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The tall brunette returned to her spot on the wall, words rushing from her lips. Her chest was tight. “Why would you do that to me?”
“I wasn’t thinking. I’m so sorry.”
Bette’s eyes bore the confusion she felt at her wife’s actions. She had been there, had felt the pain, experienced the trauma. Yet, looking at Sidney, it seemed odd that those actions had been those of the woman now tied to the hospital bed. “I can never look at you the same,” she said.
Sidney looked away. “Bette, I love you. I never meant to – – -.”
Bette felt herself trembling. In a moment she’d gone from confusion to fury. “You are so full of shit! I hate you!”
Sidney stared at her. “You think I don’t hate myself? Look at me, Bette! Look at me! Do you really see me?”
Bette didn’t want them to but her eyes betrayed her and tears slid down her brown cheeks. “Why did you have to do that? You hurt me.”
Her wife was wavy behind the tears standing in Sidney’s eyes. “I love you more than life, Bette. I never meant to hurt you.”
“But you did, Sidney.”
The blonde sighed. And though she was broken and bruised inside, her heart was lightened. It was the first time her wife had used her name since she’d entered the room.
“Bette, wasn’t there a part of you that liked it?”
Bette whipped her head up. “What?”
“I know I hurt you. I know that. But Bette, you came so hard. You came for ME.”
“You’re fucking crazy!”
“Am I? I know you always loved it when we were rough.”
“Rough? You raped me! Are you serious?”
Sidney looked away. “You still had an orgasm with me. Part of you must have enjoyed it. Don’t you miss it? Don’t you miss us?”
Bette had been pushing the orgasm to the back of her mind. Hiding it in her memories. It was something she didn’t want to face. The knowledge of what had happened never went away, but she wished to avoid that part. Because she was afraid that Sidney was right. She was embarrassed that she’d cum. Ashamed that it had happened during the assault.