted? Did she thrive like Carrie in that chaos?

    “We bought a house…” Tina stated dumbly.

    “Well, let’s be honest, you bought the house… Buy me out of the deed. I’m just not interested. I have shit to do, Tina.” Carrie half expected Tina to start groveling, if she were being frank. Instead, Tina turned her back and put her hands on her hips for a few moments. Carrie waited.

    She had found Carrie in chaos and now she was leaving in chaos. It seemed about right. Tina didn’t have time for it either…

    “I’ll write you a check.” She said to the tree in front of her, addressing it rather than the woman behind her.

    “I’ll have my assistant tell you where to send my things, I’m not cut out for this whole Los Angeles shmoozy shit anyway… I’m going back to New York. I can finish up these last projects from there remotely.” She heard the sound of footsteps, loud and purposeful, fading behind her. She listened to the sound of the French doors slamming closed. Tina waited, standing, gazing at that tree and she felt that anxiety still holding so tightly as though she would have to carry it around like a brick filled backpack for, what felt like, the rest of her life. It happened so fast. It had completely ripped her out of the tranquility she had found in those brief moments between the time she left Bette’s to the time she arrived home. Carrie was like a tempest, testing her, and she found that the speed of which the other woman was able to draw up conclusions and make those life altering decisions was just so very different to her own ways of processing that… Maybe… It was for the best.

    It still hurt. She wasn’t entirely sure if Carrie was going to take a breath and a moment and then turn back and apologize, revealing that it was a split decision that she regretted making, but Tina couldn’t simply wait around for that to happen. As she’d said, she had a bit of searching to do to understand why she was feeling the need to run, or to avoid, or feel the need to be, at times, even a little cruel. She had never been an ugly person, why did she start? When did she start? Hopefully, in the upcoming week, Dan might be able to shed a little light on that. So that was what she focused on.

    Comments

    1. Carrie is a strange bird….. “No time” for Tina…. well, better to find out before the wedding than after….

      Now, why did Tina stay at the Porter household for the weekend? Angie was dealing with stuff and she and Bette were going to do what? Angie has now revealed her feeling about her mother and Carrie and Tina has revealed that most of her decisions she made in recent years was in search of peace? And she hasn’t found it yet.

      Has anything changed for Angie, Tina or Bette with respect to their relationships with each other as a result of the weekend? Does Angie still believe that Tina’s primary concern in her life is herself? Does this weekend of friendly chatter change that? It appears that she enjoyed the weekend of being together…. but probably nothing has happened to change Angie’s view of her mother Tina. That is going to take a lot more.

      Thanks for the chapter….

    2. Hi Sloane,

      I know, I’m behind on my comments, but for good reason. Last Wednesday I became a very proud Aunt of my first niece!

      What a total bitch Carrie is, I didn’t expect her to react like this. But well don’t shed a tear for her.

      Now let Tina take a good look at herself and resolve her own issues and we’ll see how and when she and Bette can reunite.

      You haven’t posted in a few days now, I hope you’re all right!

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