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    Try, Trust, Try and Trust Again Chapter 18

    Tina had begun going into the Production Offices in Los Angeles.  She was hoping to wrap up this season, so she would be free to focus on her personal concerns.  Tina was dreading going back to Toronto, but knew she had to go back. What would happen after that, she wasn’t sure. There were important decision to be made and she had to be in Toronto to do it. Bette had begun working at her new office and they were seeing less and less of each other, but when they were together things had become more comfortable between them. Angie was freely moving between both homes, although Tina’s home was empty for the most part. Tina and Bette wanted to give flexibility with Angie’s time with each parent so that she could navigate around her own activities and schedule.  Angie seemed to like her new found control and it lent to her moving towards more independence.  Tina and Bette were always in sink when they were co-parenting and this did not change now that Tina was more available to Angie.  Tina and Bette made a plan with Angie to visit the colleges she was interested in attending.  Bette made available the Peabody Jet, one of the perks of her new position.  Bette for her part would manage the East Coast schools and tie the visits in with planned trips for meetings. Angie’s excitement grew more and more as Bette’s dread of her baby leaving home loomed over her. Tina was more pragmatic about Angie growing up and leaving home. She new that Angie was close to both her parents and Angie going away to school would not change their relationships, just their access to her in person.  Angie was growing up and the need to be involved in her life day to day was diminishing. Tina had learned while in Toronto, that effort was the most important aspect of staying in touch, something Tina had not been very good at while she was in Toronto.

    Tina had been attending her therapy sessions regularly and they started to be more intense as she began to dissect her choices and her relationships.  As she looked at some of the choices she had made, it dawned on her that she had made some very big decision in an impulsive manner.  When she didn’t know what she wanted, she inevitably was unhappy with what she had, even if it was a good thing.  Being unhappy caused the impulsive decisions that put her on a path that felt good and before she new it, she was on a new path.  But any decision whether it be impulsive or thought out has layers of reasons why it is made.  That is what troubled Tina, she couldn’t figure out what prompted the anger when it came to Bette? What prompted her to runaway and what prompted her to seek out someone like Carrie who was so drastically different then Bette. Her confusion around the decisions concerning her relationship with Bette unsettled her the most as she made them when there was still so much unresolved?  If she didn’t know what she wanted, what compelled her to make such life altering decisions and hurt the ones she loved so dearly.  When she looked at it critically, there was something missing in her life in Toronto.  This being the case would she have done all this again with Carrie being the one left behind?  The answers to these hard questions eluded her and so therapy continued.  However, like in New York, her job was making demands and like before she would have to make some hard choice that might put her once again on a new path.  The show was on the last days of post production on the remaining episodes and the new season wasn’t scheduled to air until December. Her focus for now would be her family and herself. 

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    Comments

    1. This was a good chapter. I like the rationale behind Tina’s behavior and her past. I wish she was talking to Bette more but maybe that will come. I feel like Bette is unraveling and Tina is out of the country. Not good. Makes me anxious Super K which shows that I am invested in this story. How will Tina continue therapy while she is in Vancouver especially now that she seems to be at a crucial juncture in her awareness of her decision making. And Bette made some really good points to Shane that she should be saying to Tina. TALK YOU TWO right now. I would put them in time out LOL

      Please post soon. BK

      • BK

        Hahaha… yes lots of stuff for our poor Tina. I am taking you all on a roller coaster and we are now climbing the big hill before the big dip.

        Hold on, we are not quite there yet.

        K

        • Ooookkkkkk. My seatbelt is fastened and I am here for the roller coaster even though it makes me anxious. I always hated the climb up the hill… LOL
          Write soon –
          BK

    2. Great chapter… yes, I can see that Tina has always been good at conflict avoidance – pulling away when things really need to be addressed and resolved until the situation becomes so intolerable that fleeing seems to be the only answer. And when she realizes that she replaces her relationship of passion with a relationship of clam until its gets boring and then wants her passion relationship again – college boyfriend (passion) to Eric (clam and boring) to Bette ( passion) to Henry (clam and boring) to Bette (passion again) to Carrie (clam and boring) and now she wants Bette (passion again). So how does she reconcile this cycle? Does it really have to do with Bette’s’ behavior and the conflicts she has with her? Or is it that its a part of personality which she loves as a dear part of her particular behavior and then decides later that’s its just too much and she needs to get away? And the fact that Tina is beginning to see this pattern of behavior, is there something that can be done about it?

      Bette too has her problems – being the fixer type, I can see her going absolutely crazy not being able to identify what needs to be fixed yet knowing the problem is there. She also is feeling a high degree of inadequacy in that she is going through these cycles with Tina and they keep failing. And it get worse with each round. This time it really appeared that Tina was gone forever. And now that she is indicating that she wants to try again, the fear of going through the hurt and pain if they fail again makes her reluctant to get vested again in a retry unless something is substantially different from the past. So Bette is in a dilemma for which there are no answers. Yes, I can see she having a hard time just keeping it all together.

      The whole situation makes me queasy. I feel the want each other almost as much as they want life itself but have no idea on how to make that happen. The fear of failure is very real to both of them. And not trying is also a guarantee of more pain and suffering as well for both them as they will always have to deal with each other about Angie. What to do?

      This is a very good story….. I really hope you have a clear plan how to resolve this mess for our girls. It may be painful and stressful to get there, but these two can live a happy life together. We just need to get them to a place where they can. Thank you for giving us such a thought provoking chapter….

      • Martha

        I love the way you dissect a story. This relationship is so complicated that it is taking time to get a good handle on why they do what they do and why it is so hard for them to pull it together for the long run..

        I am trying to make sense out of complications in a relationship. I am glad everyone is sticking with it.

        I do have an endgame.

        K

    3. There’s so much about this masterpiece that really makes me think and ponder.

      Tina.
      Revelations about her core personality and how she see’s herself is really coming full force. Domineering Mom that can never be pleased, accepting, nor trusting in revealing “her” insecurities has been the model for Tina’s passive aggressive style of relating. The therapy sessions can really yield positives going forward. I figure the Therapist will be able to give Tina homework that will eventually lead to Tina learning how she can voice her true feelings without condemnation. It takes soooo much energy when it seems that there is a forever push up hill when dealing with a domineering loved one.

      Was thinking about how Tina & big Sis were “caught” by their Mom, and I wonder if Tina ended up being blamed for that activity. Was she made to feel like the initiator of that relationship? Wondered who had “played that game” with her Sister???

      Bette.
      Feel like Bette totally likes that she is comfortable with being outgoing and bold in her profession and with most people, but the “why isn’t that enough” for her most personal relationships really has her pretty much in a tailspin. Tina has yet to articulate to her satisfaction EXACTLY what Tina seems to resent about her. Tina keeps leaving without expectation and has refused to give explanation.

      Feel like Bette would accept an invitation to attend therapy with Tina, but only after Tina has taken firm steps to start revealing her true heart & soul honestly to Bette, withOUT blaming her for being Bette because Bette has in many ways learned to temper her “I know exactly who I am and what I want” personality.

      She has learned how detrimental her zeal to make all “family” decisions withOUT finding out what the other members want. She’s learned that an unyielding “it’s my way or the highway” attitude does not work.

      • I am so glad you liked it. This is quite a mouthful for sure. But Tina is almost 50 and baggage builds up. Trying to move through it all was necessary in my opinion if her and Bette had a chance to reconcile.

        Now that everything is on the table, lets see how they manage it together.

        K

    4. Ding Ding Ding…..a revelation! Tina avoids conflict. That’s how passive aggressiveness comes into play. Tina aggravates me. When you are upset about something with someone, tell that person. It’s not fair to the person you’re upset with.
      Bette is again a train wreck waiting to happen.

      I love it!!! 😂

    5. Tina’s emotional growth was stunted by her childhood experiences. This lead to avoidance of conflict. She doesn’t deal with fear either so she bails.

      Bette is a ticking time bomb set to implode. The only one whose has gotten to Bette was Tina. Hopefully, Tina and Bette will continuing to talk while Tina’s in Vancouver.

      You’re killing me softly.

      • The research involved in this story has been so time consuming but hopefully realistic enough that our Tina’s past decisions now make sense.

        The story is still unfolding now that Tina understand where it came from, Now what she does with this will lead her to her next path.

        K

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